Page 4 of The Comeback Tour

“I am. I’ve never written my own songs before. We’ve always had award-winning songwriters for 5 Leo Hearts. Between the songwriters and professional musicians backing us, the guys and I carried the vocal harmonies and choreography. We’re entertainers, for sure. But am I an artist? Sometimes I can’t help but feel like an imposter because I didn’t write the songs or play an instrument.”

“But you’re doing that now.”

“I have to prove to myself that I can do it on my own, Lily. The problem is, my A&R team at the label—the department that determines which song is a hit and will be a single—hasn’t chosen a song they want to release first. I’m worried that means there isn’t a hit.”

“You’re fearing that you’re a failure before you even start, Jax. Don’t do that.”

“The one thing I am counting on to help get me through this is my publicity team. It’s the same team I’ve worked with for years with 5 Leo Hearts. They’ll know how to handle any negative press that comes my way and position me in the best light.”

“You’re hoping they can clean up your reputation as the bad boy and convince people to take you seriously, aren’t you?”

“If they can do that, then maybe—just maybe—I’ll feel less anxious about going out in public.”

Going back out on the road will be a big deal for me, and my therapist is encouraging me to push myself out of this cocoon. My mom actually started me in therapy when I was young. She wanted me to have an outlet to discuss fame and keep me grounded. At least that’s what she told me.

I think she also had another motive: to process feelings around being abandoned as a toddler by my father, who left one day with no explanation. I stuck with the therapy because it just became a part of my routine, and it does actually help to have someone you can tell anything to without judgment. Especially when the world studies your life through a magnifying glass.

“I know it’s going to be hard at first, but once you get back out there, Jax, you might even meet a nice woman. The right woman.”

That would be nice, but I just don’t know where to start. Pop stars really can’t go on dating apps. Heck, even if I tried, everyone would think I’m a fake. Do celebrities get verification checkmarks on swipe-right apps? I’m not interested in anyone near my inner circle. Been there and tried that. Anyone else my industry friends would hook me up with would probably be a celebrity. If there’s one thing I know I don’t want in a future partner, it’s someone who is in the public eye. For this new phase of my life, I just want to meet a normal girl.

How does someone who was once named one of the most attractive men alive get the girl next door? I’ve yet to figure that out.

Trash the Dress Online Chat

Cora:I don’t want to keep hijackingCailin’s thread. So, I’ll post my update here. I did it!!! I left!! I slept in my car for a few nights, but I drove and now I’m a few states away. He should be served with divorce papers any day now.

Alexandra:I am so proud of you! I know how long you’ve been trying to leave. Sending you big virtual hugs. WE ARE HERE FOR YOU. YOU GOT THIS.

Rachel:YES, GIRL!! Remember to change the password on all your mutual bank accounts. Do you have enough money to get by? Let us know how we can help. Please don’t sleep in your car. We can chip in and get you a hotel for a little while.

Harper:I was so worried about you. Glad you are safe. Now you can heal!

CAILIN MCCALL SAYS BYE, BYE…AND BUYS NEW HOME

CAILIN

There’snothing left in my condo, yet I can’t seem to find my keys. The movers just loaded up my furniture and are on their way to Jersey. I stand in the middle of the living room, trying to focus on where I misplaced my keychain, but get lost in my thoughts.

When Collin and I first moved in, we were so excited to order new furniture. It was like we made it. We were married, had our own place, and were financially stable enough to purchase new couches. No more hand-me-downs. The first night we were officially moved in, we cuddled on the couch to watch a movie. We microwaved a bag of kettle corn a little too long, and despite the burned smell, sifted through the charcoal pieces in the bag to find the perfectly popped kernels. Whenever Collin found one, he took it and ate it. Part of me wished just once, he would take that perfect piece, trace his fingers over my lips, and feed it to me. A little sexy gesture here and there would have meant the world to me, but Collin didn’t put in extra effort.

Collin was too practical for surprise romantic gestures. He was physically next to me, but often I wondered if his mind was off brainstorming a new project, or thinking about emails. That first night on our couch, I made him pose for a selfie with me and I uploaded it to my social pages with the caption, “First movie night in our newlywed home!” I added a ton of hearts and #homeiswheretheheartis. Maybe I was a little extra showy in order to make myself believe it was the truth.

Now, I’ve been sitting alone on that couch, but I’m somehow happier. I was ready to embark on this new chapter of my life the day Collin told me he didn’t want to be married to me anymore.

“I think you’re holding me back from being successful,” Collin said.

“By holding you back, do you mean covering the mortgage and all our bills while you invest our money in developing apps that continue to fail?” I asked.

“We can’t all become Vice Presidents of companies overnight, Cailin. Sometimes it takes people a few years to find success.”

Always an optimist, my tragic trait might be ignoring warning signs. I did with Collin, and now, I’ve just done it with my job. I should have seen it coming.

“Who is this guy moving into the spare office?” I asked my boss. I felt the eyes of my colleagues on my back when I walked into his office and closed the door.

“Take a seat, Cailin,” my boss said.

“I’ll stand.”

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