Page 75 of The Comeback Tour

“Thanks for being a good friend, Gemma.”

Gemma entertains me for a while, but eventually she has to go and put Stella down for her nap. Once I’m alone again, I take out a piece of paper and begin to write. Putting ink to paper helps me process my feelings about Jax and grieve for the career change that stopped before it barely began. I release the disappointment I have with myself for falling into a slump over this breakup. But at the same time, I find grace and try to be gentle on myself. This crushed me. And I don’t know how I am going to bounce back just yet, but I know I eventually will. Experience has shown me that as tough as things may seem at the time, I’m strong and will prevail. I will never give up my faith to find love.

I wish I had a glimpse into the future or something to guide me. Maybe my horoscope predicted this. I can read the monthly post for my sign from my favorite astrologer. Or better yet, I can consult a psychic.

That’s what I’m going to do—search online for spiritual healers. My soul needs serious care right now. I find someone simply named Ms. A, who has a lot of five-star reviews. Her website notes that she is available for video chats. I pick up the phone and call Ms. A.

“Hello, Ms. A,” the voice on the other end greets me.

“Hi there. I was wondering if you can do a reading.”

“I’m available right now. Would you like a tarot reading?”

“Yes, please. Do I need to go on video chat?”

“I can work over the phone if you prefer.”

Perfect. The less she sees or knows about me, the better. “This works for me.” I give her my credit card info and pray this won’t cost me a ton of money.

“I’m just going to shuffle the deck. While I do so, think about the question on your mind. If you were in person, I’d have you cut the cards. But since this is a virtual reading, I’ll be channeling your energy.”

My mind focuses on the way I felt when I was with Jax. I think about how foolish it was to fall for him. And of course, how much I miss and love him.

“I see a lot of change going on in your life. There’s been upheaval and you’re upset. The card I just pulled is showing me deceit from a man who was once close in your life.”

“Yes, that is right on.” Wow, she’s good. She already picked up Jax. He was once close to me and was hiding something from me.

“I’m also seeing that you’re heartbroken, but you left the relationship.”

I don’t want to reveal too much information. I think Jax caused his own heartbreak through irresponsible actions. “I did leave the relationship, but his actions were to blame.”

“The cards are telling me a man has more to say to you. I also see a move.”

I wonder if she sees me going to Antarctica. It’s probably the only place where I can escape hearing the name Jax Slater for the immediate future. I’m over this reading. I’m not moving anywhere now that Jax and I are broken up. I’ll be living in my hometown for the foreseeable future. She obviously read my cards wrong. Why do I amuse myself with these scam artists? I decide to end the session before I spend hundreds of dollars that would be better allotted on professional therapy. Jax might have more to say to me, but that doesn’t mean I have to listen.

Trash the Dress Online Chat

Cailin:There’s a new dog in my life and this one is the good kind.

Alexandra:You’re a mommy!

41

CAILIN MCCALL GETS A SPECIAL DELIVERY

CAILIN

Usually,when a package arrives at my door, I get a surge of excitement. The joy of holding the box, peeling back the tape, and opening it to see the long-awaited contents gets me every time. This, however, is not one of those times. I know what’s in the boxes outside my door: the bags I left on the plane. Those boxes are my last connection to Jax. As soon as I open those packages, we’ll be done. I will have to face life where I’m not his girlfriend or his publicist. We will no longer have pieces of each other.

Eventually, I open my door and drag in the boxes. I choose to open a small, flat package first because I know that one holds my laptop. I set the box on the table, pull out my computer, and lift open the lid, as if I’m going to actually check my email or start job hunting. Before I can hit the power button, an envelope with my name on it slides across the keyboard. I’d know this handwriting anywhere. Jax always writes in capital letters.

He wrote me a letter. I thought I blocked off all forms of communication with him, but Jax is indeed clever. He told me he doesn’t stop until he gets what he wants and that clearly still stands. I hold the letter in my hands and contemplate. I want to read it, but at the same time I need to protect my heart. If I don’t read it, it’ll be easier to move forward (yeah, right). But if I do read it, it’s only going to resurface everything I’m trying to push aside.

Since my legs are literally wobbling, I sit down and carefully slide my fingers under the fold of the envelope. I slowly split apart the envelope at the seam and then stop midway. Jax wants me to read this so he can feel better about breaking my heart. It’s probably a proper apology to send me off so he can start fresh with his baby mama. Do I really need to go through that? I don’t owe him anything. I should just put the letter down, or better yet, throw it out. But curiosity gets the best of me. I rip open the sealed half of the envelope and pull out a sheet of lined paper that’s been torn out of Jax’s songwriting book. My hands continue to shake while I open the folded letter.

Dear Cailin,

I’m resorting to writing you a letter and hope you find and read this. I’d like to think that you’ve come to know me completely in just a short amount of time, but the recent events have made you doubt me. I’m begging you to dig deep and draw on how you felt about me before this happened. How you feel when it’s just me and you. When the outside world doesn’t matter. How safe you felt in my arms after the bus accident.

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