Page 19 of That Sik Luv

“What? That he’ll choose Erin over Olivia?”

“No.” She scoffs in disgust. “That Erin did that to him? She’s being called the town whore now by everyone on Facebook since they got caught in that parking lot.”

This is how it goes. Anyone, especially the women in our community, is chastised for this. The men, not as much. Sex is not something we talk about aloud. In a marriage, that intimate part of the relationship stays behind closed doors, away from the topics of conversation. But it’s accepted. What’s not is fornication, and as soon as you get the title of a town whore, there’s no saving your soul. The repercussions of such an act will cripple your credibility as a woman of the Lord in our church forever.

The forgiveness they love to talk about only comes from those who choose to live their life for the Lord. An act like this? It’s practically unforgivable in their eyes. They’ll go through the acts of repentance, but never will they hold a place in the congregation as someone of proper respect or true worth.

This is where my internal beliefs conflict. I don’t see my God to be one not to forgive, but the church and its members make it well known that a stain like this on a woman is one that will never be washed out.

“I wonder why she did that?” I ask aloud. “I mean, if you were going to engage in something so reputation-shattering, why not just go all in and have sex?”

“Briony!” Mia gasps into the receiver.

“Well, I’m serious. Why not? Why that?”

“Because some promiscuous women seem to get off by getting someone else off, apparently,” she says repulsively before sighing. “I don’t know. Maybe she thought if she didn’t go all the way, she’d still be saved.”

My thoughts circle to Aero immediately. Images of me on my knees before him, looking up at his mask-covered face, flood me. My fingers trailing along his taut abdomen covered in ink that’s burned into my mind, scars and stories of the hell from which he resides. His large, veiny hands are in my hair again, gripping and pulling tightly as I please him with my mouth, making him growl with pleasure.

“Anyway, the ball,” Mia continues. “I heard Saint asked you today! Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shake my head of the thoughts, finding my fingers resting between my chest where he touched me, trailing the same path. Exploring that unknown element of urges and curiosities is making sense to me. I can’t even fault Erin for being curious. I can only blame her for getting caught.

“Um, sorry. It literally just happened like hours ago,” I say, standing and walking over to the bench of my vanity, peering at the flush in my cheeks from the inappropriate thoughts. “Didn’t you hear what happened?”

Surely, news of the mysterious brick thrower reached her before the news of him asking me to the ball.

“I was just told that he asked you after class this afternoon and that you said yes! I’m so happy we’re both going!”

I can’t believe information like the fact that Jacob is currently missing, or that Saint’s entire windshield was shattered in a mysterious attack isn’t known, but every stupid detail about who’s going with who to the Governor’s Ball, or that Erin is giving head, is. It’s so unsettling.

“I’ll need to borrow a dress again,” I state, peering into my sad little closet. Standing from my bench, I make my way over to my bed, plopping down and laying back as I look at the ceiling. “Maybe we can get ready together?”

“Of course,” she says quickly, like it wasn’t even a thought we’d do it any other way. “I’ll bring my closet over tomorrow.”

After making arrangements with Mia, I hang up the phone, staring at the white of my ceiling, devoid of any color.

It seems reminiscent of the straight and narrow path I walk in my life. Making the right choices, being that girl that follows the rules, only to still find myself treading water while the men in our church watch from their boat. The inequality is evident in the fact that Saint was assigned to teach the class with me instead of me teaching by myself like I’d been told.

I wonder about getting lost in color. Red in particular. The deep crimson of budded roses and evidence-burning flames.

Tonight, I’ll stay awake.

I’ll catch him off-guard.

Tonight I’ll meet my demon in the dark.

Chapter eleven

Old Friends and Dirty Secrets

Afterleavingherplace,I sat in my car, trailing my bottom lip with my thumb. Fisting her hair in my hand in that basement, I’d bit down on my lip until I tasted blood. Splitting my flesh was the least of my worries. Being near her in a conscious state is driving me more mad than I ever thought imaginable. There’s nothing I crave more than to break this girl. To show her how broken the world around her really is. To destroy that light within her that bleeds out through those innocent eyes, allowing her to see me in the darkness. Tonight. Tonight, I’ll show her that destructive truth.

I see it every time I’m near her now. She’s receptive to my masculinity. Wanting to be claimed the way a woman of her purity can only dream. I can feel it crawling beneath that porcelain skin. She wants to free herself from the chains of these rules that were meant to suppress her true desires.

I’ll show her how to scream. I’ll be the voice she never knew she needed.

But first, another job.

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