Page 77 of Give Me a Reason

CHAPTER TWENTY

Finn

We put our sketchbooks in Finn’s SUV and held Paisley’s hands as we walked toward the park. There were a few kids playing basketball, but the playground itself was quiet.

Paisley took off like a shot as soon as Finn opened the gate of the playground.

“The school shares this playground during the week.”

The sun was shining, warming us in the crisp fall air. Finn stood in the center of the playground so he could keep an eye on Paisley. She raced past us toward the swings. “Push me,” she yelled, and we followed her.

When Paisley arranged herself on the rubber seat, Finn pushed her.

“Higher, Daddy. Higher.”

I sat on the swing next to them. Being here reminded me of the times I took Iris to the playground at our trailer park. The paint was chipping, and each swing elicited a sharp creak, but it brought back a lot of memories. Taking care of Iris, worrying about her, wondering if we’d have food that night for dinner.

I didn’t think there was anything wrong with me helping Iris or my family out financially.

But I couldn’t keep Finn’s concern from my thoughts. Should I be selfish and take care of myself first?

Iris was the one who should go to school. She was twenty-two. It wouldn’t be smart for me to start all over again. I didn’t have the luxury of going to class. I needed a job. The security of it. The safety.

“You want to be pushed too?” Finn asked, his brow cocked.

I laughed, gripping the chains of the swing, and pushed off with my feet. “I can do it.”

I went higher and higher, feeling free and almost out of control. It was a weird feeling. I’d always been careful in every step I made, knowing I couldn’t make any mistakes. But these last few weeks with Finn had been different. I enjoyed letting go with him.

But I saw us as a temporary indulgence. There was no way we could continue like this. He had Paisley, and I had to worry about my job.

We didn’t have the luxury of letting go forever, but it sure felt good at the moment. We swung for a little longer, and then Paisley jumped off and ran for the monkey bars.

“Let me know when you’re ready to go. She’ll stay all day.”

“I don’t mind. It’s a beautiful day.”

“We could grab lunch. There are a few grab-and-go places near the harbor.”

“That sounds nice.” Every Sunday I spent with Finn and Paisley was a memory I’d keep with me forever. They were the perfect family. Finn was protective and caring, and Paisley was fun and sweet.

“And no, you’re not intruding on my day. Paisley likes having you here, and so do I.”

I didn’t argue with Finn, just took the hand he offered as my swing slowed to a stop. He led me over to a bench, and we sat next to each other. To anyone else, we looked like a couple. I felt like I belonged to them.

It was a scary feeling because it felt reckless to think that way. To trust that something could happen between us when I was the only one catching feelings. Finn hadn’t given me any indication that he wanted more. Other than a night in his bed.

And I wanted to experience that too, so I couldn’t blame him.

“What do you say we go out sometime when I’m not performing and don’t have Paisley?” Finn asked, his expression oddly vulnerable.

I licked my lips. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. It will only confuse things further.”

Finn played with the ends of my hair. “Maybe I want to confuse things. Tangle things up.”

“How would that be a good thing?” I didn’t want to get in any deeper with him or Paisley, but I couldn’t seem to help myself.

“We enjoy each other’s company, and I want a night with you. I want you in my bed.”

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