Page 65 of Cursed to Be Mine
That thought pushes me out of his arms, and I rock to my feet as I rub a hand across my face.
He stands, his eyes on me in concern. It’s a look I’ve never seen before – not rushing me so he can carry on about his day, not judging me for ‘being emotional,’ just full of worryfor me.
I wish today was yesterday – when Khalid could have confessed to a girl hopelessly crushing on him, who was halfway in love with him after months of watching him from her window. From my bed I could see directly into his gym and often touched myself while he worked up a sweat. That me would have died to hear him call mekira. A dream come true. A fantasy made real. Even when I started talking to Daniel, I imagined him as Khalid.
But present me? New me whose world is completely wrenched inside out?
When I look at him, all I want to do is cry. Even in death, Ma robs me of happiness.
That bittersweet thought shoves a choked laugh out of my lips.
Even in death… Even in death… Even in death…
“I hate you! I wish you were dead!”Those were my last words to her. She died thinking I hated her. And maybe I did. Maybe I still do. But right now, I just want her alive and frustrating me to the point I never want to speak to her again.
I shake my head as I struggle to breathe through my clogged nose and throat. Khalid moves towards me, but I jerk back, and he instantly stills.
I can’t fall into the comfort of his arms.
Can’t hide from the painful truth anymore in a bubble of Khalid.
Can’t...can’t stay here while my ma lies on a slab in a police station needing me to identify her so she can finally be laid to rest.
Pushing my palms into my eyes, I scream.
“Tell me what you need,kira,” Khalid says, his voice cracked and raw, as if my pain really is his.
I shake my head harder and scream again. It breaks off into broken sobs. I crumble in on myself, images of Ma being ripped apart by wolves like Nicole and Detective Henry were just hours ago filling my skull. I start to drop to my knees, my legs no longer strong enough to hold me.I’mno longer strong enough…
Khalid’s arms come around me, and he grunts as he catches my full weight. He takes a small step back before locking his legs and holding me upright. “I’ve got you,” he murmurs against my hair. “I’ll deal with the police. Just –”
I fling my head side to side as I struggle to push out the words. “No...I want...Ineed…to...see her.”
To say goodbye.Ma...
Khalid’s hands rub my back as he tenses beneath me. A second later, his lips press into my hair. “Okay. I’ll drive you. Where are your keys?”
I point to my bag on the bed. He shifts me in his arms, still holding me, but he must be struggling beneath my weight. I shuffle back, giving him space – giving me some too. I take a deep breath.
As it releases on a shaky sob, Khalid quickly grabs my bag, then comes back to me. I raise a hand to my mouth and bite down. Needed pain slices through me, the bruise from banging on the shower wall earlierblistering under my teeth. I release my hand, and the pain recedes, under my control. The agony inside does not.
Khalid’s fingers thread through my other hand and pull me towards the bed. “Sit down,” he says. “I’ll get Xander to bring your car to the door.”
The mattress sinks beneath me, and it takes everything I have not to lie down, curl up on it, and go to sleep.
Sleeping won’t bring my ma back.
It won’t make werewolves mere fiction again.
Won’t remove the memory of Ma pointing her gun at me.
That image jerks inside me, barricading my throat, not letting another sob break free. It dams my eyes, and I sit like stone, staring at my feet. She would have killed me. Left my body in the woods for the wolves to eat.
Yet here I am, crying over her, wishing she was alive.
Why? So she can degrade me some more? Make me eat moretrash?
My stomach churns as the smell of ketchup, the stain that was on the bag of cookies, burns my nose. My fists clench on my lap as anger overtakes the pain.
