Page 57 of Aidan

“They cleaned my leg and bandaged it. They said that if I have any headaches or blurred vision to schedule a visit with my GP.”

With Aisling still clinging to me, I wrap an arm around Sorcha’s waist and pull her against my side. She’s a bit slow to move, limping the step closer to me. “I’m going to take you all home. Da will deal with things here.”

She nods quietly. I reach for her hand and we carefully weave our way through the mess until we reach outside. The road is blocked by the ambulances, the fire brigade, and more Gardaí. My car is parked a few spaces down and luckily escaped any damage. Everyone climbs inside.

On the drive home, no one speaks. The quiet is louder than any voices. Sorcha is turned away from me and stares out the window. I glance in the rearview mirror and Aisling sits between her brothers with her head resting on Kellen’s arm. Carson holds her hand. I’ve never felt pure unadulterated fear like I did today. If I hadn’t been sure I loved Sorcha before, I am after this. I’d be lost if anything ever happened to her.

Needing to reassure myself she’s here with me and safe, I reach over for her hand and thread my fingers through hers. Anytime I do this, she always glances over at me with a smile. But she keeps her head turned so only her profile is visible. I rub my thumb up and down hers in a soothing gesture. I’m sure everything’s been a shock to her. Once she has time to rest she’ll feel better.

I ignore the voice whispering that I’m lying to myself.

CHAPTER28

Sorcha

I can senseAidan’s attention on me. My head pounds and the wound on my leg burns. Fear still flows through my veins. So much so that I am barely managing to keep it together. The pressure bearing down on my chest makes it hard to breathe. All I want to do is grab Kellen, Carson, and Aisling and run as far away from Dublin as I can.

That means running away from Aidan.

An hour ago, I would have scolded myself for such thoughts. Except they won’t stop.

The kids are all quiet and I take a few glances back at them, making sure they’re okay. Jesus, how much therapy are they going to need after this? How much amIgoing to need? I breathe through the panic that is starting to take hold, centering myself.You’re okay. It’s okay.

It takes far too long before we finally drive past the gate and park in front of the manor. Being careful, I get out and open the back door for Kellen and Aisling. Carson gets out on Aidan’s side. The kids are a mess. The boys’ suits are covered in dust as is Aisling’s beautiful dress. I glance down at myself and nearly sob. A crimson misshapen stain covers a section of the skirt.That’s never coming clean. Hysterical laughter threatens to bubble up, but I choke it down because right behind it is a meltdown waiting to be set free.

Aidan reaches for my hand, but I brush past him with Aisling. I just can’t. If he touches me, I might shatter. He catches up with us and opens the door. For the second time, I stride past him and head straight upstairs to the boys’ rooms.

“Where are you going?” Aidan’s voice stops me, and I pause on the second step, forcing myself to glance back at him. There’s confusion and worry written across his face, but I harden my heart against it.

“We were all just in the middle of a building exploding around us and a gun battle,” my voice rises in pitch and I take a deep breath to calm down. “I’m taking my brothers to their rooms to make sure they’re okay and that they’re taken care of. They also need to get cleaned up. As does Aisling. Unlike you, we aren’t used to being almost killed.”

Aidan flinches, but I’m not a single bit guilty. I turn and climb the rest of the steps still holding Aisling’s hand. Footsteps follow behind me after only a brief hesitation. All four of us enter Kellen’s room and I close the door behind us, effectively shutting Aidan out. Kellen and Carson sit on the edge of the bed with their hands in their laps and I carefully sit in the chair, pulling Aisling on my lap, taking care to avoid my leg wound. She leans against me and rests her head on my shoulder.

I’d love nothing more than to crawl into bed and drag the blankets over my head, but for better or for worse, I’m their parent and their needs come before mine.

“Are you all okay?” I ask for probably the hundredth time.

The twins nod. Aisling does as well.

Kellen fidgets. “Areyouokay?”

Not even close. “I will be.”

“Who were those guys?” Kellen asks. Carson sits still and quiet at his side.

“I don’t know.”

There’s a long pause and then Kellen speaks up again. “Are you mad at Aidan?”

My immediate reaction is to lie, but we’ve all been lied to enough. “Yes.”

“Why?” Carson finally asks.

“Because he put you three in danger. What if any of you had been hurt today? I’d be devastated if I lost one of you.” The tears I hadn’t managed to shed yet spill down my cheeks. “You’re my baby brothers and my baby sister. I love you all so much.”

Kellen and Carson rise from the bed and come over to wrap their arms around Aisling and me. The four of us sit together for several minutes holding each other. Finally, the boys let loose of me. I nudge Aisling and she scoots off me and I slowly stand, gritting my teeth at the pain.

“If you’re both all right for now, why don’t you get cleaned up. Take a shower and put on some clean clothes. Then how about later you come down to the common room and the four of us will watch a movie if you’re feeling up to it.”

---