Page 32 of Defending Our Ever After

Rachel was assigned to her first shift at the gate, and I knew better than to leave her alone there while I handled the permitter walk. I counted on Russ being more than willing to delay his chores in the barn, so I grabbed him to watch the gate and the two of us set off to check the fence and the traps that are laid out.

I had made the mistake of telling her how happy I was about Eddie and Trisha hooking up—trying for girl talk only got me an earful of how gross it was listening to them having sex the night before. I might have thought she was exaggerating if I hadn’t seen the remains of mom’s bedframe.

No judgment here, though. Russ and I at least have our privacy since we converted one of the storage areas attached to the barn into our room.

“Do you think I’ll be able to go on the next trip to town?”

“I don’t think there are going to be regular trips to town, Rachel. My impression is that the stores are all empty and they’re trying to stretch supplies for the winter. If they get wind of what we have, they may try to raid our supplies,” I tell her, keeping my voice low so it won’t carry.

“We have plenty, what does it matter? Besides, I think I want to live in town. It sounds like there are plenty of empty houses since people were leaving,” she responds, sounding completely sure of this decision.

I stop, opening my water bottle and motion for her to hydrate and catch her breath. “How are you going to decide which house you’ll take?”

“A big one, obviously.” Her face is darkening from the light pink, that I know the cold is responsible for to a brighter red, as she stands with her feet planted shoulder width apart.

“Okay, how are you going to keep it heated?” I ask her and get a look of disdain in reply. “You’ll have to chop your own wood for the fire place and haul it to the house. And where are you going to get food?”

“There will be some that was left behind,” she answers, shrugging her shoulders.

“The moment people left, I can assure you that their neighbors went scavenging for anything of value—first and foremost, food.” It’s taking every bit of patience that I have to calmly explain this to her. “So, now, you’re cold and starving. What’s the next part of your plan?”

“I’ll work for the people who have food, I guess.” Rachel’s face lights up like she’s won a spelling bee when she has an instant answer for my question.

“You’ll work? What magical job skill do you have that I’m not aware of? You’ve refused to learn how to shoot, either a gun or a bow, so how will you protect yourself?”

“Fuck off, Julia! I’m seventeen now. I shouldn’t even have to worry about these things, there should be some place where kids are taken care of without having to…” As she hears the words that have come tumbling out of her mouth, I swear I can imagine the loud click in her mind as she registersthe oneplace that she is being taken care of.

“Nowadays, seventeen means that you’re an adult. I’m not even three years older than you and I’ve been responsible for guard duty since I got here last fall. This day was always coming, Rachel, so it’s as good a time as any to start wrapping your mind around it.”

No matter how much my blood boils at being told to fuck off, I try to keep my voice soft as I respond. Not that it does any good. The look she gives me is pure venom before she spins on her heel and walks away. I border between surprise and awe that she’s actually walking in the direction that will take her back to our house. Then I almost giggle, thinking she probably didn’t mean to go that way.

Some part of me is raging that this happened to all of us, that my mom’s life is in actual danger right now because of something so simple as a pregnancy. And not knowing if anything will ever go back to the way it was less than six months ago, but instead taking a moment to enjoy a pity party, I’ve been forced to walk on eggshells around Rachel.

When she’s ready to live inthisworld, I’ll be happy to guide her, but the really special thing about someone telling you to fuck off? It’s permission to stop letting them have an impact on your decisions.

I continue along my grandma’s property line, occasionally just stopping to listen for any noises that are out of place, but the evening is still and I wave when I see Russ watching me walk toward him.

“Did you forget something?” he calls out when I get closer to him.

Looking around, I mime my surprise at finding myself alone.

“Do you need me to help you hide the body?” he asks, before pulling his gaiter down. The man is a master at keeping a straight face, so his next words bring a smile to mine. “I mean I will, but did you…”

“She was alive when she went stomping off,” I assure him.

“And which direction was she heading? Not toward the cliffs, I hope?”

“I don’t want her dead, Russ. I just want her to step up. If you have any suggestions, I’m open to trying anything at this point,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around his waist before lifting up on the balls of my feet to kiss him.

“Maybe ask her opinion about something. Not in the next day or so, because it’ll be obvious, but maybe that’s why she reigns in her attitude around Eddie? Because he asks what she thinks about things with Sara, or when he needs extra help.”

I digest his words and can see his point. “I’ll try it.”

“Any chance I can talk you into a quickie in the blind?” he asks, giving me a very impish expression and I laugh.

“After last time? Hell-to-the-no!” I still cringe in embarrassment of Dylan catching us in the act.

“Fine.” He lets out the word with a huge exhale. “How about if I go grab something for dinner? We can eat it out here then I’ll relieve you early.”

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