Page 62 of Begin Again

“It’s on me for allowing it,” she said.

He stood up and moved to her, pulled her into his arms and held her. “No,” he said. “It’s not on you. You needed help and there was no one there to give it to you. I don’t ever,everwant you to feel like that with me. Or anyone. There is always someone out there to help another person.”

“I know that,” she said, sniffling. “Which is what I did tonight with a patient. And then I realized that if I can tell a stranger some things, then I can tell you. The reason I sometimes jump down your throat is because of what I went through. I say I’m fine. But then I wonder, am I really?”

“It’s been a year,” he said. “I don’t know that you’ll ever forget it completely. Or not have a trigger to it.”

“No,” she said. “I mean I hope that isn’t the case, but I don’t know for sure. So I’m sorry that I’ve had that reaction with you.”

“I wish I knew more. Or before,” he said.

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” she said. “I probably would have still reacted the same with you not taking no for an answer with the help on the house.”

“Probably,” he said, kissing her forehead. “But I wouldn’t have walked out on Sunday and let all these days go without talking to you. I knew you had a bad marriage and had to work things out on your own. I didn’t want to push you. Based on what you were saying to me, you’d been pushed enough.”

This was the part of Christian that hadn’t changed.

He let things go in the moment and would work them out when it was time rather than forcing it.

Part of her should be happy he had that trait and the other not because maybe she needed the push.

“I have been. But you deserve to know why I said what I did. It doesn’t change the fact that I don’t need you to do things for me.”

Maybe she could finally get him to see that she could be fine on her own. She knew it deep down now and if it was not what Christian wanted out of a relationship, it’d be best to know that now.

20

Finding A Way

“Did it ever occur to you that I’m not always doing things for you but for me too?” Christian asked.

He was trying not to lose his shit over what Liz had just said to him.

He’d known there was more going on in her marriage but wasn’t sure he’d expected to hear what he had.

“What are you doing for yourself?” she asked.

She’d moved out of his arms and went to check on dinner.

“I’ve never been someone to just sit around. I have to always be doing something.”

“I know,” she said. “I remember that about you in high school. And I wonder if it’s hard with my job. I’m not around much.”

“It’s not hard,” he said. “You’re sleeping when I’m at work. I’m sleeping when you’re at work. But we see each other when you’re awake during the week a few times. That is about the same as any other normal relationship.”

“I think that,” she said. “But I didn’t know if you did.”

“I do,” he said.

“You are normally spending time flipping a house though when you’re not working. And you aren’t doing that. I wonder if you won’t take on another project because then you’ll be spending time doing that when you could be with me and you worry I’ll be upset over it.”

He had thought that. He wanted to lie but knew that it seemed she’d been lied to enough in her marriage. The fact her husband ended up not being who she thought he was.

“There is part of that there.”

Her hands went to her hips and he thought she was winding up to unleash a storm on him. He reached for her fingers and threaded theirs together. “You’re trying to distract me,” she said.

“Defuse you,” he said. “I said part of it. If I could find a house closer to you and it was the right price, I’d buy it and work on it. I hate living in the apartment. It’s the truth. But the one house that was a good deal was over forty minutes away. I’m not going to spend that much time in the car and take it away from time with you.”

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