Page 71 of Reckless Desires

I shrug. “Apparently grandmothers just know everything?” I smile at her, and she steps closer to me. “What did you want to say to me?” I ask, unable to wait any longer to hear whatever it is she needs to say. It’s been twenty seconds too long, and I can’t even begin to think of what it could be.

Isla’s smile fades as she closes the distance even more between us. She makes a move to touch me, bringing her hands toward my chest, but then lets them fall to her sides like she doesn’t know what to do with them.

“First,” Isla holds up one finger, “you said grandmothers know everything. Does that mean she was right?”

I replay what she said on stage in my mind. Can you please tell Isla how much you love her?

Of course, I love her.

My ego battles with my heart over which direction to take this but ultimately, my heart wins out. “She’s right,” I tell her, feeling my pulse quicken.

Isla bites her bottom lip, her eyes roaming down my face, to my lips and back up again.

“I love you, Bordeaux,” she says, her lip quivering. “I can’t stop loving you, no matter how hard I try, and it’s fucking terrifying.”

I move toward her, looking down into her eyes, adrenaline suddenly soaring through my veins from her words. There is no longer even a sliver of space between us, the dim bar lights rolling over our bodies as I cup her chin in my hands, not allowing her to look anywhere but directly at me because what I’m about to tell her is something I need her to hear.

“Don’t.” I bend down, firmly pressing my lips on hers, unable to resist her. She opens her mouth, allowing me inside, and tasting her after all this time has me reeling. I break away from her just as she moans against my lips, both of our chests heaving. Isla knits her brows together and I tell her again, “Don’t. Don’t stop loving me because I have never stopped loving you. Not for one day, not for one fucking second, Isla.”

I press my forehead to hers and clench my eyes shut, needing to savor every moment of this. I feel her hand make its way up to my cheek and I lean into her touch. I never thought I’d have her in this way again and I want to savor every second of her touch.

“Can we figure this out?” she asks, her voice breaking. “I want to figure this out, B. I can’t keep living this way. I can’t even explain how much this has fucking tortured me. All I want is you. You are all I want, and if time away from you has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t want a life without you. But I’m scared. I’m scared of the life you live.” I open my eyes as she inhales a deep breath, tears slipping down her cheeks. “But I’m so much more scared of not having you in my life. I’ve missed you in the worst possible way.”

I nod, wiping her tears away with my thumbs. “I don’t remember anything before you. And that isn’t even the terrifying part for me, Isla. The scary part is… I don’t want to. You are all I want, and you’re right, it is fucking terrifying. It’s scary. It’s uncomfortable and messy right now, but I swear to God, if you really do want to figure this out with me, I’ll make it worth it.”

A single, tiny ember of hope ignites in my chest as Isla nods, standing up on her toes to kiss me. “There’s nothing I want more,” she says, and the single, tiny ember erupts into a full-on explosion.

Epilogue

Isla

One Year Later…

Redamancy (n.) the act of loving

the one who loves you; love returned

in full.

___________

When I think back to the night of the listening party and how I almost didn’t go, I could kick the woman I was square in the face.

The entire way there, the fucking Uber driver was telling me I should just tell Bordeaux how I felt. I should walk up to him and say, “Bordeaux Daniels, I am in love with you.” The driver even had us roleplay it so I could get it perfect.

Part of me thinks he had the hots for me and was pretending to be Bordeaux in his head, but that’s neither here nor there.

Choices.

Every single thing in our lives comes down to choices. Sometimes a string of choices, sometimes just one.

I sit in the office and reflect on how I’ve come full circle for seemingly the tenth time in my life. I remember thinking about how all my choices had led me to that park bench when Veronica got engaged. How one simple choice could have altered everything, and it’s so true.

If I hadn’t gone to the party that night, I may not be with Bordeaux today. And that would be a shame because he is my favorite person in the entire universe.

I glance over at him, and he looks up at me with his signature smile. How can one person be so adorable and sexy at the same time?

“You okay over there?” he questions, closing his laptop and coming over to my desk. “Do you wanna call it quits for the night?”

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