Page 62 of When in Rome

Chapter 29

Noah

“We need to talk,” says Amelia, turning abruptly to corner me by the door as soon as we walk into the house. This isn’t a good, sexy sort of cornering. There’s a heaviness in her eyes and she’s worrying her bottom lip. I extend my hands to rub the sides of her arms, but she shakes her head sharply.

“No, don’t do that,” she says, and the look in her eyes makes me drop my arms by my sides.

I start to panic. Did I do something wrong? Was that kiss in the lake too much? Maybe she wasn’t ready for it and I misread all the signs.

Amelia breathes in deeply and lets it out in one slow exhale. “Noah…”

“I’m sorry,” I blurt, unable to stomach the thought of having pushed her too far or upset her. “I was thoughtless at the lake and I should have explicitly asked what you were comfortable with, and—”

She laughs, cutting off my apology. Her eyes are sparkling with humor, and maybe a drop of sadness. “You think I’m upset about the kiss? Noah, I’m upset because…I like you.” She smilestentatively. “And I shouldn’t have let you kiss me, because for me, it wasn’t just physical. I have…well, I’ve developed very real feelings for you even though you told me notto.”

Now it’s my turn to expel a heavy breath. I run my hand through my hair and resist the urge to lean back against the door for support.Damn.This is bad. We definitely shouldn’t have kissed. It was okay when it was just a physical urge, but knowing she has feelings for me changes everything.

It’s a problem because I also have feelings for her. Big ones. Inconvenient ones, and I don’t want to do anything about them. Two people can’t live under the same roof for weeks knowing they both have the same feelings and not inadvertently propel their relationship forward. And that’s why I don’t admit to her that I’m crazy about her. That I can barely sleep at night because I lie awake tormented with the thought that she’s sleeping across the hall from me. That I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel the way she does.

“Ameli—”

Her hand races up to press against my mouth. “No. Don’t say anything! You were very clear in the beginning with your intentions, and I don’t expect a single thing from you. Nothing will change. We’re friends, and it’s going to stay that way.” She drops her hand when she feels content that I’m not going to try to interrupt her. “I’m only telling you now because I need for us to set up some rules from here on out so I’m not tempted for us to cross the line again.”

“Rules,” I say, not liking the way that word sounds coming out of my mouth. “Like what?” I ask while going into the kitchen for a beer, because something tells me I’m going to needit.

Amelia follows me and sits on the barstool under the island while I pull two beers from the fridge. She accepts hers and takes a long drink before setting it down firmly on the counter, wincingwhen she adds a little too much force to it and nearly cracks the bottle.

She gives me a cute, apologetic smile before making her face solemn again. “Well, for starters, no more kissing. But that one’s obvious.”

Obvious or not, I hate it.I want to kiss her all day every day until I eventually die from lack of oxygen.

“Okay, go on.” I set my beer on the counter and cross my arms.

She watches my movements, wearing a private grin, and then lightly clears her throat. “I also think it would be better if we just didn’t touch at all. Ever.”

The extra addition of thateverfeels like an unnecessary punch after a boxing match that’s already over. Never touch Amelia again after knowing what it’s like to have her in my arms? Knowing what it’s like to feel her satisfied sigh against my lips? Torture. It’ll be nothing short of it, but I know she’s right. This has to happen.

“No touching, got it. Is there a minimal distance I should keep from you? I could stop by the hardware store and buy us both a tape measure to carry around.”

Amelia’s eyes narrow playfully. “Let’s say four feet to be safe. And last, I think we should not hang out alone anymore.”

I suck in a sharp breath with that one because it somehow hurts more than the others. I want to fight it, but it wouldn’t be fair of me to push back against her rules when she’s trying so hard to respect mine.

Raising my beer to my lips, I take a long pull of it to put off having to respond. Her blue eyes watch me intently like she’s on the edge of her seat for my answer.

I finally set down my beer and brace myself. “I thought I could make it work with Merritt even though I could see our differences from the moment I met her.” This was obviously not the sort of response she anticipated. Amelia’s eyes widen a little in shock, andher brows lift. I feel that familiar thundering in my chest that always precedes spilling an emotional part of me, but I need her to know.

“Our worlds were completely opposite from the start, but I chose to ignore it, and that’s what eventually led to the end of our relationship. She was a city dweller who thrived on stress and the hustle and bustle of New York; and I liked being here with my family, having quiet game nights on Saturdays and knowing the name of every person I pass on the sidewalk. When I proposed to Merritt after her visit here, she accepted, but made it clear that she could not live here, and I’d have to go with her to New York.”

I think back to those months in the big city and how much I hated brushing shoulders with strangers in every corner of it. It was so populated. And busy. Everyone had a purpose at all times. I couldn’t understand for the life of me how city life energized Merritt. How she loved the subway and hailing a ride everywhere we went. The longer I was there, the more I hated it. Also, the job at the bank didn’t help. I missed the soft edges of my town—even if the people here do drive me nuts.

“You really don’t have to explain anything to me, Noah.”

“Thank you, but I want you to know why I’m so hesitant to start something between us…if you want to know?”

She nods. “Ido.”

So I continue. “I really thought our feelings could make up for all the differences between Merritt and me. But it wasn’t enough. Turns out, we had both fallen in love with the idea of each other, rather than who we really were.” I look down just to get a break from Amelia’s focus and tap the counter with my knuckle. “I still spent a miserable year there, rarely seeing her because of her job, and then fighting most of the time when we were together. And then when I needed to come back here for my grandma…well, that’s when it all imploded and I was able to really see that Merritt and I were never meant to be. Oil and water.” I look at Ameliaagain and shake my head. “I gave so much of myself striving to make it work with her, and I just can’t do that again. Not even sure I’m at a place in my life where Icoulddo that if I wantedto.”

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