Page 81 of Two to Tango

‘Bye, baby.’

Izzy is still looking at me as I knock the truck into gear and head back to the city. I force myself to look straight ahead. But as we pull into line behind traffic, she asks, ‘Alice, as inAlice in Wonderland?’

I glance quickly at her and back to the road. ‘Yes.’

‘Your tattoo.’

I nod. ‘It was the first tattoo I got, a long time ago.’

‘Do you still… I mean, are you over her?’

‘Am I over Alice?’ I don’t know why I feel the need to repeat the question. ‘Izzy, Alice and I haven’t been together since Cady was born. We were seventeen.’

‘Why don’t you drop Cady at home?’

I feel the muscles of my jaw tense and my nostrils flare as I breathe out. ‘Cady has two homes, and I just don’t, okay? Can we drop this now?’

‘Yes. I’m sorry. Cady obviously has two homes. This is just all new to me.’

Guilt churns my stomach. I know it’s new to her. And I wish I could give her answers to her questions about Alice. The thing is, I don’t have them.

Am I over Alice? Will I ever be?

I know I feel different about Izzy from the way I’ve felt about Alice, or anyone.

Can I be in love with Izzy and not be over Alice?

Can I be in love with Izzy knowing that there is every chance she is going to break my heart?

30

IZZY

He has a child. Well, a young adult. Okay. I can handle the idea. We had a great day, yesterday. Cady is nice; she’s funny. She reminds me of Brooks in too many ways to count.

But she’s an adult, going to college, and I don’t even know what I want to do with my life yet.

Brooks tells her to get a job and be responsible but even I don’t have a real job. My parents still pay for my apartment.

Does it really matter? Am I beating myself up over nothing because I would never be number one if I were to be part of Brooks’ life? I’m not just talking about Cady but Alice. Alice in bloody Wonderland. He couldn’t tell me he is over her.

Oh, Izzy, grow up.Of course, he isn’t over her; she is the mother of his child. She will always be there.

See, this is my point exactly. I need to grow up myself.

‘Izzy? Does that all sound okay?’

I move my attention from my fingers to Kerry, as she and I sit with Madge and Brooks around a table in the gym bistro.

‘Erm, yes. The studio will send a car. Brooks and I will drive to AMTV together. They’ll ask about the results of the two weeks.’

Brooks puts his hand on my thigh and questions me with his gaze. I force myself to smile back at him.

‘Great,’ Kerry says, shuffling pieces of paper on the table in front of her. ‘Next, we need to go over a few details of your London promo events when you get back. Brooks, Madge, you guys are free to go if you like. You’re welcome to stay too.’

‘We’ll leave you to it,’ Brooks says.

After saying their goodbyes to Kerry – Brooks seemingly increasingly less offended by her – Brooks and Madge move into reception. But as Kerry starts talking me through three book signing dates in the UK, I can’t take my eyes off Brooks. He drags a hand back through his hair and across his chin. Madge reaches a hand to his shoulder, as if she’s comforting him. Then she folds him into her arms and they linger there.

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