Page 19 of Give Me a Reason

Her face fell. “I wish he’d teach me.”

“He wants to, but he said it’s hard for your little fingers. You might have to wait a couple of years yet.”

Paisley sighed, long and hard. “I know. But I don’t like it.”

“Waiting is hard.”

“What are you waiting for?” Paisley asked, her eyes wide.

“I’ve always wanted to go to college,” I said without thinking about my answer. It was the truth, even though I knew it was impractical to hold on to it.

“Why don’t you?” she asked as I spooned marinara sauce over her noodles and placed the bowl in front of her.

“It’s not that simple.”

“Daddy said if I get good grades, I’ll get into a good school. College was the best four years of his life.”

“He said that?” I asked, eager to know more.

“Oh yeah. He learned all the instruments and played for fun.”

“That is a sweet gig.”

Paisley wrapped the noodles around her fork. “What did you want to study?”

I poured a second serving into another bowl. “I wanted to be a teacher.”

“I don’t see why you couldn’t,” she said as she sucked in a noddle.

“It’s very expensive, and I didn’t have the money when I graduated from high school.”

Paisley sighed. “Daddy always says things are expensive.”

“He’s right about that.”

“Could you go now that you have a job?”

“Maybe. If I saved up for a long time.” But then I wouldn’t get the apartment I wanted, and I couldn’t support Iris in her dreams. “I’m helping my sister go, and that’s enough for me.”

“That’s so nice.”

“I love my sister and want the best for her. I want her to have everything I didn’t.” That was normally the viewpoint of a parent, but I’d always been in charge of her since my parents worked so much. I was protective of her.

“Daddy always says we shouldn’t give up on our dreams.”

“Your daddy is super smart.” And sexy and amazing, if only he didn’t believe that relationships were a waste of time. One thing was certain: No matter how attractive I found him, I wanted a man who wasn’t afraid of commitment.

I refocused on his daughter and said, “Let’s clean up and then get ready for bed.” The note Finn had left said bedtime was eight o’clock, and I intended to follow his instructions. I didn’t need to give him any reason to fire me.

Paisley grumbled, but she helped me rinse the dishes before placing them into the dishwasher. I’d hand-wash the pots after she went to bed. I knew all parents appreciated it when the babysitter cleaned up, so I made a point to put toys away, wash any dirty dishes, and fold laundry. My motto was to make myself invaluable and don’t give anyone a reason to fire me.

I ignored the voice in the back of my head that said I was good just as I was, and I shouldn’t have to prove myself. That was the way of the world, and I just needed to get on with it.

I coaxed Paisley into her shower with promises of books, then supervised her tooth brushing before settling on her bed. She had a double bed with a purple canopy. It was a true princess bed, and I was positive Finn indulged her either because she was his only child or because he only saw her every other week.

There was nothing wrong with giving your child everything, but the inner child inside of me was a little bit jealous. One day, I’d have the money to spoil the little girl inside me.

I read Paisley three picture books before tucking her into bed and turning out the light. I sat on the stairs until I was sure she was asleep, then I texted Finn that she was tucked in and out like a light. Then I made my way downstairs to wash the pots and tidy the dollhouse.

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