Page 7 of Aidan

Footsteps pound, vibrating the floor, and then there’s more pounding as one of the boys runs down the stairs. I turn out the light and head into the living area. Aisling is finally finishing her breakfast. I kiss the crown of her head. “Go get your shoes on and grab your school bag.”

She jumps up from the table and runs to her room, nearly crashing into Carson, who strolls in from the hallway with his bag slung over his shoulder. Two sets of footsteps plod up the stairs and seconds later Kellen appears in the open doorway. Right behind him is Aidan, who shouldn’t look this good at just past seven in the morning. Another form-fitting shirt accentuates his broad chest, and the color of it only makes his blue eyes that much brighter. The sun shining in through the window hits his auburn hair, making it glow like fire. My belly flutters as though there’s a swarm of bees inside it. Stupid bees need to settle the fuck down.

“Morning.” Did that sound normal? I hope it sounded normal.

Aidan cocks his head slightly and his forehead crinkles, but then his face clears. “Good morning.”

I glance at Kellen. “Get your things for school, please, and make sure Aisling has hers. We need to be going.”

He dashes down the hallway.

“Let me clean this up quick.” I wash Aisling’s bowl and wipe down the table. By the time I’m finished, Kellen and she appear. “Everyone ready?”

Heads bob, and the five of us trek downstairs and out the front door. With Aidan leaving today, it shouldn’t be this pretty out. Aisling grabs Aidan’s hand and then mine, so she’s walking between us.

“I’m sad you have to leave,” she tells him, glancing up.

You and me, both.

Aidan winks. “I’ll be back again, before you know it.”

“Are you going to come for my birthday?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. When is it again?”

Aisling giggles, because he knows perfectly well when it is. Every year since she turned three, he’s sent her a present. Same with the twins since they turned eight.

“It’s September seventh,” she draws out all three words with a sassy head shake punctuating each one.

“That’s right. How could I forget?” Aidan swings her arm gently. “I’m not sure, but I’ll see what I can do.”

She’ll see him before her birthday, since mine is before hers. Except, we may be out of a home by then. While Aisling chatters to him, I try to quell the panic that is creeping in. Didn’t I just tell Aidan the other night there’s no sense in worrying about things that may or may not happen? I need to take my own words to heart.

Finally, we reach the school. He squats down to give Aisling a hug and he shakes both Kellen and Carson’s hands since they’ve decided they’re too old for hugs. The three of them say goodbye and hurry into the building. Then it’s my turn. I hold on to Aidan a few seconds longer than I normally would. Or maybe he’s the one not letting go.

“Don’t forget you swore,” he whispers in my ear.

I manage to nod. Far too soon, I step back. Tears burn my eyes and my nose is getting stuffy. “You better get going if you want to beat all the traffic.”

He huffs out an amused breath. There is no traffic until he gets closer to Dublin. “I’ll text you later tonight.”

I raise my hand in farewell as Aidan turns toward the bed and breakfast and his car.

The walk back to the pub is depressing, because I’m alone.I’m on the verge of bursting into tears, but that will only make things worse. I’m glad he left, even if I’m going to miss him terribly, because I don’t want him to see me like this. It will only make him that more determined to try and help.

I’d been so tempted to accept his offer last night, but turning it down was the only thing I could do. Like I’d said, what happens when whatever he loans me dries up? I’ll be in the same sinking boat. The small amount he’d be able give me would only be a bandaid over a gaping wound. A drop in the bucket. I love him for it, but it also wouldn’t make enough of a difference. He might as well save his money.

Which still leaves me with trying to figure out what the hell I’m going to do.Don’t think about it right now.

The heavy weight of unwanted familial burdens nearly crushes me as I force myself out of our second floor flat and down the stairs. Another day filled with the guilt of bitter resentment awaits me when I reach the bottom. Even if I wanted to get away from the one place I never pictured myself stuck in, I can’t. Da saw to that.

I step into our family’s pub and the familiar yeast smell surrounds me. It’s a scent I’ve been around since I was Aisling’s age, maybe a couple years younger. I sat at this same bar, on the same stool, with my feet dangling while Da stood behind the counter pouring beer and shooting the shit. The villagers loved him. Visitors, too. Da never met a stranger.

Not once have I ever aspired to follow in his footsteps and run this place. I had other hopes and dreams, but I’d been forced to put them aside when Mum died five years ago. With Da’s death a month ago, there isn’t anything holding me here. I should sell it. Or try to. Except it’s impossible. The pub isn’t just our livelihood, it’s also our home.

It had meant everything to Da. He’d go on and on about how it was his children’s legacy. Kellen’s, Carson’s, Aisling’s, and mine.

I don’t want it. I never have. But with his death, I’m trapped. With a sigh of resignation, I drag all the chairs down off the tables. Once that’s done, I prep the lemons and limes, make sure we have enough napkins, and double check the kitchen inventory one more time, even though our cook Glen always takes care of it. Everything is as ready as it’s going to be for the dinner crowd to roll in so I run upstairs and grab some lunch.

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