Page 55 of August and the Night

"Please, I can explain," her voice pleads, each word laced with regret and an urgency that leaves me bewildered.

My heart aches with confusion and a deep desire for answers. I push myself to my feet, my steps shaky as I approach the door. I hesitate for a moment, my hand trembling as I reach for the doorknob. With a deep breath, I turn it slowly, the door creaking open to reveal Lily on the other side.

Her eyes are red-rimmed, her face streaked with tears, but there's a sincerity in her gaze that I can’t deny. She steps closer, her body trembling with emotion, and she reaches out as if to touch me.

I back away, my own emotions a tumultuous storm inside me. "Explain," I whisper, my voice barely more than a hoarse murmur.

43

Layla

I take a breath to explain, dark emotions sweep through me. My heart starts pounding, and I change my mind in an instant; I don't want to hear whatever she has to say. My mind races; there is nothing she can tell me that would make her actions justified. I regret telling her to explain, and I cut her off before she even starts.

"Explain? Explain?" I shout, my voice filled with disbelief as I pace back and forth, my hands clenched into fists. Each word I utter is laced with anger that I can't contain.

Lily, her eyes are filled with remorse, begins to try to speak again, but before she can finish, I turn towards her and grab her by the collar of her shirt. "Explain what? How you and father were plotting to sell me all along?" The accusation hangs in the air, a dagger aimed at the heart of our friendship.

My anger and confusion reach a breaking point, and I can't contain it any longer. I start hitting myself, my fists connecting with my own body as if trying to punish myself for my naivety. "How you are involved in all of father's illegal deals, even help make them happen? How you sleep with father?" The words pour out like a torrent, each revelation a fresh wound that cuts deep.

Lily manages to stop my hands from striking myself, her whispered apologies a fragile attempt to calm the storm raging inside me. She tries to pull me into a hug, but I look at her with a gaze filled with pain and anger. "You are nobody, Lily," I spit out, my words dripping with bitterness. "Just a sad, pathetic pawn in a game played by ruthless men. A ran-through slut is all that you are."

Her eyes, once filled with remorse, turn red with anger. In a swift motion, she pushes me away from her, the force of it causing me to stumble backward. The room seems to spin as I fight to regain my balance, the air thick with tension and betrayal.

"How dare you?" She screams at me, her words full of hurt as she looks at me like I am the one at fault. "Do you know how much I went through for you? I have been through hell to protect you." She barks out, her hands trembling at her side as tears flow down her cheeks.

"Oh please-" I chuckle humorlessly as I turn around to go back to my room, closing myself off from this conversation.

"I was eleven, Layla," She says, her voice cracking with pain, and I stop in my tracks, my heart racing at the possible meaning of her words. I turn to face her again, my legs shaking as I wait for her to continue.

She takes wide strides my way until she is facing me. Her hand reaches out to twirl my hair between her fingers as she whispers, "I was eleven when your father started to touch me just like this." I pale as she continues, my chest pounding with a combination of fright and disgust.

"But he didn't stop there, Layla," She whispers in my ear, and I feel my legs give out from under me. I sit on the floor next to her feet as she continues, "It was either you or me, Layla, and I chose to put myself through that to protect you."

"And then after a couple of years, when I hit puberty, I started to not satisfy his pedophilic urges anymore. I had to think of a plan to protect you from him, and that's when I started convincing him to sell your virginity when you're older. I started telling him of all the money he could make from selling off his daughter, pure. Each year he would nag at me that it's time, but I would come up with a reason to postpone it to another year. I vowed to come up with an escape for us before that could ever happen." She tells me shakily, looking off to the distance, and when I try to reach for her hand, she pulls it roughly from mine. I feel a sob rake through me as guilt eats me from the inside out.

"By convincing him of this, I had to take your destined place as the seductress. I did awful things, I am not going to deny that, but I do not regret anything. I did them all to protect you. I have demons that haunt me because of all that I was forced to do, never felt happy a day since my eleventh birthday. I even had to be with someone I hated, all to appease your father. But if time goes back, I wouldn't change a thing because my actions meant that you could stay safe, it meant I could fight the battles that were meant for you." She says as tears flow down her cheeks, she turns to look at me, her eyes full of pain.

"I endured years of abuse for you, got scarred for life for you, have wounds that will never heal for you. And when a man comes along and shit-talks me to you, you believe him instantly without even hearing me out. Is this how you repay me for all that I did? No one in this world can ever love you more than me, Layla. No one in this world will ever sacrifice what I did for you." She says, appearing broken, tears streaming down her beautiful face, and I feel self-hatred eat away at my heart.

She turns away to leave, and I clutch onto her knees, feeling like I am holding onto the last threads of my world. Tears stream down my face, and my voice trembles with desperation as I beg her not to leave me.

"Lily, please... please don't go," I choke out, my heart aching with the intensity of my emotions. "You can't leave me now. You mean everything to me. I promise I didn't mean what I said."

Lily's eyes look distant, like she is lost in her own thoughts, her own pain. I hold on tighter, hoping that my grip can convey the depth of my feelings when words seem insufficient.

"Thank you, Lily. Thank you for being my rock, for being there when no one else was," I whisper, my voice carrying the weight of genuine gratitude. "You've stopped so much darkness from coming to me, you saved me. I am sorry for all the things you went through for my expense, I am so sorry.”

But Lily remains silent, her gaze still distant, unresponsive to my words. Any hope I had in me begins to wane. My world is unraveling as I cling desperately to Lily's knees. Hot tears flow down my cheeks, each drop a testament to the depths of my desperation.

"Lily, please, please don't go," I implore, my voice cracking with my emotions. "I can't bear the thought of losing you. You're everything to me."

But Lily's eyes remain vacant, her expression a painful mask of resignation. She gazes down at me, her lips trembling as though holding back words that remain trapped within her.

I tighten my grip on her knees, my fingers digging into her jeans. I have always depended on Lily in ways that are probably unhealthy, and the mere idea of our connection shattering because of me is unbearable.

Lily never once looks at me, unreachable. My heart sinks, realizing that my words seem to fall into an abyss, I say, "I'm sorry, Lily. So profoundly sorry," my voice trembling with remorse.

"I've made mistakes, hurt you in ways that I can never undo. But I did’t mean any of it, I apologize."

---