Page 47 of Begin Again

“Fuck that,” he said. She wished she didn’t use this as an example. Not when he looked like he was ready to drive to Georgia and throw a punch. “You’d have to starve yourself to be thinner.”

“Thanks, but no. I mean, it wasn’t worth the fighting. I changed my diet and I exercised. There is a difference between being thin and looking frail. I was looking frail and it was hard to hide it in scrubs at work.”

“I’m sorry. I had no idea. You were thin in school, but you were so active. Now, you’re perfect.”

“Because I’m healthy and doing it for me. I’m going to eat what I want when I want. I’m not going to feel bad about it. I had to get strong mentally and physically for a number of reasons.”

“But the scars are still there,” he said. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

He’d have no idea how those words meant more than he thought. “You wanted to know. It’s why I reacted when you said something about curves. It was just a reaction.”

“I could give two shits if you put twenty pounds on or fifty pounds. Beauty has to do with more than what people see. It’s about what is inside too.”

“Thank you for that,” she said. “I always felt that way, but it’s another thing I was wrong about.”

Tanner was good looking. He was sweet and kind and complimentary.

It was all part of breaking her down gently. He was playing the long game to the point she didn’t see it.

That slap opened her eyes enough to say it was the final straw.

She’d already had it in her mind to plan on leaving before then.

“I said before I thought you were skittish. I guess I can understand it more.”

“I am, but not as much as I thought I’d be. You’re wearing me down in a good way. But when I tell you I can do things on my own, I want you to understand it’s not just a pride thing. Or being independent. It’s that I need to prove to myself and everyone else that I can stand on my own two feet. It’s important for me to know I don’t need someone else.”

“That’s sad,” he said. “It hurts me to hear you say that.”

She didn’t want to hurt him, but she needed him to understand that she had to be selfish too. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

“I understand that. I’d never do anything to hurt you. I don’t want to pressure you either, but everyone can use a hand in life too.”

“And I’m accepting of it,” she said. “I know my father has said a few things to you, but he doesn’t even know what I told you.”

“There is more?” he asked.

“Yes. It doesn’t need to be said. My father doesn’t need to know.”

“Does Abby know?” he asked.

“She does,” she said. She decided to start cooking dinner rather than just standing there talking. She didn’t want to get upset, but she felt the lump growing in her throat and didn’t want to cry.

The last thing she wanted to do was bring this into the relationship she had now.

“I’m glad you had someone to talk to then,” he said, moving toward her. He pulled her in for a hug.

She didn’t expect that. She should have. Christian was nothing like Tanner and she was fighting so hard to remind herself of that.

That as much as she was trying not to lose her heart to anyone, she wasn’t winning and had to remember that maybe it was time to just practice what she preached.

Be that strong person that could do anything.

Even falling in love with someone again and learning to depend on them just a touch.

15

Last One Standing

---