Page 91 of Madness Behind the Mask
“I’ll never want you.”
“Never is a long time to live.”I twirl my finger around a strand of her hair.“Ineverthought I’dfind someone like you. Antonioneverthought he’d join us in this madness. Cadenneverthoughthis perfect, pure wife would get so turned on by violence.”
Inipherearlobe, andshetries to shovemeaway,but her arms tremble too muchwith the truth of that last accusation.
“You’re delusional,”shesays,herwords just as shaky as the rest ofher.
“Crazy?”I lift my head to look her in the eye.“Maybe. Butdelusional?”My grin widens. “No. No, that would meanI have no chance.”I tug on her hair. “And I most definitely have a chance, don’t I, Sau?”
She opens her mouth to say something –yes, probably– but I yankhardon her strand, ripping it out of her scalp. Blood pools on her head as she clenches her teeth to stop her scream.
“An exchange of trophies,” I say, lifting her hair to my mouth and running it across my lips. Then I pivot down the street as the sun begins to rise, whistling a jolly tune.
Today is going to be a good day.
I can feel it.
Thirty-Two
HER
15AUGUST1947
Trembling, Igrab the flaps of my torn dress and try as best as I can to cover my breasts as he leaves me alone on the street. No one is out here at this hour, but Istill feel like I’m being watched. Judged.
My throat tightening, my knuckles turn white as the full force of my self-disgust hits me. My lips wobble as tears burn my eyes. I came for the first time with another man – withhim.And not once but twice, the second time having been under my own actions.
How can I ever face my loving husband?
I want to sit down and cry, not caring that Iam aShadowandwe don’t cry.I don’t deserve my last name. I should just wait here until Antonio finds me again and let him rip me to pieces.
My tongue feels heavy in my mouth, and I run it over my teeth.
“Promise me, Sau. Promise me you’ll let me show you the world.”Caden’s voice rumbles in my skull, making me equal measures happy and ashamed.
“He loves me,” I whisper.
He loves me even though Antonio stole my virginity.
Even though I failed as a mother.
Even though I hate myself now.
“He loves me…” I lookin the direction ofhome – not the house buthim, my vision blurring.
“He loves me.”
I shuffle forward, my knuckles white, putting my trust in him to take care of me. “He loves me.”
The words become a mantra, guiding my feet forward, giving me the strength to keep going, running away from the darkness sharp on my heels. He is the light in this hel, and I stumble on trembling legs towards him.
“He loves me.
“He loves me…
“He loves me…”
Someone calls my name as soon as I reach sight of our street, but I don’t turn towards them. It’s not the voice I want. “She’s back!”
