Page 42 of Lexi Lets Go

He looked at her mouth slack, eyes wide. "Charity case? Where the fuck did you get that idea?"

"I just don't want you doing these things for me because you feel bad for me."

"I want to bring you because the thought of you being far away from me physically hurts me. I still can't promise much and maybe this is a bad idea, but I don't know if I care right now. Come with me, I can get us into my building without being seen. You can come to my concert Monday, and we can have one last night together. I want you with me because I am selfish and I want you, not because you’re some fucking charity case. So, lose that thought right now."

"You're serious?"

"Yeah, I’ll have a car come and pick us up right now and take us into the city."

"I have to work on Monday," she said.

"I have a feeling you have some vacation days stored up."

And she did. She never took time off. Maybe she could do this. She knew Nancy could handle things.

"Okay," she said quietly.

"Yes?" he asked, joy dancing behind his eyes.

"Yes, let's do it."

"Yes!" He said as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Then kept kissing her. He laid back and pulled her on top of him. She sat up straddling him, all the sudden very aware that she was still naked under this robe, and he was only wearing boxers. Desire shot straight through her as she rocked on his already stiffening cock. Looking up at her he cocked his eyebrow and pulled at the belt of her robe. "I like where your mind is, gorgeous," he growled, taking her breast into his hand and she arched under his touch. He pulled her down for a kiss and somehow managed to wiggle down his boxers and slip on a condom. Then she rode him until they both climaxed and lay next to each other panting.

"Okay, here's what we are going to do. First, we are going to take full advantage of that shower, then you are going to go home and pack. I’m going to clean up here and call a car. Then I’ll come and get you and whisk you away for two nights in the city."

"That sounds amazing."

"Good," he said, dropping a quick kiss on her mouth. "Now let's get in that shower."

Chapter17

Lexi

Lexi was relieved she managed to make it to her car without being seen. She made her way home still floating in the clouds. How was this her life? This is only for the weekend, she told herself over and over. The hope of more simmered beneath the surface when she was with him, but when she stepped away, she could turn the heat off.

She unlocked her door and went inside. Something about it felt normal, which made the absurdity of the last couple days come into contrast to her normal life, which was full of frozen dinners and repeat episodes of New Girl.

It was a life that she didn't hate, but was it fulfilling? That was a dangerous question to ask. She had given up so much to take care of Josh. College, relationships, all of that. Josh came first. She didn’t regret that, and she didn't resent him for it. He didn't ask for a tragic accident to take his mother and alcohol to slowly take his father any more than she had, but he was younger. He had needed her to be strong. He had needed her to hold it all together so he wouldn't get put in the system. So that's what she had done. She had pushed it all down. She had done the work and lived her life for the two of them.

Now Josh was married and happy. And while Lexi was so happy for him, she didn’t know how to search for her own joy. She didn't know how to sit still long enough to find out what she truly wanted. She worried if she sat still and listened to herself, the ghosts of her past she had never dealt with would pop up and leave her playing whack-a-mole with her trauma. Abandonment and fear and grief all lived just under the surface, threatening to pull her down if she ever stopped for too long. So, she had kept moving, kept working, kept on living a life on autopilot. It didn't leave much room for joy, but she survived, and truth be told she was pretty proud of that. But was being proud of her strength enough for her? After these two days she was beginning to doubt that, but those were thoughts for another day.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Maybe going to New York with him would only make it harder to get back to her real life. Maybe this was all a big mistake.

Her phone beeped in her purse and pulled her out of her thoughts. It was a text from Liam, along with four missed texts.

Liam- ETA 40 minutes, don't back out now. No rethinking things while I'm away. I’ll be there to get you and take you to the city whether you like it or not *winking face emoji*

How could he read her mind even when they weren’t together?

Opening all her texts, she saw one from work, she would deal with that one when she called Nancy about being out Monday. The rest were, of course, from Josh and Poppy

Josh - So what's up with you and this rock star guy?

Josh - He seems ok, but I just wanted to check in with you.

Of course, he did, because Josh looked out for her just as much as she looked out for him these days.

Poppy - OMG LIAM JAMES! You have to tell me everything ASAP!

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