Loch’s soft snoring made me smile, and because of the darkness, I didn’t bother to resist it.
The fact she could sleep so soundly pleased me. It soothed me in a way, made me feel as if I could experience some level of that same peace. After wandering for a while, I had suggested we rest. We’d made no progress so far as I could tell and exhausting ourselves wouldn’t help at all. It hadn’t taken long after sitting before Loch had all but passed out.
I had never slept well, always thinking, always planning, always looking for enemies and ways to outsmart them. Loch closing her eyes and making herself so vulnerable around men such as Hale and myself humbled me.
And pissed me off, especially when I considered what I’d walked up on earlier.
The sight of Hale pinning Loch, her frantic shoving, the panicked sounds that had left her, those things would likely never leave me. If we had been anywhere else, if it had been anyone but Hale, I’d have likely never let them take another breath.
In fact, if we hadn’t fallen right then, I might have done it anyway.
“Your growling will wake her up if you don’t knock it off.” Hale’s voice was low to not bother Loch, and I nearly told him I wasn’t growling.
Except a strange sensation in my throat made me realize he’d spoken the truth. I cut the sound off, forcing myself to calm down.
Loch was stretched out, her head in my lap, her hand gripping the fabric of my slacks as if afraid, even in her sleep, to let go. Hale sat behind me, his back against mine since we’d yet to find a wall to lean against.It seemed like we existed in a space without walls, without anything but the ground beneath us.
“I don’t fucking know what came over me,” Hale whispered. “In my head, I kept thinking she was fucking with me, that she was just using me, that she was going to stab me in the back. I was so angry and I couldn’t think straight and I wanted some proof that she wasn’t like that.”
“You should know better. Loch isn’t the kind to betray people—she’s too honest. Even if she wanted to do so, you would be able to spot it well before she managed, because she’s too honest to slip such a ruse by you.”
“I fucking know that. At least, I think I do. But there’s this whisper in my brain telling me you’re all going to betray me, that you’re all going to use me and, it screams that I need to react, that I need to do something first. It tells me to keep you all at a distance.”
I rubbed my eyes, frustrated not only with Hale but with myself.
Mostly because as much as I hated it, I understood exactly what he meant.
I felt that discontent as well, this gnawing feeling inside me that made me hesitate in a way I rarely did.
Unlike Hale, it didn’t make me react as he had.
“You have to learn to think through that,” I said. “If this is really a result of the influence the Path has on us, it will only get worse the longer we are here. Loch may forgive you, but I assure you I will not should you harm her. The only option is to check yourself, to think through your own thoughts and feelings and counter the ones you know to be false. What you cannot do is take those feelings out on Loch—especially not after what she has already gone through.”
Hale let out a long sigh, the action causing his back to press harder against me. “I fucking know that. Even as it happened, I knew it. I just didn’t realize I wasn’t thinking right. Now that I know it, now that I can spot it, it won’t happen again.”
“It better not.”
A short break in the conversation happened, and just then, Loch rolled to her side, her cheek pressed against my thigh as she used my lap like her own personal pillow. Her breath warmed me through my slacks, and I told myself in no uncertain terms to not react.
My cock was not invited to this particular party. I had a feeling Loch waking up to an erection poking her in the cheek would not be reacted to well.
“Do you really think we can do this?”
I frowned at Hale’s question, surprised at it. Hale rarely showed a lack of confidence, didn’t let people see him flinch. Whether it was this place or what had happened with Loch, something had shaken him enough to be honest.
And a not-so-small part of me filed it away, wanting to use that weakness against him. I could plant seeds of doubt, make him question himself more, ensure I walked circles around him as he struggled to find his footing.
Except, the moment the thought hit me, I shoved it away. That was no different than what Hale had done—to do so would only be giving into the suspicion that the Path had filled me with.
I refused to be played by anything, to be manipulated by anything, even this place.
“I don’t know,” I told him honestly.
“So why come? Why are you here if you don’t even think we can do this? You never struck me as the type to throw your life away for nothing. You ain’t the white-knight martyr type.”
“No, I’m not. I wouldn’t lay down my life for much.”
“Much? Means there are some things you would die for. Never figured you’d say that. You always seemed way too heartless to care about anything that much.”