Page 17 of The Rent Just Went Up

“Stop pretending you don’t like it,” I chuckle, increasing the pressure with which I hold her.

“Oh, okay, Mr. Sexual Predator.”

“A second ago, I was Mr. Abandonment,” I say. “Now I’m Mr. Sexual Predator? Which is it? I thought you wanted my hands on you?”

Instantly, Erika stops squirming. “You’re right, Daddy. Take me. Take menow.”

She looks up at me with the most confrontational eyes I have ever seen.It would be the worst sex you’ve had in your life, fucker. That’s what she’s saying to me. And I have no doubt it would be too, despite the fact that she’s still the most gorgeous woman to ever walk the earth. She would find some way to get in my head, to make me feel like I was ruining things for her—whatever it would be would take me so out of the experience that I simply would not be able to enjoy myself. It would be a catastrophe.

“Fine,” I reply, releasing her. I take the tablet and hold it out. “The place is yours.”

Smirking, as though she just defeated me in the world’s greatest battle of wills, Erika scrolls to the bottom of the lease and extends her finger to sign. “On one condition,” I add.

She pauses, and her eyes snap up to mine.

“Oh? And what’s that?”

“I’m changing the rent,” I say with a Machiavellian smile that causes her shoulders to drop and her face to begin to turn to stone.

“Malcom,” she says slowly. “I can’t afford any more…I can barely afford this as it is–”

“I’m lowering it,” I reply. “In fact, I’mremovingthe rent completely.”

“Oh, fuck off–” Erika’s no dummy. She sees where this is headed.

“If–”

“Get fucked, Malcom.”

“If you have sex with me every single night.” I grin, grabbing the bulge already forming in my pants. “And two mornings a week.”

10

Erika

What isChris doing right now? Right at this moment?I wonder. It’s been a month since he and I broke up, and I doubt he’s still with Jamie (at least in a serious fashion anyway), so I wonder what he’s doing. It’s not like he’s hurting for prospects. Does he feel sorry about what he did to me? Does he think about me at all, or is he just a sociopathic dickhead who still feels defeated about the fact that he wasn’t the first one to put his dick inside me?

Because apparently, that’s all men care about—getting their dicks inside women. I really thought Malcom was more than that after we hooked up, but I guess not. Him not calling me back was step one of proving that, but this little stunt now of offering me free rent to fuck him on a regular basis is step two.

“You really area piece of shit, aren’t you?” I ask, feeling my heart start to break. I lift up the tablet, ready to hurl it at him. I honestly couldn’t care less at this point. All I’m thinking about now is my aim and whether or not I can shatter his skull with a frisbee-like throw. “You know I really thought you were a decent human being–”

I pull my arm back, envisioning this virginity-stealing, heart-crushing, soul-poisoning prick’s head bursting open like a watermelon when you wrap it up with too many rubber bands—but just before I can, Malcom raises both hands in something resembling surrender.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait, Erika! I was joking! It was a joke, okay!?” He actually looks sincere, so I hold back. “Christ, I never thought I’d have to say this, butokay, I’ll actually charge you the full rent price.”

He smiles, and I can tell by the way his lips curl that he was actually joking. Slowly—very slowly—I lower the tablet and take a deep breath.

“You should really stop renting properties and go into stand-up comedy, Malcom. You could dethrone everybody.”

Malcom grins. “You think so?”

“No.” I show him the signature area at the bottom of the lease. “So this is where I sign?”

He nods. “Yes.”

I write my name quickly before he can pull any more bullshit on me. “Just don’t expect daily sex, okay? Oranysex, for that matter.”

“You took the words right out of my mouth,” he says as I hand him the tablet.

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