Page 41 of The Name Drop

We all get to the office just before nine and head straight to our hackathon war room. There, on the table where I usually sit, three cereal bars wait for me. Of course Jessica got here early enough to drop these off for me.

I peel off the sticky note attached to one of them.

Elijah, per your request. :)

It’s one stupid line, no hidden meaning behind them. But my stomach decides that it’s flutter-worthy. My stomach is an asshole.

I take my wallet out of my back pocket and carefully fold the Post-it in half and put it away. What I’m saving it for, I have no idea.

I shake my head and smile to myself as I sit, opening my laptop and ripping the wrapper off my breakfast.

Time flies as we all focus on the tasks assigned to us today. I look up at the clock and am shocked to see it’s already five o’clock. Jessica has us working harder than I’ve honestly ever worked in my life.

And I’m having the best time. Go figure.

I’m not saying I’m giving up on a life of comfort and support at my fingertips. But there’s something to be said for the accomplishment you feel at the end of the day when you’ve worked your ass off and gotten shit done.

The thought crosses my mind that maybe, just maybe, my dad would be proud of me for what I’ve done this summer. But then I remember that for one, my dad isn’t impressed with hard work. He’s more of a get-the-most-credit-with-the-least-effort type of man. And two, well, he’s never been proud of me a day in my life. It does me no good hoping for any kind of validation from him.

Jessica stands and walks over to the whiteboard where we have all the plans for the hackathon event drawn out. She must look at that whiteboard a couple hundred times a day. “Hack It Until You Crack It” is written across the top. At first, I thought the name of the event we came up with was cheesy. But it’s growing on me.

I honestly don’t care about what this will do for Haneul. What matters to me is that this is something that this group of freaking geniuses wouldn’t ever get the opportunity to participate in otherwise.

“It looks good,” I tell her, joining Jessica at the board.

“It does. It’s a solid plan,” Jason adds.

I catch a glimpse of the three of us standing shoulder to shoulder reviewing the details. Does he have to be so tall? I feel like the kid brother whenever I’m next to him. It makes me want to cower and hide. Why I’m always looking for ways to remind myself how I fall short among this group, literally and figuratively, I’m not sure. I’ve never had a confidence problem before. Or maybe it’s actually arrogance that I’ve never lacked. Belief in myself? Totally different issue.

I feel like Jessica would tell me it’s just because I haven’t found anything to be passionate about, or something like that. Maybe she’s right.

“I presented to management today and they’re on board. So that’s a win,” Jessica says. “Even though no one was really paying attention. I should have had one of you guys do it. I bet they’d be way more interested in what we’re working on.”

It’s not the first time I’ve noticed Jessica make a side comment that seems an awful lot like throwing her hands up in surrender in the face of misogyny. This is a Korean company, and it’s old-school in a lot of the ways. She’s a girl and she’s young. Two strikes against her. I’ve already seen how they’ve treated my sister in situations where she was clearly in the right or knew more about what was going on.

“But if we can just bring it all together, execute like we’ve planned, this hackathon will be a success for a lot of people,” Jessica says.

“We’ll make it happen,” I say, more to myself than to anyone else.

“Fuck yeah, we will,” Jason says.

Jessica nods at Jason and then turns to me with a small smile. She looks over her shoulder at the group of interns hard at work around the conference table.

“Thank you all for staying a little late. Dinner’s on me,” Jessica announces. “Well, it’s on the company.” She returns to her seat in front of her open laptop.

Jessica was afraid of making any decisions just a couple weeks ago. But now she’s got us all organized and working pretty seamlessly, and she’s taking care of us too. From what I know of her dad, he definitelywouldbe proud of her.

I try to imagine what it would be like if Jessica and I were in the roles intended for us. I’d likely be hiding in my office and bossing Sunny Cho around to do all my work for me. But with Jessica as the executive intern, Sunny gets to go home to her boyfriend and cat at a decent hour because Jessica is on top of her shit. And Jessica maybe wouldn’t have found this new confidence that suits her so well if she wasn’t given this chance.

“Thanks, Jessica. How does everyone feel about Thai food?” Jason asks. He moves over toward Jessica, leaning over her shoulder to look at her laptop screen with the Grubhub home page pulled up.

All my hackles raise in alert.Too close, too fucking close.

I’m just being protective because I forced her into this role and fed her to the Haneul wolves. If Operation Name Drop goes to shit, she probably would have it worse off than I would. I’d just have to deal with my dad. Still, he’d protect my, our, reputations at all costs. But I’m the only one who can protect Jessica...

Yeah, I’m like a bodyguard, that’s why I’m acting like a caveman. Sure.

Except, I remember exactly what it feels like to be as close to Jessica as Jason currently is. It’s like she’s a magnet I’m drawn to, and anytime she’s in the same vicinity, my body decides the space between us ceases to exist. I think about how I held her waist ever-so-lightly at Top of the Rock. Or when we leaned into each other in the water taxi to the Statue of Liberty. I’d do anything to be the one that close to her now. But short of pushing Jason out of the way, that’s not going to happen here.

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