Page 60 of Lexi Lets Go

Lexi- Why?

Lexi- What's going on?

Lexi- Poppy, you're kind of freaking me out.

The absence of her response told her all she needed to know. Poppy was on her way, but why? There could only be one reason, and she was fairly certain she knew what it was.

She pulled up google and once again typed in Liam James. She scrolled down, most of the major hits were the same, but then she saw something new. A headline that hadn’t been there before. She clicked on the story and there was a picture of him leaning against the wall holding her to him as he kissed her after the concert. That headline. Fuck. She knew this was part of it, but right now that wasn’t much of a comfort.

Sitting down on her bed, her heart started to race and breathing increased. She never had a panic attack before, but she’d seen Josh have them, and this was definitely how they looked. Closing her eyes, she took some deep breaths and then counted down her senses: five things she could see, four things she could feel, three things she could hear, two things she could smell, and one thing she could taste. That was something one of the therapists she had taken Josh to had taught them. It helped to ground her in her body.

The sound of her front door flying open didn't even startle her.

"Lexi, where are you?" Poppy called.

"I'm upstairs.”

Before she knew it Poppy was standing at her bedroom door with a concerned look on her face. "You didn't wait to check it out before I came over, did you?"

Lexi shook her head. She was still processing.

"You know that article is bullshit, right?"

Lexi bit her lip and nodded. She did know the article was bullshit. She knew what existed between her and Liam was real and not some weird fetish. She didn't care what strangers said about her body, that was their problem. The part that scared her that it was also Liam's problem. This was exactly why he had not wanted to start anything serious with her. He didn't want a scandal, but here it was anyway.

"Are you okay?" Poppy asked, concern coloring her voice.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I mean the internet is a trash place, especially if you're fat. I get it, it sucks, but it is what it is."

Poppy nodded and waited for her to continue. And while Lexi had hoped to leave it at that, Poppy wasn't really one to let things go. But this was one of those moments, like the moment at the waterfall with Liam where she chose to be brave. She could keep it all in and push people away, or she could let people in. And Poppy was family. It was time Lexi started letting go of the past and breaking down the walls she built around herself.

So, she took a deep breath and continued, "Clearly there is something going on with me and Liam. I'm not one hundred percent sure what that is, we have only known each other for two weeks, but it feels pretty fucking special." Pausing to take a breath, she was surprised at the shakiness, but she pushed back her tears and continued. "At first he told me it was just the weekend because he couldn't have another scandal." She took another shaky breath as a tear rolled down her cheek. "We thought we were careful, but here we are. Now I'm scared he is going to change his mind."

That was it. Saying it out loud wrecked her. She crumbled on her bed, her head in her hands unable to hold back the tears. Poppy was right there, pulling Lexi into a hug. She held her close as Lexi cried on her shoulder. Trusting people to see her pain wasn't easy, but she knew she could trust Poppy. And as scary as that was, it did feel good to have someone there with her.

She brushed her hair as Lexi cried. "Shhh, It's okay. I could see what was going on between you guys. It's something special. I'm sure he won’t change his mind. Have you talked to him today?"

Lexi lifted her head and wiped her eyes. "No, he said he was going to be busy today in meetings, so I probably wouldn’t talk to him until tonight." Glancing over at her clock, it was almost eight and she still hadn't heard anything. That wasn’t like him.

"I'm sure he’ll call. Are you okay though? I don't know how much of the article you read, but I know what it's like existing in this world in a fat body and how shitty people can be."

"Yeah, I learned to have a tough skin about that a long time ago. People’s opinions of me are their problem. I don't like what those people said about me but fuck them. I just worry about Liam..." She stopped there, feeling the tears coming again.

Poppy reached out and put her hand on her knee. "Okay, if that's the case you’re going to call Liam right now and check in with him. I'm sure he's just as pissed as you are, but I'm also certain he is not changing his mind. Why don't you call him? Where is your phone?" She asked with her eyes scanning the room. "What's going on? Why is your entire wardrobe scattered on the floor?"

Lexi surveyed the room and chuckled to herself. Her previous dilemma of nothing to wear now seemed silly. "I’m going to Liam's concert tomorrow, but I have nothing to wear. My two best outfits I wore on our first date and the first concert I saw. I had just decided to re-wear the first outfit, but now if there is going to be scrutiny maybe I shouldn't... maybe I shouldn't even go."

"Nope! You’re going. And don't worry, between me and Hannah, I'm sure we can get you something amazing to wear." Poppy picked up her phone and started texting.

"You don't have to do that."

Poppy put her phone down and looked at Lexi. Just looked at her.

"I'm serious. I'm sure what I have will be fine."

"Lexi. I will find you something amazing to wear. Of course, wear those boots, those are some killer 'fuck me' boots, but don't worry about this. Having friends with similar body types isn't a perk fat people often get, so just enjoy it. Now you call Liam, and I'm sure he’ll tell you everything is fine."

Unearthing her phone from the piles on her bed, Poppy tossed it to Lexi. "I'll be over first thing with an outfit for the concert." She pulled her into a hug

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