Page 35 of Run Like the Devil

I shook my head to try to clear the expression away. The last thing I wanted was to make her uncomfortable. “I was just thinking that your ability to find joy impresses me. I have rarely felt any true joy in my life.”

Her lips tipped down. “Never?”

“I’ve done things I’ve enjoyed, but true joy? Being happy just because I am happy?” I pressed my lips together as I thought back on my very long life, at all the things I’d experienced. I recalled the pleasant times, rare though they’d seemed. Brief flings I’d had with others, moments where good food or weather or sheer chance had put me in a good mood had of course happened.

That hadn’t been real joy, however. I’d never even realized there was a difference until I’d met Loch, until I’d seen a person who honestly found joy in living, even when she had no good reason to.

“Not really,” I admitted. “I always saw life as a job. I was created for a reason, to aid Hubis in keeping order. Anything beyond that felt superfluous. It seemed like unnecessary distractions. Instead, I focused my attention on what I needed to do rather than what I saw as temporary pleasures.”

“Why’d you take a place in the Chasm?”

The question was hardly unexpected. Anyone would want to understand that, want to know why a person would give up their place in the Plains and relegate them to the darkness of the Chasm. Still, I didn’t relish admitting it. “I just saw the chaos of the Chasm, the souls trapped there, and it felt wrong. To throw away some souls for something so arbitrary did not sit well with me.”

“And Hubis was just like, ‘okay, cool, have fun?’ He doesn’t seem nearly that go with the flow.”

“It was not so long a conversation. Hubis does not seek advice from others. He gives orders and expects obedience—nothing else. I told him what I planned to do, and he said nothing in return. The lack of response is the closest to approval one can expect from him. I doubt he was happy with the choice—the other angels certainly weren’t—but I stood by it. When I took on a demon form so I could own souls, it made it impossible for me to return to the Plains like that.”

“So you didn’t go back there in all those years?”

“No. It wasn’t until you destroyed my demon form, when I reverted back to my angel form, that I returned to the Plains.”

“And Hubis welcomed you back?”

“If by welcomed you mean he put me to work immediately, then yes, he welcomed me back. I would guess that he saw my return as proof I had learned my lesson and returned to the fold. I doubt he can fathom the idea that I might see things differently from him, that I might still side against him. Hubis doesn’t truly understand other people. He doesn’t know why they do the things they do because he never thinks in those terms. Hubis has never understood humans. He’s never even tried.”

“Well, he isn’t human, so that isn’t really so shocking, is it?”

I shook my head at her misunderstanding. “I am not human, but that doesn’t mean I can’t understand how humans think or predict their behavior. Hubis doesn’t see other living beings as real. Maybe that comes from having created them, a sense that they’re lesser because of that. Hubis has always seen humans as something necessary to populate a world, but he’s given no time or attention to getting to know any of them. Even in the Plains, he speaks to no one.”

“It’s probably hard to be the only one of your kind. It has to be lonely.”

“Your ability to see the good in those who do not deserve it knows no bounds, does it? Even after all he has done, you still make excuses for him?” My gaze shifted over to Yazmor, who walked behind us, picking up a rock, studying it, then throwing it aside. The next seemed to meet his approval because he placed it into his pocket. “And not all remnants behave in such a way.”

Her eyes widened and when she spoke back, her voice was low. “You know…”

“About Yazmor? Of course. Anyone who didn’t recognize him for what he is was a fool.”

“Gee, thanks.”

Her pouting warmed me. “You are still young, so you can be excused for not identifying him. For the rest of us, one look at the way he acts would make it clear enough. Kylie was a different matter. She changed her looks enough to hide, and she adapted to those around her to fit in.”

“Did you know her before?”

“I knew of her would be a fairer statement. She came to the Chasm and the Plains in the past, and there had been times where Hubis dispatched me or other angels for tasks that made little sense at first. Eventually, I realized they were for her benefit, but he always swore us to secrecy. He told us she could never know of our help or presence.”

“What’s between them? Kylie refused to tell me.”

“That I can’t tell you. I have no idea—whatever it was came from their world. As far as I know, they’ve never spoken or faced one another in the time I’ve existed.”

She pursed her lips, and I could nearly see the thoughts churning inside her. She really was interesting, the way what she thought played across her face, the way she worked through all the details to try to form an understanding of the situation.

I had hated that trait of hers when I’d first met her, had feared that it would lead to her demise, and yet now I could appreciate it. It was that drive that made her do as she pleased, the one that had her willing to take on the impossible. Now I understood it better. I could appreciate it for what it was—her power to do as no one else had managed. It made me wonder how far my little fish could take it, just how far she could swim upstream simply because she was the only one who would dare to try.

It was almost humbling to think that this girl, whom I had at first written off as unimportant, as foolish and naïve and weak, could have gotten further than any other had.

In fact, just looking at her made me tilt my head. She was here, between the four of us—men built by the world into vicious weapons—and she didn’t seem to fit at all. While we were all different, in many ways the Lords had always been similar. We saw the world in a very strict way, as something to be overcome and conquered.

We had spent our lives bathed in blood, never afraid to do whatever dirty work would get us what we needed. We were all large, all terrifying in our own ways.

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