Page 55 of Walk on the Wilder Side

Marge kept on. “Well, I’m just saying, yeah ... none of us are gonna have first kisses again. But we’ve got a lot of firsts awaiting us.”

“It’s not the same, though.” I sighed. “This is fun and all, but I want the firsts filled with passion and romance. I lived for those moments, and I don’t know how to satiate that need with Alejandro. It’s tearing me apart.”

Sylvie looked over at the new couple dancing together by the flames. “Would you really want to give up everything you have with Alejandro for a lifetime of firsts? What you have together is what most women would kill for.”

Visions of a life without Alejandro spent in endless tryst after tryst invaded my head, and my heart clenched with agony thinking about it. “No. I would never. I love him.”

“Good. Then that’s one hurdle we’re over. You don’t want to end things with Alejandro. So, now we need to figure out some new firsts for you two.”

“All the good firsts are gone,” I sighed.

Sylvie arched an eyebrow. “Oh, come on. I know you’re kinky, but there must be plenty of other firsts you and Alejandro haven’t done.”

I scoffed. “We’ve done alotof firsts.”

“Well, maybe you’ve done a lot of physical firsts, but what about emotional firsts? This is the first time in your life you’ve ever really been intimate with someone ... trulylovedsomeone. Right there means there are a lot of firsts Iknowyou haven’t experienced.”

I tipped my head. “That’s true, actually. He and I have had quite a few firsts with intimacy and romance. I guess I just thought those were all gone too.”

“Gone? Those are just beginning, hon! Those are what keep your relationship strong for years. You have no idea how many firsts are still coming your way.”

My heart lifted a little. “Yeah?”

“Yes,” all three Widows echoed.

“You may love the thrill of the hunt, Alice, and we know you love your firsts ... and being first.” Marge lifted an eyebrow and I chuckled.

“I do love being first.”

She continued. “Well, then you can be proud that all that hunting, all that stalking you did, brought home the biggest prize of all. You took first place. You killed the biggest prey in the world. He’s yours now, so the hunt is over. And that’s agoodthing, not something to be mourned.”

I envisioned the big lion we’d seen earlier in the day, and then Alejandro’s beautiful face entered into my mind. “That’s true. Alejandro is my lion. The strongest, most powerful man I’ve ever met.” Pride that he was mine straightened my spine. “And he’s all mine.”

“See? You need to stop fixating on who you were and start focusing on who you are now. And that is a woman happily married to the love of her life. A man shechose.No one tricked you or trapped you. In fact, if you wanted, you could leave him at any time. You’re not stuck. But you don’t leave him because you love him, and you’re not the same person you were before you met him. You’re not domesticated and stuck, Alice. You’ve ... grown.”

The words hit like a battering ram to the heart.

You’ve grown.

“You’re so right. I’ve outgrown the woman I was before. She was something to behold, but she has nothing on the woman I’ve become since I met him. He’s my king, and I’m his queen. He’s not a cage. He’s the key that unlocked my cage, letting me free of a life constantly worrying about what everyone thinks of me. He accepts and loves me as I am. My God. How did I not see this before?”

I thought about the lioness and the way she snuggled her lion. She didn’t need him to protect her or feed her. She didn’t need him to care for her. Without him, she would survive just fine on her own. She was completely free, and yet she chose him ... just like I had chosen my lion. Suddenly, I felt as free as her. The restraints I’d thought were holding me down disappeared as I imagined a long life with my Alejandro by my side. A man to run free with forever.

“I’ve been so silly,” I said as the deep realization sank into me. “I was holding on so tightly to a woman who wasn’t really happy. I was lonely and sad, and I needed those men to validate me. You’re completely right. I’m not that woman anymore, and I don’t want to be. By marrying Alejandro, I haven’t given up anything. I’ve earned a lifetime of love with a man worthy of me. I haven’t lost anything. I’ve gained everything.”

Tears burned behind my eyes as I looked at the Widows choking up beside me.

“Alice, that’s so beautiful,” Sylvie sniffled. “And so right.”

“I’m so happy you aren’t going to let those old notions ruin what’s right in front of your face anymore,” Doris said, dabbing her eyes. “You have a wonderful man who loves you.”

“I do,” I said softly.

“And he’s lucky to have you,” Marge said.

I smiled at them. “And I’m lucky to have all of you. Thank you for making me talk this through. I should have opened up about my feelings sooner. You’re the best friends a girl could ever have.”

“Aw,” Sylvie crooned, wrapping her arms around my neck. “We love you too.”

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