Page 11 of Give Me a Reason

After lunch, we headed to the game tents. Paisley was vibrating with excitement. “Can we do this one?”

It was a ring toss. I vaguely remembered the stories about these games being rigged, but I was sure it was still fun.

“I want the blue bear.” Paisley pointed to one of the stuffed animals pinned to the wall.

“I’ll get that for you,” Finn said, and my heart contracted. He was so confident and sweet, and I knew in that moment, he’d do anything for his daughter.

We watched as the lady handed Finn four rings, and he threw them, one by one, narrowly missing the ducks each time.

“Let’s do it too. If there’s three of us going for it, one of us will get the bear, right?” Ireland asked, taking a step toward the lady.

“I hope so,” I said to Ireland, not voicing my concerns that none of us would be able to win it, and Paisley would be disappointed.

We each tried and missed, then got back in line to do it again. Each time, Paisley’s face fell more.

“Let’s try a different game,” Finn said, guiding her to a ball toss in the neighboring tent. We had more fun with this one, getting a few baskets but not what we needed to win a prize. I could tell Finn was getting a little frustrated that he couldn’t win his daughter a stuffed animal.

“Who wants ice cream?” I asked when we passed the booth, hoping to distract Paisley with a treat. When our cones were ready, I passed them to each person, and we found a shaded spot to eat.

It was a great day. I’d enjoyed myself, even if things with Finn had been tense in the past. They talked about what they wanted to do next, but when I glanced at the time, I realized how late it was. “I need to go to my parents’ house.”

“You guys do a family dinner night?” Ireland asked.

“Yeah.” I bought groceries and brought them to my parents’ house. I wanted to make sure they had enough. They’d never ask me to do it; it was just something I’d gotten into the habit of doing when I moved out. I’d felt a lot of guilt for moving out and wanted to contribute in some way.

Ireland hugged me. “Thank you for coming.”

“I had fun.”

I exchanged numbers with Finn, and he said to text which evening I’d be available to come over. On the way to my parents’, I stopped for groceries, getting the things they usually didn’t—fruits and veggies, meats, and a few treats they didn’t allow themselves to have.

The farther I drove away from the Harvest Festival, the more like a fraud I felt. I hid my past from them because I was ashamed. Would they think differently of me if they knew?

I didn’t think they would, but I wanted to be someone new. Not the girl who needed clothes from a thrift shop or food stamps to eat. I wanted to be seen as an independent and successful woman who had everything together. Until that was my reality, they didn’t need to know where I’d come from.

When I got the job with Gia, I vowed to put my best foot forward. I was very conscious of how I looked and dressed. I’d heard the adage, dress for the job you want, and I took it seriously. I shopped at thrift stores to find brand-name clothes that would last. I wanted an amazing job that supported me, good friends, and a home that was safe and secure.

When I pulled down the familiar lane to the trailer park, my palms grew sweaty. Why did I think I could escape from this? This was who I was. There was a part of me that thought I should be proud of how far I’d come, but then I’d look at my current apartment and think it wasn’t far enough.

I wanted to get Iris and my parents out of the trailer. Without a college education, it was unlikely I’d be able to afford to move them to a new house. But I dreamt about it all the time.

I parked in front of their trailer, which had seen better days. The paint was chipping, the roof sagged, and the landscaping could use a face-lift. The small shed that Dad used for tools and the lawnmower had caved in during a storm and had never been fixed. My dad said he could fix it himself but never did.

I sighed as I pulled the groceries out of the trunk of my used car.

“Hey, sis.”

I smiled and returned Iris’s hug. “You’re not working tonight?”

Her shoulders lowered. “The restaurant isn’t busy on Sunday evenings, so they sent me home.”

“Did you explain that you need the hours and that you were scheduled to work?”

Iris shrugged. “Apparently, they’re allowed to do it.”

“I’m sorry.”

She smiled at me as she grabbed a few of the plastic bags. “That’s okay. I get to see you for once.”

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