Page 54 of Hate To Love You

My throat gets tight. “I’m glad you weren’t alone.”

“I never was. I was hurting, and I missed you like crazy, but I threw myself into my classes. I did finish, but I found working in an office so stifling. Except, I met William there. He wasn’t my boss, but he was one of the bosses. I was an admin assistant, and then I worked my way up to an executive assistant position for someone else. One day, Will’s assistant got sick, and they needed someone to sit in and take minutes for him in his meeting. I’d never even seen him before that day, and I’d worked at that company for nearly eight months. I think it was pretty much one of those love-at-first-sight things…if that even exists.” Her blush gets blushier and redder, and it’s so freaking cute on her. She strokes my doll’s hair, thumbing the bright red curls over and over. “Or at least attraction at first sight. He’d never been married, but he was ten years older than me. He didn’t think he was looking for someone, and I certainly wasn’t, but we found we had things in common. He’d made a good living working there over the years, and his job was important to him. He really loved what he did. We could have kept it a secret, but I really wasn’t happy working in an office. I wanted more freedom.

“I know everyone on earth wants to be a photographer now, but Will knew people who knew people, and all I had to do was pick up a camera. It was always a hobby, but when I started putting in the time and effort, it wasn’t hard for Will to arrange a show for me, and also, just like that, I started getting jobs. I opened a studio, sold images, and took bookings. It had very little to do with my own talent and much more to do with Will and all the people he knew supporting me at first, but I’d like to think people hire me now because they love what I can provide.”

“Of course they do, Mom.”

I want to say that over and over again. Mom. Mom. Mom.

She blinks back tears and looks at me with so much love and pride. I think she could stand here and hear that word over and over again. “You’re always welcome to come to New York with me.”

“Thanks.” I have to set the doll down on the dresser because I don’t want to keep playing with her hair and wreck it. There’s only so much handling that poor stuff can take. It was mighty decrepit when I used it in the first place. “That really does mean everything to me. I told Apollo that if I ever found you, I’d want to move out wherever you were and be with you. He said he’d follow me if I wanted him to. That we could go anywhere. But I’m just not sure I’m ready for New York. I wasn’t even sure until a few days ago that I wanted to stay here, but I think this is what I want. I want to take a chance on my wounded heart healing and still have lots of love to give. It’s so beautiful out here. I love Bitty Kitty. I love the mushroom house. I love these silly rooms. And I love the tree fort outside and the yard and the mountains. I also love the garden and the flowers and the woods. I’m not even sure what I want to do with my life yet, but I’m taking small steps. There’s one thing I’m sure about, though, and it’s that I want a relationship with you, Apollo, and Dad. I know it’s a complicated thing to work out, but I’m going to figure out a way. I need all of you in my life. I need all of you in my heart.”

“Oh, baby. I’m so, so proud of you,” Mom gushes.

We fling ourselves at each other, crush-hug the crap out of each other, and bawl some more.

“You have no idea what it means to me, hearing you say that. Hearing it in person, I mean. I just want to hug you forever.”

“Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”

We stay like that for a long time. Long enough that, for anyone else, it would be awkward, but not for us. We finally let go and head to the window because something catches our attention. I don’t know when Will had the time to change. He must have raided the trunk of whatever their rental was because no one came into the house. I would have heard them unless they were super stealthily quiet. Apollo is out there, too, stripped down to his boxers.

They don’t yell anything. They just take off from the far end of the yard, sprint as fast as they can, and leap off the end of the pool. We both gasp as they make perfect cannon balls with giant splashes, and we release our breath at the same time when they both surface.

Mom and I look at each other. “Do you think…” she asks.

“That we should go outside and give that a try?” I finish.

“I did bring a bathing suit.”

“And I have one here, too,” I say.

“It does look fun. And it would be pretty refreshing.”

I don’t tell her I hate swimming or that I detest water because I don’t think that’s true anymore. I don’t hate something as abstract as all the pools in the world for taking Apollo away from me in a way. Because I haven’t lost him, and he’s not gone anymore. He’s right out there, laughing wildly, climbing out the side of the pool alongside Will, and getting ready for another round of cannonballs.

“You live in such a magical place. Your house, your skunk, your pool, and your mountains. I can see why you wouldn’t want to leave.”

I’m pretty sure she’s watching Will while I’m watching Apollo. I can think of another reason not to leave. Even if he said he’d come with me, he seems the most at home out here. Just like Mom would never want to leave New York if Will’s heart wasn’t in it, I don’t think Apollo’s would be in moving to a big city like that. Not saying it won’t be that way in the future, but right now, I think we’ve both found a measure of real happiness, and that’s rare in the world.

It’s compounded a thousand times by the fact that I now know my mom. I’ve met her again. She’s going to be in my life from now on, and I’m going to be in hers. I’m going to find a way to forgive my dad, and Apollo and I will support the company from a distance. Anything is possible for me in the future.

Anything is possible for us in the future.

I wrap my arms around my mom again. “Yeah, it took me a while, but I think I’m finally where I was meant to be a long time ago.”

She nods, tears in her eyes again. “Let’s go get our bathing suits.”

EPILOGUE

Patience

It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready for New York. It was just that I realized I was ready to admit to myself what I’d known for a long time.

I wanted to be where Apollo was.

It felt a lot like taking the chance of a lifetime at the start, but it was never either of us putting the other on trial or one or the other afraid that we’d be left with the ashes of something that was once wonderful. I only use the word chance because we took a chance on ourselves. Both of us. We made that decision together. Taking a chance can sometimes just be another word for dedication and commitment or a new start. It doesn’t always have to mean a gamble. Not like that poker game that brought us back together, even if now I look back on that night differently.

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