Page 40 of Shattered Desires

I couldn’t get in the way of her dreams. There was no way I could go through with telling her—because back then, I was sure she reciprocated my feelings. I felt it. That undeniable spark anytime the two of us where together was unreal. I knew she felt it too. And if I told her I wanted more, what if she threw away her dreams? I couldn’t allow it to happen—wouldn’t chance it.

So instead, I fucking shut my mouth and let her start living her dream.

I took an internship that I was passionate about, but nothing could ever match the way I felt—the way I still feel—about Declan.

And now, despite the fact that the two of us could finally make something work, she hates me. Because instead of fucking admitting all of it to her, about how I begged my brother to leave her and let me have a chance with her, about my real feelings for her… instead of admitting it, I’ve kept it from her for years.

When the show ends, I’m pulled away by some reporter who is asking me a million questions about the kiss I shared with Declan backstage a few weeks ago. She rattles off a million questions and assumptions about the two of us, and other reporters flock around me like vultures. When I finally get away from them, I head to Declan’s dressing room. I can’t take the silence. Even if she hates me right now, even if she doesn’t want to be with me because of what I did, I still need to talk to her.

I make it to her room where Landon and Rush are standing outside her door. Rush stops me, placing his palm on my chest before I can turn the doorknob. “I’m not sure you want to go in there right now, man.”

There’s something in the way he looks at me, his brows furrowed, that tells me I’m about to get very pissed.

I open her door after three quick knocks, and she’s sitting on a small sofa with Kade’s palm on her thigh.

“Not a fucking chance,” I say, stepping toward the two of them. “What the hell is this?” I look between them as Kade smirks, winking at me like he’s won the grand prize. This is exactly why the bastard doesn’t deserve her. He sees this purely as a fucking competition. I lunge toward Kade, but Declan stands, separating the two of us.

“Knock it off, Spence. Really?” Her mouth is downturned. I hate that I’m ruining her after-show high, and I know I am, but the adrenaline pumping through my veins right now can’t be tamed.

A visceral reaction in my gut tells me my brother needs his fucking ass kicked. I get around Declan without touching her, my eyes burning into my brother. Yanking him up off his smug ass, I throw a punch that lands square on his jaw.

“Landon! Rush!” Declan screams as she tries to pull me off him.

The guys burst in, but I barely hear their shouts. My ears feel hollow, a ringing in them that’s persistent and unwavering. Kade turns to the side and spits blood out of his mouth, his hand touching his jaw. I laugh because, fuck him.

“You fucking prick,” I say as calmly as I can as Rush hauls me off Kade. “This is all a goddamn game to you, isn’t it?”

Landon holds Kade away from me, separating the two of us to corners in the room as Declan stands by the sofa still looking between Kade and me.

“That was a mistake, little brother,” Kade grunts out, trying to shake Landon off him.

“What the fuck was going on in here? Really Declan? You just told me that you wanted me. That you’ve always wanted me. What was that, not even two weeks ago? And now his hands are all over you, and you can’t even look at me. We both had a part in what happened back then, you get that, right? It wasn’t only me. He fucking left you.”

Kade shakes his head like I’m wrong, and I want to punch him all over again.

Kade diverts his attention from me and looks at her.“Why do you think I stopped your wedding, Declan? Do you know?”

I watch as she looks down at the floor, no doubt thinking about her almost wedding to Lucas.

“DJ.” Kade looks at her through narrowed eyes, waiting on her answer.

“You thought you could just come back to the city after being away for years and get me back,” she finally says, and I don’t think she’s wrong. Not even a little bit.

Kade shakes his head, stepping closer to her, though Landon still grips him tightly. “I stopped your wedding to give this dumbass”—he nods at me—“one more chance with you.” Kade turns to me. “I’m always the man you can’t seem to be, isn’t that right, little brother?” He smirks at me, blood dripping from the corner of his lip. He wipes it away hastily. “I did it for you, you fucking prick. I’m in love with her too, you know. Why should it be you? Tell me that. Why do you deserve her any more than I do? I’ve been wondering that for years.”

When I don’t answer him, he continues, looking at Declan once more. “I’ve fucking stayed away from you for too long, DJ. He should have told you the truth, and he didn’t. And I shouldn’t have left you.”

“Fuck!” Declan screams, her head in her hands as she walks toward me. “I chose you, Spence. You are the one I wanted, the one I fucking want! But you had to lie to me. You had every single fucking chance in the world to tell me the truth. Why not say something after he left? You let me think I fucked up somehow, that I wasn’t good enough for him. I cried in your arms for weeks. How could you not tell me?”

I look down at the floor, unable to keep my eyes on hers while tears spill down her cheeks.

“I chose you,” she says again, and it’s like a punch to my gut. “I chose you. I fucked you!” She practically seethes the words out because I’m sure she feels like I used her, and I didn’t. I just couldn’t fucking tell her the truth, especially not after all this time had passed. “It seems like I always make the wrong choice, though, don’t I? I’m done with both of you.” She looks from me to Kade. “I’m done. Kade, I’m sorry, but it was always Spence. I loved you then, but I’ve always loved him too. And if I would have had it my way, I would be with him now. But he fucked that up. You deserve someone who can give you every single piece of them, and it’s not me.”

She cries harder, and my entire body shakes. I want to say something, say anything that will make this better. I hate that I’m the reason for the tears she can’t control.

Kade’s eyes darken as he bites his lip. “DJ, can I drive you to your hotel for the night?” He shrugs. “You’ve made your choice and I get that, but let me get you there safely. You’ve had a long night, and we’ve got a show tomorrow.”

I don’t believe the fucker for a second. Despite the fact that Declan just made it very clear who she wants—wanted—I know he’s going to continue trying. If my brother is one thing, it’s persistent.

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