Page 13 of Give Me a Reason

Iris played with her food before speaking. “I signed up for a class at the community college.”

“Why would you do that? I thought you were going to wait until you had the money to go full time?” Dad asked.

I thought that excuse was just a barrier that meant Iris would never go, and I’d told her as much.

“I think this is a step I need to take that will push me in the right direction. I need to do this.”

“What class are you taking?” I asked her.

“My advisor said to take the standard classes and get them out of the way. I signed up for English 101.”

I couldn’t stop myself from reaching over and hugging her. “I’m so excited for you.”

In another world, I’d have already finished college and would be teaching in a school. But that wasn’t possible.

“Why don’t you go? You keep pushing me, but you’re the one who always talked about going to college.”

I had. I’d been so optimistic that I’d find a way. There’d even been a teacher and a counselor who encouraged me in high school, but when I saw the price tag for school, I couldn’t bring myself to apply. I couldn’t imagine owing that much money.

I couldn’t trust that I’d get a job out of college and be able to pay the astronomical loans back, and the interest rate scared me. I’d read all the horror stories online about not being able to pay them back, and they weren’t forgiven in bankruptcy either. Student loans felt like an albatross I didn’t want to put around my neck.

“You don’t need to go to college,” Dad grumbled.

Dad didn’t expect much out of life. He thought a consistent paycheck and health insurance were the holy grail. And I got it, growing up without made him appreciative of the little things. But I’d always dreamed bigger, and it probably rubbed off on Iris.

“Well, I’m proud of you. The first one of us to go to college.” Mom leaned over to hug Iris, and I couldn’t help but think I wanted to be the first to go to school. I knew the statistics that showed if you graduated from college, you were less likely to be in poverty. But the climb out was so steep. I just couldn’t see a way out.

When Mom let her go, I hugged her as well. “I’m proud of you too. Let me know if you need anything. Money for books. Whatever you need.”

“I appreciate that, but I can cover books for one class. Besides, it’s a little cheaper now that most books are electronic.”

“You don’t buy physical books anymore?” I asked her.

“Nope.” We talked more about the campus and activities she might want to get involved in.

I was a little sad for myself, but I was still happy for her. One of us would get to experience college.

“Are you dating at all?” Mom asked when we were cleaning up.

“I’m focused on my new job at the moment.”

“You can focus on both.”

“I’ve already proven that I can’t.” I got caught up in my last relationship. I stayed with Raymond for too long. Other job opportunities had come up, but I didn’t want to move to the next town and away from my boyfriend. He wanted to spend time with me, and I lost sight of my goals. I lost focus, and it wouldn’t happen again.

“You need to learn how to balance everything.”

“For the time being, I’m focused on myself and my family.”

Mom patted my hand. “I can’t fault you for that. But I want you to be happy. I know how badly you wanted to go to college, and now your sister’s going.”

“I’m thrilled for her. I promise. Don’t feel bad for me. I love my job, and I have a feeling it’s going to lead to something amazing.” Good things were happening. I could feel it. Not just for Iris, but for me too.

When Finn’s face popped into my consciousness, I pushed it right back out. He wasn’t an opportunity; he was one more distraction I didn’t need.

CHAPTER FOUR

Finn

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