Page 17 of We Finished Here

Nothing more.

I will myself to stop thinking about it and to stop obsessing, wondering how she looks, and what the fuck I’m going to do when I see her.

It doesn’t actually matter. It’s over. Fucking finito long ago. She probably never even thinks of me anyway.

I have my usual routine before the game when I’m home, and it involves clearing my head with as much quiet as possible. I sometimes drive to a quiet place where I can relax.

There are times I sit at the bend in the lake and I think about when all things felt possible, but I don’t do that too often anymore.

It’s not that things feel impossible now, I just have a lot more on my plate. I had freedom back then when I used to come here, but now my schedule is wound up so tight and I have to constantly watch the clock.

I usually get to the stadium hours before the game, when no one else is around. I do some laps on the ice when everything is quiet, and it gets me into the headspace before the stadium starts filling up and the noise erupts from the crowd.

There’s nothing like skating out onto the ice when your fans are screaming your name and cheering for the team. It’s like nothing else I’ve ever experienced.

But before all that starts, there’s something about this quiet time with no one around where I can be truly at peace in my own head. I think I’m the only person that even does this anymore.

I can be Taylor. Not Taylor James #22 starting forward extraordinaire.

I don’t mind being both. But sometimes I just need this time for myself.

The cold hits me in the face as I glide out onto the ice, and it’s a rush that I not only need, but crave. I do twenty-two laps around, because after all, that’s my lucky number, and I can’t break my own habits on home turf.

Nothing can touch me when I free glide. I was born to do this. The stillness envelopes me, almost making me believe I have nothing but this moment.

Nothing can penetrate this force field that I’ve spent years perfecting.

Nothing can unnerve me.

And that’s the way it will remain, no matter what happens tonight.

CHAPTER5

Emmerson

We didn’t even get through the main course before Cindy was waving the tickets in our faces for the game on Friday night.

Urgh… I had a feeling this was coming.

“I totally understand, Em, if you feel uncomfortable,” Cindy says, tucking a long, dark strand of her poker straight hair behind her ear.

It’s shaky ground thinking about going to a game where I know for a fact Taylor will be there. I haven’t seen him play in years.

At first, I thought they were being crazy and the whole idea was outlandish… but a glass and a half of sweet, pink, sparkling wine, has me thinking maybe I should go with them. Yes, a glass and a half is about all it took.

“Now why in the heck would I feel uncomfortable?” I ask, shaking my head as if the very notion was absurd.

Maddison is giving me a strange look.

“Umm... because it’s Taylor James and you haven’t been there to see the crowd go wild chanting his name,” Susie says.

“That and he’s the love of her life,” Maddie adds.

“It’s ancient history.” I sigh. “I don’t know how many times I have to say it. We made our choices long ago… that’s all that needs to be said.”

Mads looks at me again.

Truth is, I made the choice for us, and we all know it.

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