Page 56 of Emma & Edmund

"I know that look in your eye, Emma," Jonathan pointed in her face, finally finding his cigarette case and pulling one out, clenching it between his teeth. "The thrill of wrongdoing, the sober dawn.”

Emma's blood ran cold, finding too much truth in his examination.

For the first time in her life, Emma was terrified of her sibling. Without allowing him, he had just looked right through her, seeing her for what she was anyway. Seeing her secrets, her fears.

Seeing Edmund.

In the next moment though, comfort filled her. He was right, just as a broken clock strikes true twice a day. Who would know better of her plight than he? He owed her plenty of favors, she could destroy him just as easily as he could destroy her. He couldunderstand.

And perhaps, once he did, he could accept Edmund as she did. And his step into society could come one inch closer.

"You know...," she started slowly, "I do have a bit of a-"

"Emma!"

For the second time that early afternoon, Emma's bedroom door hit the far wall, denting the wallpaper. Margaret burst through, closely followed by Grace popping over Margaret's shoulder with wide, curious eyes.

"Jonathan, leave."

"I was here first, Ingham. Where were you when my darling, dear sister needed you not ten minutes ago? Face first in the pillow she was, I had half a mind she died! But no, you were being wooed by some boy."

"Shut up, Jonathan."

She had hardly let him finish before the words fell from Margaret, earning a giggle from the girl behind her.

"If only those ravenous admirers could see you now." Jonathan shook his head but put out his cigarette on the window ledge before standing, straightening his coat, and, with a huff of his own, pushed past the girls crowding the doorway. "Emma, find me later if you're still-"

The final part of his sentence would never be known, silenced by the slamming door in his face.

"Are you feeling better?"

"You were gone all night!"

"Hush, Grace, she was probably with the doctor."Again, Emma heard the unsaid word at the end of Margaret's sentence.

"You've missed so much," Grace continued, eyes wide, bursting with untold amounts of gossip. "What do you last remember?"

"She's only been out for a night!" Margaret swatted her friend's arm.

"That's a lifetime during the Season." Grace’s eyes were wet with worry.

Perching on the edge of the bed, Margaret fixed Emma with a hard stare. It wasn't quite a glare, lacking any anger, but intense and unwavering. To escape that gaze, Emma wanted nothing more than to turn the hard eyes soft and friendly once again. As easy as it would be to throw the covers over her head, Emma held steady.

"You have been so deathly ill that I haven't seen you in nearly two whole days, despite sharing this bed," Margaret continued, "Now, I'll ask again. Are you feeling better?"

"I am. Much better." Emma didn't hesitate to answer, sitting up fully, relishing in the way Margaret's face immediately brightened. Distantly, the sounds of others enjoying the warm early summer day sent longing through Emma.

She was ready to join them.

It was time to carve out a new, fresh story. One all her own.

She had done all she could to help Edmund and had gone to exceptional lengths in her mind. In doing so she had neglected her own goals.

"Well, if you insist you're all right." Margaret nearly leaped out the bed. "I'll fetch Mrs. Heidi. It is time you made your return."

It seemed like barely a moment had passed before her maid filled the space the girls left behind, having scurried out of the room the second after Margaret spoke. Emma couldn't blame them, not when they were as invested as she in the outcome of the party.

As the first rung of her corset lacing was drawn tight against her ribs, Emma knew she had lied to herself. They, by attendance alone, were far more invested than she.

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