Page 29 of Stray

“Understandable, most people don’t like them. It’s usually not associated with a favorable time in one’s life.” I watch her cross her legs. She’s wearing cut-off jeans, and like the rest of her, her legs are covered in tattoos. I chuckle to myself at her “bee’s knees.” I remember her saying something about not wanting to see her scars, and I wonder, how many of those tattoos are to cover scars?

“I was sick a lot as a kid,” I say softly. “I spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals.” Ozzy gives me a sympathetic look.

“That must’ve been hard. Was it for long?” I rub the back of my neck, feeling somewhat uncomfortable talking about this, but at least she is talking to me.

“About a year. I was eight. I caught the flu at school, and it turned into something crazy. I had pneumonia and bronchitis on and off nearly that whole time.” I shake my head, remembering the sad looks on my mom and brother’s faces. “Mama was sure I was going to die. I was skin and bones and couldn’t breathe on my own. It was terrible. Then, when I started to get better, I was still so weak both physically and immune-wise. Plus, my parents and I were terrified to let me near other people because we feared one cold would send me back to the hospital.”

At some point during my story, Ozzy moved to the chair next to mine. “Well, look at you now. You’re all muscles, chest hair, and beard,” she gives me a reassuring smile.

I laugh in surprise. “I don’t know what my chest hair, and beard have to do with anything.”

“Yeah, not my best one,” she sighs and rests her head back on the chair. “I’m just tired. I’ll think of something more clever tomorrow.”

“Oh, so you’re planning to talk to me tomorrow?” I ask, and she peeks open a black-lined eye.

“Yes.” She says, and I’m caught off guard by how much weight that simple word holds for me. She sighs before slipping her hand into mine and interlacing our fingers. “You’re the first thing ever to keep me grounded.” I watch as she brings our joined hands up to inspect. “Even before I was hurt, I was a runner: rolling stone and all that. My dad was never in the picture, and my mom,” she lets out a dry laugh. “Well, she’s where I learned it from.” Her smile is sad, and her eyes are distant. “I rarely saw her unless it was time to move or meet her new boyfriend. My point is I’ve never stayed anywhere long, never wanted to be close to anyone. Hell, Indy is the only friend I have, and I firmly believe it’s because our friendship is almost entirely done over text and phone calls.”

She takes a breath as she places her other hand on top of where our hands are still joined and begins running her fingers over my calloused knuckles. Fuck, it feels nice. I didn’t realize I had been missing this. Not that I ever really had whatever this is. I’m no saint, but there hasn’t ever been hand-holding or soft touches that didn’t result in sex. And in the last five years, I can count on one hand, with fingers left over, how many times any touch resulted in sex. I want to touch her back, it’s almost like a fucking ache. I know I can’t, and it eats at me to not be able to give her the same calming sensations she’s giving me.

“I don’t know,” Ozzy’s sigh pulls me out of my thoughts, and I look from our hands up to see her worrying on that fucking pouty bottom lip of hers. Her lips are so fucking soft, and sucking that lip into my mouth last night… No, Jackson! Stop! You can’t get a fucking boner in the waiting room. Jesus Christ!

“It’s the first time I’ve come back,” she whispers before peeking at me. “To the ranch. To you. I wasn’t going to, I was… I was ready to run again. But I’m tired.” She lets out a small laugh that doesn’t meet her glassy eyes. “I’m so goddamn tired of not feeling safe and running away.”

“Do I…” Clearing my throat, I rephrase the question. “Did I make you feel unsafe last night? When we–”

“Oh! Oh, god, no! That’s the problem.” I furrow my brows and cock my head to one side.

“You’re gonna have to spell this one out for me, baby.” Her nose wrinkles when she smiles, and I have to look away. That smile, fucking hell, there ain’t a thing on this earth I wouldn’t give to her if she smiles at me like that again.

“I like it when you call me baby,” she admits, a light blush creeping up her cheeks.

Keep smiling at me like that, and I’ll call you baby until the day I die.

Woah. That was a bit much there. Say something like that to her, and she’ll definitely rethink that whole not running thing.

“I liked kissing you,” she continues… What should I say? Thanks? Me too? That was nothing?

“Funny way of showing it.” Perfect Jackson, fucking perfect. And there goes the hand-holding, goddamn it. As she stands, I’m about to say something, but she cuts me off.

“I know, and I’m sorry. That was a real dick move. I just… Jackson, this is all so fucking scary for me.” She gestures between us with her hands. “I’m damaged on a level that is so bad I haven’t even disclosed it all to my therapist for fear of upsetting her. I live my life in constant fear, and I never let men close to me in any capacity. But I did last night. And before with holding your hand. And it scares me because…” Her eyes find mine, and I see how hard she’s trying to hold back her tears, and it fucking guts me. “Because I wasn’t scared of you. I liked it, and I felt safe with you. I feel safe with you, and it scares me to allow someone else that kind of power over me.”

I nod slowly as I stand up. “This is weird on my end too, Tink. I’m terrified of saying the wrong thing, touching and upsetting you. And please don’t take that the wrong way. The last thing I want is for you to feel bad, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“No, I understand. What you’re saying makes sense. I just… I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I do know that I feel safe with you and don’t want to lose that.” I give her a small smile, wishing like hell I could hold her.

“I don’t want to lose it either.”

* * *

“Did you see my nurse?” Theo waggles her eyebrows, and I smack my face.

“You have been out of recovery for fifteen minutes. Keep it in your pants.” Theo scoffs, her eyes unfocused and heavy-lidded.

“Shit, I ain’t about that life. I’ll have her number before the end of today.” She trails off, and Ozzy snorts.

“She and Carter are fucking twins, I swear,” Ozzy mutters while checking over Theo’s monitors. I don’t know why, but her double-checking everything pulls at me, maybe because it shows she cares about my family like I do.

“Theo puts on a player act, but that’s all it is. She’s more like me than anyone when you cut through the shit.” Ozzy raises a brow as we start to walk out of the room to let Theo rest. Her surgery went perfectly, and she’ll be laid up for a bit, but it won’t be long before she’s back to her usual self.

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