Page 4 of Break My Rules

“Study, I guess,” I reply, downcast. “My academic advisor gave me a talking-to last week, said I needed to turn things around if I wasn’t going to lose my fellowship.”

Although, why I’ll stay in Oxford now, I’m not even sure.

“Well, at least you have plenty of time,” Jia says smugly. “No more distractions.”

Like Saint.

“Right.” I nod, numb.

“Why don’t you take first dibs on the shower?” Kris says, giving me a meaningful look. “There should be plenty of hot water.”

“Thanks,” I say, even though it’s clear that wasn’t so much a kind offer as a sign of just how bad I look right now, after two days sobbing without so much as glancing at a mirror.

I don’t know if I’m crying because of Saint’s betrayal, or because I still can’t believe that the man I’m falling for could be capable of such crimes.

“We’re getting drinks at the college bar tonight,” Jia adds. “It’s karaoke. You should come!”

“I don’t know…” I wince.

“You’ll feel better, getting out and about,” she promises. “You shouldn’t waste your time crying over that asshole anyway.”

“Wanker,” Kris agrees. “You’re better off without him.”

“Just forget all about it.” Jia adds. “You know he’s already moved onto the next flavor of the week!”

Kris gives her a look.

“What? Sorry,” she adds to me, insincere. “But we did try to warn you. Those rich bastards are all the same. At least you know who he really is now. Just chalk it up to experience and move on.”

If only it was that easy.

“Thanks,” I give my roommates a brief, insincere smile. “You’re right.”

“Shit, we’ve got to go,” Kris says, grabbing his bag. Jia flashes me another smug grin.

“Take care. And remember that shower!”

The door slams behind them, and I’m left in the apartment.

Alone.

I take a deep breath. I want nothing more than to hide away under the covers again, but what I told them is true: I’m already on shaky ground with my less-than-stellar academic performance. I have no idea what my future holds here in Oxford, or if I even want to stay now, knowing what I do. But I can’t bear another day alone, obsessing over Saint’s betrayal, so I take that shower they were so insistent on, luxuriating under the water until I feel halfway human. It’s a grey, overcast day, so I dress in my coziest sweatpants and college sweater, wrap up warmly, and head out, to the Ashford College library.

“Hi Tessa,” My favorite clerk, Maeve, is on duty, and greets me as I step through the carved wooden doors. The library is converted from an old church, with soaring ceilings, wood beams, and stained-glass windows. “I have those books you ordered,” she adds, collecting them from the packed shelf behind her. “There’s a waiting list a mile long for them, so let me know when you’re done.”

“Thanks,” I say, taking the stack.

“Are you feeling OK?” she asks, frowning, and I realize I should have spent a little more time with the concealer, to hide my red-rimmed eyes.

“Fine!” I lie. “Just allergies. I’ll get these back to you as soon as possible!”

I head upstairs, to my regular study carrel in the far corner, and settle in for the day. When I decided to come to Oxford to hunt down the truth about what happened to Wren, I realized, just showing up as a random tourist wouldn’t get me the answers I needed. I had to come here, to Ashford College, where Wren had taken her research fellowship, and investigate from the inside as a student myself to retrace her steps.

I’ve never been much of an academic. I scraped through my undergrad, and then went to work at arts nonprofits around Philadelphia. I hadn’t cracked a book in years, but I managed to find a scholarship for people from ‘non-traditional’ education backgrounds to study here at Ashford for a year. AKA, people who hadn’t been turning in perfect grades since birth. I managed to fake my way through the application process, and get enough glowing references to win the spot, but now that I’m actually here, trying to keep up with all my lectures and tutorials…

It's a full-time job to stay above water, even at the best of times.

And this definitely isn’t it.

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