Page 92 of Selling Innocence

“But you want revenge—”

“But we won’t sacrifice you for it!” Hayden raised his voice, his yell making my breath catch in my throat. For Char to yell or even Vance wouldn’t have shocked me, but I’d basically been yelled at now by both Hayden and Tor.

I really did fuck up somewhere, didn’t I?

Then Hayden’s words soaked in, making little sense.

“It’s not sacrificing me. I’m offering.”

“You can offer anything you want—we won’t take you up on it. I’m not here to trade one innocent for the life of another. I’m not about to lead you to slaughter just to get what I want. If you think I’m the sort of man who would be okay with that, then you sure don’t think much of me.”

The level of frustration and anger in his tone made me pull back, as if it burned me with each word.

“I’m trying to be smart,” I whispered.

“What did he say when we were out of the room? Did he threaten you? Did he threaten someone you know? Maybe those bodyguards of yours? Tell me, and I’ll help.”

I shook my head. He hadn’t threatened anyone, just warned me not to involve them. “It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it like? Because you’ve never mentioned this nonsense until right now. What changed? Do you think you’ll have it better with him? Are you falling for his whole soulmate thing? Are you that desperate to be wanted that you’ll do something that stupid?”

Normally, words like those would have shut me down. I’d have curled in on myself, licking my wounds and going quiet to not garner anymore anger.

Except, I’d spent too long with Hayden to do that. I sat up straight and met his dark eyes. “Are you kidding me? You think I want to be with that psychopath?”

“Then why are you suggesting that exact thing? Do you just not realize what he could do to you?”

“I’m not as stupid and sheltered as you seem to think I am. I know exactly what he could do to me. Do you really think he’s the first man to try to buy me? To try to own me? My father, before he tried to kill me, had planned to marry me off to a man in his fifties. I wore a fucking wedding dress and walked down an aisle, knowing the absolute hell waiting for me at the end. So yes, I know what’s waiting for me, probably better than you do. I saw so many women in that position all my life, women sold off to men for their name and giving them offspring with the right bloodlines, women who lost all their power. I know it’s giving up my future. I know he’ll do whatever he wants to me. Don’t you dare treat me like some child who has no idea what the real world is like. Don’t you speak down to me that way.”

“So why, then?”

“Because I care about you! Because I care about all of you and I don’t want to see you suffer anymore. I don’t want Char to die for this, to run himself into the ground like he’s doing now. I want him to move on, to show someone else the real him, to find real happiness. I want Vance to stop whoring around and respect himself, to realize he can still live a life, to find something he’s passionate about. I want Tor to stop standing on the sidelines of his own life, for him to smile more, for him to find something he cares about. And you? You absolutely frustrating idiot! I want you to stop thinking you need to trade your life for someone else’s, that you’re worth so little that the only value you have is to die for someone else. I want you all to be happy, damn it, even if I don’t much like any of you right now.”

I took a deep breath, then swiped my thumb beneath my eye to remove the tears that threatened to fall. “I’ve lived my entire life knowing I was a product that would eventually get sold off. I got some time to live my own life, and that was nice, but ending up exactly where I thought I would all along doesn’t change anything. But, hey, it’s better this way. At first I thought I’d have to do it for my father or because that’s just how it was done. At least this way, I’m doing it for a good reason. I think it’s worth it if it saves you all, you know?”

Even as I spoke, my brain bounced between terror at my future and reassurance that the men would be okay. Doing just one good, useful thing in my life would validate all the sacrifices others made for me, right?

And I couldn’t imagine trading my life so easily for anyone else. Somehow, these men mattered to me that much, and I needed them to be happy. I had to give them that chance.

Hayden said nothing, staring at me as though he couldn’t make sense of my words.

He rose to his full height, then came to stand just before me. Where Tor had cupped my cheek gently, Hayden hooked a single finger beneath my chin and tipped my face up toward him.

It made our height difference—especially with me sitting—all the more obvious.

The point where his finger pressed into me took all my focus, the only place we touched, yet it felt like he had me entirely under his control.

Hell, I shuddered, because between the touch and his steady gaze, I felt entirely enveloped by him, like he’d embraced me.

No matter how much I enjoyed it, how much I wanted it, I knew this was it. They’d wake up tomorrow and realize I was right, that this was the best choice, and they’d do the smart thing.

Lorien had given us time to make a choice, but the longer I put it off, the harder it would be. I wanted to spend every second until that here. Fuck school, fuck classes, fuck everything except memorizing every last detail.

Char’s sharp glares, Vance’s shameless come-ons, Tor’s calming presence and Hayden’s constant worrying. I wanted them all, but that was selfish.

It would be better for us all to get it done as soon as possible.

So I wrapped my fingers around Hayden’s wrist, asking him without words not to leave me alone, not tonight.

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