Page 12 of House of Deceit

“He’s a dragon chasing the prince who came to save the princess.” She grabs a spice from the counter next to her and adds it to whatever I hear sizzling in the pan.

“Sure, sure. Maybe I should just be a stripper. I feel like that will be a quicker way to make money.” Courtney puts the lid on her pot, grabs her phone from where she has me leaning, and sits at her island while the dinner simmers.

“Babe, with love, you are one of the worst dancers I’ve ever seen in my entire life,” Courtney tells me, sympathy in her voice.

“Maybe when my boobs are out, that won’t matter.”

“You would need boobs the size of Neptune to offset your complete and utter lack of rhythm.”

“Rude. I think the size of Pluto would suffice,” I try to joke.

“Pluto isn’t a planet anymore.”

“What does that matter, Court?”

“Well, I don’t know! I just felt like it did,” she says, exasperated.

“Can we get back on topic? My world is ending, and Pluto's lack of planetary status doesn’t exactly rate high on my priority list.”

“Right, yes. Do you have any nice underwear? People would probably want them faster if they have frills and things on them.” She pulls the ponytail holder from her disheveled hair, fixing it as she ties it up once more.

“I don’t exactly have the money to buy new underwear.”

“I’ll float you.”

I sigh, looking up at the ceiling of my car. “This is, possibly, the rock bottom of my life.”

“No way. This could be way worse. You could live with your parents.”

“I sold my couch last week. I have been sitting on the floor of my apartment and my mom offered to let me move back in.”

“If you don’t want to do that, you could always move in with me.” I knew she would offer at some point, but I could never take her up on the offer.

“Yes, because J.D. would love that. Where would I sleep?”

“I’ll make him sleep on the couch, and you can sleep with me.” She turns and looks toward the living room. “Hey, babe?”

“Yeah?” J.D. calls out from where he’s being attacked with a cardboard sword wrapped in foil.

“Charles is going to move in with us, and you’re gonna have to sleep on the couch so she can sleep with me.”

“Sounds good,” he responds.

“See?” she says, turning back to me. “He wouldn’t care.”

“That would thrill my mother. Sometimes I think she loves you more than me.”

Courtney snorts. “Too bad she didn’t have a son that I could have married.”

“Court. Serious voice, serious moment. What do I do?”

“Serious answer. I don’t know, babe. It’s time to admit this isn’t working and, I never thought I’d say this but, I think you need to move back home.”

“No.”

“I do not see any other option here. Your savings are gone. You don’t have a roommate, and even if you did, finding one who would like to float you for the foreseeable future isn’t going to happen. You could marry for money, you’re hot, but we would have needed that to be plan A. I see no other option. I wish I did, but I don’t.” The pity in her voice tells me I can’t avoid this any longer. I have to move back in with my parents.

“I could always step in front of a bus and hope they hit me just hard enough I could get a huge settlement, but not so hard that I’ll die,” I offer as a last-ditch attempt to save myself.

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