Page 11 of We Finished Here

“How do you feel about going to a game?” Mom asks me gently. “You haven’t seen him play in years.”

“I’m thinking about it.” I shrug. I try to act like it’s no big deal, but it’s a huge freaking deal.

That’s all I can say about it. I haven’t made up my mind either way.

Whilst I may be on home turf now, and he’s breathing the same city air as me, that doesn’t mean I need to stir things up by going to a game.

But a part of me wonders… I don’t want to admit it to myself, or anyone else, but I secretly want to watch him play. Maybe a part of me just wants to see him.

I want to see what he looks like now. Not that a quick Google search couldn’t show me that, but over the years I’ve stayed off his social media and haven’t had the courage to look him up lately.

I can’t take the risk for my heart’s sake. I hope he’s forgiven me… hell, I don’t even think I’ve forgiven myself. I wanted him to thrive without having me tagging along for the ride.

We will never know if the outcome would have been different.

My heart both swells and aches at the same time. Two different emotions in one.

Pull yourself together, Emmerson. You haven’t even seen him yet.

A part of me wants to know that I can do it. That I can look into those piercing blue eyes and be okay with what and where we are now. Maybe a part of me needs his forgiveness for leaving him. An even bigger part of me wants to explain.

Yes, we talked after we split. And it was difficult for months because he wanted to work things out... and so did I. I just never admitted it to him. That part was worse than I could have ever imagined; wanting him so bad, but being able to do nothing about it.

I cried myself to sleep for months, and I knew he couldn’t have been doing much better than I was. We were young and in love, and it was real. I know it was.

When I shower and change into my pajamas, I make myself and Maddison some herbal tea and hang in her doorway while she unpacks like she’s staying a month instead of a few days.

“Do you think you’ll be able to stay the week?” I ask her, leaning against the doorjamb.

“I should be able to extend it out a few days,” she says. “Tess will be fine.”

I sigh, taking a sip of my peppermint tea. “It feels so weird being back home,” I tell her.

She stops unpacking and turns to look at me. “I’m sorry for blurting out about Taylor like that over dinner… I think all the excitement being away got to my head.”

“It’s okay, it’s not a crime to say his name.”

“I saw the way you bristled. It can’t be easy for you, Em.”

I shake my head and smile ruefully. “Luckily, I’ve had a few years to be okay with it.”

“You’re tough, Em. I don’t know if I could have survived something like that.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?” I shrug.

“Something like that.” She looks at me earnestly. “And that part about his Mom wanting to see you?”

“Oh God, I know, kill me now.”

“She’s gonna be kinda hard to avoid being right next door, with her knowing you’re in town.”

I shake my head. “I guess it has to happen at some point. I can’t avoid her for the rest of my life.”

“Pity,” Maddie says, folding her arms over her chest. She is a little, feisty, ball of fire where my welfare is concerned. She’s still pissed about how his mom cornered me that day all those years ago. I’m sure Maddie would have it out with her if she could. “And you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Em, okay?” She looks at me with a firm nod. “We can just go out with us girls for drinks and dinner.”

“It’s okay,” I say, suddenly feeling brave. “I want to see a game while I’m in town.”

I need to see him.

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