Page 38 of Begin Again

“It was in my name and he had no hold on it. I even insured it separate from him.”

Which made leaving so much easier. But the house Tanner had owned before they met, even if she’d given him more than half of her paycheck for household expenses.

Sure, she would have gotten something in the divorce. At least half their savings and she was positive there was over six figures in there, but it’s not like Tanner ever let her see it.

“I know you would have left him,” Abby said. “I believe you when you say that, but I’m glad it was sooner rather than later.”

“Me too,” she said. “Back to Mom. What did she want? She didn’t say?”

“No. Just wanted to talk and asked how I was doing. She asked about you. She didn’t know you were back in the area.”

“She’d know that if she ever reached out.”

“I know,” Abby said. “I feel bad that I don’t take the first step, but I just can’t. You know.”

“It’s a horrible feeling being abandoned,” she said. “I understand that.”

“Because you were older when it happened and experienced more of what Mom did,” Abby said.

“Yes. I know she didn’t have control of it all, but she could have. Dad was supportive and she didn’t want that. She wanted to drink and do drugs to make herself better.”

Her mother had severe bipolar depression. There were ups and downs in her life. When she was up, she was overly happy and smothering in her love. When she was down, she was horrible to be around. She was depressed, mixing sleeping pills with alcohol. Drinking more than she should. Getting her hands on painkillers.

When her father tried to get help for her mother again and again, her mother would spiral downhill until she just up and left one day and didn’t return.

It was months before her father got a call that her mother was in a mental health unit in a neighboring hospital after overdosing.

Supportive home after supportive home had been in Lily’s life. She was good while she was there until she’d check herself out and relapse.

Liz had never talked about this with anyone in school, but she knew many were aware.

Just another thing she was bullied about and made her doubt herself. Her mother didn’t develop this until later in life and she would often wonder if it was possible for her to have the same thing happen.

Like an idiot, she’d told Tanner. It was the man she’d loved and married.She trusted him and shouldn’t have.

He used that against her in his verbal abuse. Telling her she’d be just like her mother or getting her to believe she was showing those signs when she knew she wasn’t.

She should have left the first few times he’d said those things, but he’d apologize and she’d accept it.

Like a fool.

She’d never be a fool again.

“All done,” Abby said.

She stood up and looked in the mirror and almost didn’t recognize herself. “Damn. You do good work.”

“Let’s get makeup on you now,” Abby said.

“Sure,” she said. “We can do that.”

Ten minutes later she was putting on a pair of nude heeled sandals. More like wedges. They were the most comfortable pair of dressy shoes she could find when she’d gone shopping. In her mind it was nice to have at least the one pair and the color would go with a lot.

“You’re going to knock Christian’s socks off when he sees you.”

“That’s the plan,” she said.

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