Page 115 of The Bossy One

Istrolled down to the lake, my hands in my pockets. With no nannying jobs on the horizon, I’d taken to going on walks by the lake every afternoon. I needed the fresh air, exercise, and a reason to actually put on real clothes. It also gave me something to do while I waited for Molly to call me back and tell me whether or not she liked the new ending I’d written for our book.

Now that I’d written it, I honestly couldn’t imagine any other way for our story to end.

But what if I was wrong? Was Molly taking so long to call me back because she was trying to figure out a nice way to tell me my idea was bad?

I pulled out my phone to try to distract myself from my fears. I could call a friend to chat, or play some music, or sit down by the lake and mindlessly scroll through social media…

I blew out a sigh. “No. Breathe. Let yourself feel it all,” I told myself.

Declan’s comment about my running from my painful past had stuck with me. So I was trying, bit by bit, to be fully honest with myself, instead of constantly reaching for a distraction.

The lake came into view. I wandered down to the shoreline. Then I took off my shoes and waded into the water, letting myself name the thing that really scared me.

I’m not worried Molly will suddenly think I’m a bad writer,I thought.I’m nervousbecause that ending puts a part of Declan in our book. And everything involving him feels vulnerable and personal right now.

With the fresh, cold water lapping at my ankles, I breathed in that nervous energy. And then I did my best to set it free. Molly would call when she called. And that was okay.

I’d found my lake walks were a good way to give myself the space to let my mind wander toward things I normally shied away from. Old fights I’d had with my parents that I’d tried to forget because it felt disloyal to think about a stray comment that had hurt my feelings when they were both dead and I’d do anything to have time with them again. Creative writing dreams I’d had in college. Every child I’d ever nannied…and the way I still carried them in my heart, all these years later.

I thought all those big emotions I’d had in Ireland had come from being around Declan. But more and more I realized they’d always been there, hidden under the surface. Falling for Declan had just set them free.

I owed him so much, and that had me feeling guilty about the way we’d ended things. I thought showing him the changes he’d inspired in my book could be a way of thanking him for the changes he’d inspired in me. Even if we couldn’t be together.

I’d been utterly unprepared for his respect.

I respect that you don’t return my feelings.

It had been two days, and I still couldn’t get those words out of my head.

Did he really think he was unloved?

Declan was the most justifiably confident man I knew. He always seemed to know his own worth, from the boardroom to the bedroom, and everywhere in between. In eight years of nannying, he was the only client I’d ever had who’d tempted me to lay down my professionalism and just beme. I’d told him how close I’d come to giving up everything I knew to be with him.

I thought he knew how I felt.

It would have been cruel to us both to say those words in the airport and then get on a plane anyway.

But maybe it was worse to leave him in the dark like this, thinking he was unwanted, unloved. When the truth was, I cared about him too much to stick around and watch him destroy himself.

My phone buzzed. I checked it and immediately answered when I saw it was Molly. “What did you think?”

“You were right,” Molly said. “This book ending is fucking brilliant. I’ll never question your creative instincts again.”

I grinned, relieved. “Would it be easier to finish the book if I came back to Ireland? I could use my airline miles.”

“I mean, obviously I’d love to see you. But we can finish the book online,” Molly said. “It might make more sense to save your miles and use them to come out when the book is published? You know, for book signings and stuff.”

I stared ahead at the lake. That would be over a year from now. The idea of waiting a year to bump into Declan made my eyes sting. The idea of him spending a year thinking his love wasn’t the most precious thing anyone had ever given me felt morally offensive.

“Sure,” I said. “That makes sense.”

Molly made a suspicious sound on the other end of the line. “Why do I get the feeling that you’re fishing for a reason to go see a billionaire who keeps making you cry?”

I blew out a sigh. “I don’t like how we ended things. Also, I didn’t say goodbye to you, or Marie, or Thomas. Everyone was so lovely to me, and I just fled.”

Molly sighed. “Look, my couch is yours any time you want it. I would fuckingloveto work on this book in person with you. I’m just saying, it’s okay to protect your heart. It’s not like Declan Byrne has to save up his airline miles, right? If he wanted to ‘end things on a better note,’ he’d be at your fucking door by now.”

I kicked at the lake water, watching the drops fly up and scatter, forming ripples. “I told him to stop chasing after me. I just don’t know…”

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