Page 31 of Aidan

It was nice to see Da and Nora so happy. He’s never come out and said it, but Cian, Finn, and I are all aware of how much he would love for us to give him grandchildren. Imagine me being the first. I doubt any of them expected that to happen.

Other than at dinner, I haven’t seen her since our argument. Maybe it’s cowardice, but I gave her her space.Because you know what an ass you were. Jesus, how could I have been so stupid to think she wouldn’t have been hurt by my words? My only excuse is fear.

There’s a soft knock on the door. I open it to find her standing there.

“Can I come in?”

I step back to let her pass. The coconut scent of her shampoo follows. I’ve been smelling it off and on all day. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. She stops in the middle of the room and pivots to face me.

“We need to talk,” she states point blank.

“I know. Have a seat.” I gesture to the overstuffed chair at the desk.

Sorcha sinks down into it and swipes her hands down her thighs. She’s looking everywhere but at me. “I’ll go first before I lose my nerve.”

I sit on the corner of the bed facing her. “I’m listening.”

“I’m not sorry I kissed you. If this marriage is going to be real, then it’s going to be real,” she states firmly. “But you need to know that there are going to be messy emotions.”

I wince, because I deserve that.

“Maybe you can separate sex from emotions, but I don’t know that I can. Especially with you.” Sorcha finally meets my eyes. “There’s a chance I could fall in love with you. No, there’s a good chance Iwillfall in love with you. You’re my best friend. You’re the first person I want to talk to when something happens, good or bad. I’ve never wanted to screw that up, so, in my head, I’ve reminded myself that you’re unavailable. Forever. That what we have is better than nothing and I refused to give that up.

“I’m also selfish enough to not share you with another woman, so be warned. If we’re doing this, you have to swear on everything you hold dear you won’t cheat on me. Ever,” Sorcha’s voice hardens. “There are no such thing as mixed signals. You’re either in this for real or you’re not.”

Can I live with that? With the possibility that no matter what I do, I’m probably going to break her heart. “I’m not saying this to hurt you, but you need to know that I can’t promise I’ll fall in love with you.”

She swallows and nods. “I understand that. But, I also want you to do something for me.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t completely rule out the possibility.”

My brow creases. “The possibility for what?”

“Of falling in love with me.”

Her words are a gut punch and instantly have me distancing myself emotionally. Love was never supposed to factor into this. It’s a marriage of convenience. A way for me to protect Sorcha. Nothing more. Loving someone gives them power over you. Makes you weak. Bitter. Hateful. All the things my mother was. And I refuse to become like her.

“Can I have the night to think about it?”

I can tell she’s disappointed, but she tries to hide it. “I’m probably asking for a lot and springing it all on you, so I guess it’s only fair I give you time to decide.”

“Do you want me to sleep somewhere else tonight?”

Sorcha gnaws at the inside of her bottom lip like she always does when she has to make a hard decision. I’ve always thought it was adorable, but this time it’s more meaningful. I’m holding my breath while she decides. She shakes her head.

“No. I’m sure we can both make it through a night in the same bed unscathed.” I could swear there’s a hint of sarcasm in her tone, but I don’t point it out.

“Do you want to watch a movie until we’re ready to go to sleep?” It’s always been our thing when I’ve crashed at her flat. We watch a scary movie she picks out and then she spends the entirety of it shielding her eyes against my chest.

“I think I’m just going to go to bed, if that’s okay? It’s been a long and exhausting day.”

“Understandable.” I concede. “If you want to use the bathroom first to get ready, I’m going to go take care of a couple things for Da.”

“Thanks.” Sorcha gets up and I stand as well.

Because I can’t help myself, I close the distance between us and tug her into my arms. She stiffens for a second, but then relaxes fully against me. The minutes tick by with neither of us releasing the other, until finally she breaks away and closes herself in the bathroom.

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