Page 49 of Hate To Love You

We slept in our separate bedrooms last night, obviously. Both of us tried to pretend nothing was happening since Dad was still here. I still thought about her to the point where it felt like my balls were going to explode, and then, right when I was going to get up and have a shower, and you know, do things in there to relieve the pressure, I must have fallen asleep because the last thing I remember was my nuts aching so fiercely that I wondered if it might be a legit medical emergency.

“I can fill the kettle for you,” I say.

“Don’t worry. I can do it.”

We’re doing that thing—being awkward and making small talk. I don’t know how to not be awkward or make small talk, but Patience is braver than I am.

“I know some people genuinely want to be alone, but I’m not one of them. I just want you to know that.”

Wow, that’s so much more than a sentence while I still don’t know what to say. I do make eye contact, though, because it’s respectful, even if I’m out of words and flustered. Patience is always going to be the most beautiful woman in the world. This morning, in her flowy tank top with little hearts and her jeans, she makes my heart stop. To be fair, anything she wears—or nothing at all, especially nothing—will have the same effect.

“I just wanted you to know that. I wanted to say it because last night, I said some things in the heat of the moment, and I wanted you to know that…that it didn’t make them any less legit for me.”

Should I offer her breakfast? Eggs? Toast? Ham? Should I tell her I’m the one who is ruined for anyone else after one single taste of her? Should I tell her I’d build a million mushroom houses and burst a thousand blow-up chairs if she wanted me to? Should I tell her I’ve been falling for her and longing for her in different ways for as long as I can remember? Wait. I already did tell her that. All of it. Multiple times.

That’s not what she needs to hear. That’s not why she’s looking at me with a sudden dark heaviness in her eyes. And that isn’t why she’s focused on my lips.

“Okay.” Even that one word is strangled and gasped out. I need to chill, mellow down, and be as cool as that cucumber that is somehow always going to be the benchmark for chill vegetables the world over. It doesn’t matter that my heart is grinding to a slow halt or that my pulse is all over the freaking place.

“I think, deep down, we’re all afraid things will go wrong. That we’re just going to be something or someone that doesn’t mean enough to someone. It’s natural to have those fears. No one wants to get hurt, and thinking ahead is a way to protect ourselves. I think, throughout most of my life, I’ve overthought everything. I haven’t acted, though, because overthinking makes me paralyzed. I didn’t say what I wanted, even when I did know. It’s going to take some time to get used to putting it out there without feeling extremely selfish.”

“No. Don’t feel selfish. You’re the least selfish person I know.”

“That’s odd because you know yourself.”

I should fill the kettle, get the eggs out, pour coffee, and do something with my hands instead of letting them hang awkwardly against my sides, but the way Patience is looking at me says she likes my awkward hands. She’s still focused on my lips, and her gaze is smoldering, to say the least. Just by looking at her, I get hot and flushed and tingly all over.

“You’re also the most beautiful person I know,” I blurt.

Her nose wrinkles, and then her lips twitch like she’s going to sneeze, but oh wait, it’s a small grin. It turns into a smile, and making her smile is pretty much my new life goal because it’s so beautiful. “That’s odd because you know yourself.”

I’m still not entirely sure this is even happening. I think I might wake up and find that our dads are still here, there’s still all this rhubarb and fridge rage, and things are still a mess between them. Things still aren’t perfect between them, but with the way Patience is looking at me right now, I’m sure I’m not dreaming it. I’m sure she’s got that look on her face telling me we’re alone now, and she’d like to kiss me again and maybe break a few pieces of furniture in here by accident. We’d have to really try at that because they’re all very sturdily constructed.

Fuck, that thought goes straight to my balls.

Her eyes get darker. She blinks, and every time her lashes flutter, there are new shadows in them. Darker desire and more want. When they shift a fraction lower, sweeping over the rest of me, my knees get weak, my dick punches against my zipper, and language deserts me yet again.

“Last night was pretty amazing,” she whispers. “Well, minus me not being able to ever look your dad in the eye again.” She takes a step, and that turns into a few more, and suddenly, she’s in front of me, taking my hand in both of hers. “I never thought I’d have mind-blowing sex in a tree fort.”

“We…didn’t…” Cough, cough, sputter. I sound like an ancient beater car backfiring.

“I distinctly remember your mouth on my pussy, so I think it counts.” Her tongue sweeps out and wets her bottom lip. My entire body becomes one big goosebump, which seems at odds with the volcano currently brewing under my skin. “I guess it wasn’t that mind-blowing for you because we never got to the parts where you could actually enjoy—”

“I enjoyed it.” I never thought this would be real. Not with her. I’ve waited half a lifetime to be here right now, which makes this feel even more dreamlike. “I enjoyed it so much.”

“I think, to be fair, you should kiss me again. I should kiss you again. And we should get to the part where you can truly enjoy yourself.”

“I truly enjoyed myself,” I say hoarsely to her.

“Like more enjoyment.”

“More?” Quork. I sound like those crows or ravens calling each other when they’ve made an exciting discovery like bread crusts or compost or bird seed in a new place.

“I’d like to kiss you, Apollo. Would that be okay?”

Her hands run up and down my arms like she has to chase away a chill in the air. I think I might be a little in shock. I think my dick might be so hard, and my balls so blue, that the medical emergency is real after all.

“Yes.” Wait, it’s working. “Yes, that would be fine.”

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