Page 123 of Madness Behind the Mask
He should be on bedrest, but he’s as stubborn as he is lethally curious. I wouldn’t be surprised if he discovers a way to come back as a ghost or a zombie – two creatures that don’t even exist.
“When are you leaving?” I ask.
He glances at his watch. “Six minutes ago.”
“Caden!”
He shrugs. “I’m not going away for four days without spending the morningofwith my wife.”
I scoot closer to him. He transfers his cup to his otherhand, then wraps that arm around my shoulders.
“So what are your plans today?” he asks.
“Once Delilah is up, I’ll see if shewants to makesome combat potions. The stash is running low.” Ever since she learned she was pregnant, she’s been sleeping over at ours whenever Jonathan is out at night. He turns twenty-two in twelve days and will take over as Boss then.He’sbeen outstrengthening connections andhas beentaking over more and more ofhisdad’sresponsibilities. The transition is going smoothly, and we are both so proud of him.
“Sounds good.Do you –”Ablack car pulls onto the drive and Myers steps out.Caden sighs and finishes the rest of his coffee.“Sorry, Sau, butIhave to go.”
Heplaces his cup down on the glass table beside him,stands, then leans down to kiss me. He tastes of coffee with less sugar than mine. My chest squeezes at the thought of not lying next to him tonight.
“I love you,” I say.
“I love you too.”
He gets into the passenger seat as Myers settles back in the car, and I watch them drive away.
I fiddle with the ring on my hand, thinking about the thing that has been on my mind for the past few days. I love Caden, but he isn’t my lifemate – the other half of my soul that the gods ripped apart at the start of creation and flung into the Seven Planes for me to find.
Everyone has one, and Caden’s is out there somewhere too. So maybe what I’m thinking is foolish. Maybe he’ll turn me down and break my heart as he does, holding out hope that in a later life, he finds the one he’s supposed to be with.
But maybe…
Maybe he feels the same as me and wants us to be tied to each other through our souls as well as through our hands.Maybe he wants to spend literal forever with me, finding me through our connection every time weare reborn.
As witches, we’ve the ability tocreate our own version of a lifemate through a blood bond,which combines blood and sex magic in order to bind our souls together across every timeline. But it comeswitha high cost – you have to let your partner doa sexual actthat will destroy you.
The djini that gifted witches with this ability had a cruel sense of humor. Or perhaps they were just cruel. But that is what happens when you try to barter with one who cares for you as little as the gods do.Weare nothing but toys to play with.
I spin the ring round and round myfinger, chewing on my lip. I know what sacrifice Caden must make, and I know the sacrifice that would be demanded of me.
Caden would have to watch me come...withAleric.Heunderstands rape. He understands anatomy. He has been the rock anchoring me when my self doubt wants to tear me away, telling me I’m a horrible person for coming on his fingers. But there’s a darkness toCaden’sthoughts, a twisted voice that tells him I am drawn more toAlericthan to him. I can see itin his eyes, feel it in his soul. He’d be jealous watching me with anyone, but he wouldn’t be broken. He wouldn’t be the level of devastated that the binding requires him to be.
And I...I would have to let Cadenrapeme. Not like in thesceneswedo, where I have a safe word to call out if he goes too far.He’d have to push me past that, force me until I’m begging for him to stop, until I’m terrified of him and what he’ll do next. Until I fear he might kill me. I’d have to turn my sweet loving husband into a monster.
My ring goes round and round.
I want to be able to find Caden in the next life and all the lifetimes after, but…I don’t know if we could survive the ritual. If I could see him in the same light after. If he could seeme.
And that is the djini’s true entertainment: a binding of soulsthatgrow to hate each other.
My heart plummets into my stomach.Idon’teverwant him to hateme.I just want –
“Mrs. Shadow?”
Istartat the creak of the door as Delilah comes out.Maybe it’s the negative thoughts already swirling around inside me. Maybe it’s the hard clench nausea already has on my stomach.Maybe it’swhyI’m thinking about blood bonding at all – how there’s a fear building inside me that these last twelve years are about to explode, and I might lose Caden forever.
Whatever the reason, I am absolutely terrified when I turn to face my daughter-in-law.
That terror only amplifies at the sight of her pale face.She’s still in her nightgown. It’s not unusual for her to not get dressed when Jonathan is still out. She is a foreseer,catching glimpses of past and present and future at the whims of the gods. Sometimes we can change the course of things she sees, sometimes not, but the weight of one’s sight is crushing. Very few foreseers live long lives, driven to depressive suicide. And none of them manage to stay sanefor long.
