Page 65 of Spotlight on Poppy

"I'm fine." He refrained from direct eye contact and grabbed one of the boxes from the dining room and headed back downstairs. She looked over at Hannah who had been watching their interaction and gave her a weak smile.

"So, the rest of this will probably have to go in the back of my car," she said looking at the last of the boxes in the living room. "We made pretty good time, all things considered."

Josh and Graham finished the last couple trips while Hannah and Poppy checked the rooms and took out the trash. Hannah dropped her spare key on the dining room table and turned to look at her apartment.

"Well, the subletter is moving in next Monday and I am officially closing the New York chapter in my life," she said as she looked around the apartment. Graham stood beside her with his arm around her shoulder. Poppy looked over at Josh who was watching her, he gave a weak smile that didn't reach his eyes. He looked rough. Even though Poppy was still a little shaken up by the event in the hallway, her heart broke seeing him like this.

They all headed outside as Hannah locked up behind them. Hannah and Graham were driving back in Hannah's car and Josh was driving the truck back with Poppy. She was hoping she would be able to talk to him a little during the drive. They'd had such an amazing night, and now things felt all screwed up again.

The ride out of the city was quiet as they navigated all the traffic. Once they were out onto more open road Poppy was ready for some answers and hopefully Josh was ready to talk.

"Can we talk about what happened?" she asked tentatively.

"Of course," Josh said, giving her a weary smile.

"I just need you to know, he totally caught me off guard with that kiss. It meant absolutely nothing."

"I know that." He put his hand on her leg and gave a warm smile.

"Okay. Are you hurt?"

"No, I've been sucker punched before. I'll live. But more importantly, are you hurt? I'm pretty sure I elbowed you when he hit me." He shot her a quick glance with eyes full of concern.

"My back hurts a little where the railing dug into it, but I'm fine," she said.

Poppy laced her fingers with the hand that was sitting on her leg.

"I've never seen you like that before. Honestly it was a little scary. What happened?" She asked.

He looked over at her, the expression on his face was so dejected. Poppy fought the visceral urge to comfort him and make it better. She needed to hear what happened.

"I'm so sorry I scared you. When I turned the corner and saw you kissing him my heart stopped. It made me think of Abbie all over again. But then when I saw you hit him and realized he was touching you and kissing you without your consent, I lost it. It's no excuse for my behavior. I was just so angry.” He took a long deep breath. “Then Graham stopped it and I looked to see you on the floor with this terrified look on your face. The rage turned to shame, and I just needed some space."

"I get it,” and she did, but she was not someone who could handle that. “But next time something like this happens please don't just walk away from me. I will give you space when you need it, but don't just disappear," she said.

He nodded and kept his eyes on the road. They sat quietly for a while.

Josh looked over at her and gave her hand a squeeze.

"I think you should probably know something about me that took me years of therapy to know about myself.” Josh said with his eyes on the road. “I clearly have some abandonment issues from the way I grew up. I learned how to survive at a young age by being useful and friendly. Processing negative emotions like that can spin me out of control sometimes. I’m working on it, but the fear of losing you hit really close to a lot of triggers and then instincts just took over. It's not an excuse, but it is an explanation and that's all I got right now."

"It's okay, I understand. Can I ask you one more question?" Poppy asked.

"Anything."

"What did he mean when he said hit him again? When did you hit him the first time?"

Josh bit his lip and looked down. He glanced over at her and back at the road.

"You registered that part, huh?"

"Yeah, I did. Care to expand on that?" She asked, waiting for his answer.

"I don't really want to get into the details, but let's just say I ran into him at the inn on opening night. I overheard him say some really nasty things I won’t repeat and there are sometimes jerks like Damien St. fucking Cloud just need to be punched in the face. You may disagree, my therapist will probably disagree, but I don't regret it and I would rather not talk about that,” he said firmly.

"Is that why your knuckles were bruised opening night?"

He nodded.

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