Page 43 of With You

“Sort of?” I scratched at my beard. “It’s been in my file for a while now but this wasn’t exactly the way I wanted to go about it.” I laughed ruefully. This was beyond on brand for me, declaring my love for a woman that just ripped my heart out of my chest—for the second time.

“I guess the phone calls from Sam asking if I’d heard from you were sort of intentional as well?”

“She called? Did she, uh, what did she have to say?”

I hated the threads of hope that came to life at his question. The instinct to crush them, just like she’d crushed me last night was strong. However, years of taking any scrap of information about her had conditioned me. So, when I asked the question, that was pretty on brand as well.

“This isn’t high school. I’m not passing notes between you two idiots.” The absolute misery I was feeling must have made me a pathetic sight because he cursed and took pity on me. “She asked if I’d talked to you and I said no. Which wasn’t a lie because Nash called me to pick up your inebriated ass in the middle of the night after she called.”

My fingers itched to pull out my phone and call her. Was she in pain? Had she taken her medication? Had she eaten, changed her bandage, slept enough? The urge to take care of her, be with her in any way she’d allow, rode me hard. Then the memories of every time that I’d settled for the smallest parts of Sam that she’d give stopped me.

That period had ended. I was either going to get all of her or settle for none. Because we both deserved more.

* * *

Pulling onto the familiar dirt road, reminders of when I’d been here before assaulted me.

Sam at my side, calling out my ridiculous behavior as I’d explained the high probability that Sebastian Thompson was a serial killer. Each image brought a smile to my face even as they pulled at my shredded heart.

The opportunity to leave Little Falls couldn’t have come at a better time. Gray unceremoniously closed the office for two weeks, informing us via text message. I’d allowed myself to wallow, imagining how excited I would’ve been to get that much free time to spend with Sam before, well, before I’d closed the door in her face. A face that was as stricken with heartache as I imagined my own was.

Then, I’d received a phone call that pulled me from my misery and self-loathing. Baz had called to congratulate us on closing the case and the moment he’d mentioned Sam, I’d informed him that our short relationship had ended. Then he’d surprised me by inviting me back to his ranch. Seeing as how I had a mandatory vacation and there was only so long I could stare at the mocking emptiness of my bed, I accepted.

My foot let off the accelerator, remembering the locked gate should be over the next hill. Yet, it wasn’t, locked that is. The gate was wide open, no Baz in sight. The engine hummed quietly and I winced at the banging of the cattle guard on my tires. Given that this was a common landscape in my state, I should probably trade in the BMW and invest in a truck.

And because all my thoughts led back to Sam, I imagined buying a black truck with black interior just for her, even though the Texas sun would heat the leather like the inside of a toaster oven. Nope, nope, nope, nope, stop it. There was no point in thinking about what Sam would like because the cold hard truth of it was that she didn’t care. Still, I didn’t think that the day would ever come that I wouldn’t think about her before making a decision, no matter how inconsequential.

The ranch house loomed on the horizon and an excited Dog ran circles around Baz as he bent over the open hood of his ancient truck.

Putting the car in park, I stepped out, grimacing at the dust covering every inch of the pristine paint job. Yup, definitely getting a truck. I lifted a hand to wave at Baz who was using an old bandana to wipe the grease off his fingers like he was a clichéd mechanic in a movie.

“Problems?” I gestured at the open hood and shook his hand with my other.

“Nah, just routine maintenance. Want to help?”

“Don’t know a damn thing about ‘em unless you happen to have a Ryzen 7000 processor under there or a 240-millimeter cooling system.” Baz’s face remained unchanged. “Sorry, computer nerd joke,” I added nervously. Lord knows my parents never would have let one of their sons show up to the fancy schools we attended with grease and dirt underneath our nails. No, the Ross family had people for that.

“Come in, let’s get a beer.” I was still suffering from the memory of my hangover and impromptu tattoo session days later but my mouth could use something to keep it busy while I figured out what the hell I was doing here.

Baz’s home looked the exact same as our last visit save for one obvious difference. One corner of his den was filled with cardboard boxes. Some were open, giving me glimpses of the contents; books, picture frames and various household items.

“You’re moving?” I was stunned that he’d leave his ranch. Baz had seemed perfectly happy with his solitary lifestyle, his horses and cattle. I had a hard time picturing him anywhere else.

“Yeah,” he said, clearing his throat. He was nervous, this was the first time I’d ever seen Baz unsure of himself. “I accepted Gray’s job offer. Thought it was time to rejoin the rest of the world, see what makes Little Falls so special.”

“No shit? That’s great, man, welcome to the team.” I shook his hand, not having to fake my excitement. Baz would fit right in at Falls Security and with his background, it would’ve been foolish for Gray not to pursue him.

“Thanks, the owner of the ranch next door has been wanting to expand for years and told me if I ever wanted to sell, all I had to do was name my price. He’ll take good care of the animals which was my biggest concern. Dog here is coming with me, though.”

He ran a large palm over Dog’s furry head and she looked up at him like he was her whole world. Maybe I needed to get a pet, something that wouldn’t mind my weird hours and cluttered space. A ferret might be cool, I could set up intricate tunnels around my desk for the little guy to get some exercise.

Baz tilted his head to the porch and I followed him out, settling in one of the rocking chairs. “Have you found a place to live?”

“Gray hooked me up with a realtor friend, they’ve been sending me some options but I haven’t settled on anything just yet. It’s going to be hard enough giving up all the land, I want to make sure I have room for a workshop where I can keep building in my free time, you know?”

I got that, my own place was cramped between my workspace and the tech lining every wall. I’d hoped that when Sam and I were on more solid ground, we would find a bigger place together. I guess I could move out, give her some space and not make it awkward. But the thought of not being near her made me feel sick.

We sat in silence for a while, both of us lost in our own thoughts while we drank our beers. My foot flexed, moving the chair. The gentle rocking was soothing and I wondered if I could convince Baz to make me one of these once he was moved in.

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