Page 59 of Begin Again

“He left after he’d done that. After he tried to blame me for making him do it. Just like he always did when we fought. I had to go to work and I knew he wouldn’t return until I was gone. I was lucky. His mother knew what was going on and I didn’t realize it. She showed up and helped me leave. She helped me pack and told me to go and not come back. She made it so I didn’t have to wait to find the right time to leave. Because that slap was the final straw for me, but not enough to leave at that moment.”

“That’s it?” Carolyn said. “You left?”

“That night with her help. I threw everything I could of my stuff in my car and left town and returned home. Drove through the night and all. I showed up on my father’s doorstep and he welcomed me in as if I’d never left. I should have remembered that. That the fear of letting him down wasn’t worth putting up with what I had.”

“You didn’t have a problem after? From your ex?” Carolyn asked.

“No. But I understand not all situations are like that. Which is why we can help. There are services there for that. As a teacher I’m sure you know of them.”

“Yes,” Carolyn said.

“Then remember that. If you won’t let someone help you, if you aren’t ready, just know that you aren’t alone. And that there is a life after you leave.”

She finished up with Carolyn and then left for her next patient.

By the time her shift ended, she knew what she had to do.

She had to reach out to Christian and tell him what happened to her. She’d never be able to move on if she didn’t do that.

He had a right to know why she was reacting the way she was.

Whether they continued with their relationship had nothing to do with the fact that she owed it to herself to not hide that she came out on the other side.

19

Darkest Part Of Her Life

“Thanks for coming over,” Liz said to Christian the next day at dinnertime.

She’d texted him when she clocked out this morning, told him she’d like to talk and asked if he could come to dinner.

He replied quickly and it told her that maybe she shouldn’t have waited as long as she had to reach out.

“I’m sorry,” Christian said.

“For what?” she asked. She hadn’t expected him to apologize right away.

“For leaving on Sunday. That was wrong of me. I should have stayed and talked it out with you.”

“Why didn’t you?” she asked. “The Christian I knew wouldn’t have lost it and left. You were always the guy that just went with what was going on around you. Nothing ever seemed to work you up before.”

“Maybe it means more now. I’m not the same person I was at sixteen,” he said. “I’d say you aren’t either.”

“No,” she said. “I’m not. And I need to tell you why I’m not. I’m not sure where we go from here, but I realized at work last night that I can’t go on like I’ve been for the past year.”

“What’s going on?” he asked.

She pulled out the chicken she’d been marinating since she got off shift. There were potatoes in foil that were seasoned and she’d throw them on the grill in a minute with the chicken. Corn on the cob was going to go in a pan.

It was a homey dinner and she needed something to do with her hands while she talked about the darkest part of her life.

“Let me get dinner going,” she said. “We can sit outside if you want.”

“Sure,” he said. He went and got a beer. He didn’t normally drink during the week, but she got the feeling he knew he’d need it.

Once the chicken and the potatoes were on, she sat down in one of the chairs of her small patio set. “I had a patient come in last night. She had a broken wrist and a bruise on her face. She said she fell down a few steps. Her X-ray confirmed the way of the break, her landing on her hands to catch herself. Her cheek could have too with her explanation, but I wasn’t buying it.”

“Why?” he asked.

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