Page 36 of Here You Are

Re-runs ofVictoria Wood: As Seen on TVnattered in the background, and when the time came, they were in two minds about leaving the house for the frosty walk to the carol service. Full of pastry and warmed through with brandy, they jogged across the main road arm-in-arm, said a cheerful Merry Christmas to someone on the door, and crossed the threshold of the imposing brick building.

Apart from as a tourist, Elda hadn’t been to church for years, but she and Jack still knew the words by heart from school. It was like muscle memory springing back as they opened their mouths and responded in the gaps that Father John left for the congregation.

Elda scanned the room. It was a modern building by church standards. Its rows of wooden pews were packed. There was a functional ugliness about the whole place, but in the flickering glow of candlelight, it was charming. A giant crucifix was suspended above them. Elda was impressed. Rigging like that wasn’t cheap.

Coming to church reminded her of home and family. It stirred memories deep inside of being with her grandmother. It was joyful to remember being so cared for, and she began to regret staying away from home for so long. It also made her think of what could have been if her family had stayed intact. If her father had been with them, would her mum have become so unhappy?

As the chords of the organ started up and voices lifted to the tune, tears filled her eyes. She could feel those who had loved her and their loss. She grieved the future that she feared she might never have. Jack took her hand. There was silence between them, but she knew he felt her pain. He carefully wrapped his scarf around both of their wrists, and with a single body part cocooned in warmth, softness, and the touch of her best friend, she felt better already.

***

Elda lifted her hot tea and blew ripples across the scorching surface, while scanning the paper for job listings. She doodled at the edges of the adverts, creating shapes that might become future paintings. It was a dead time for job hunting, and she was dipping further into her overdraft. She’d never been flush with cash. Her mum had raised her with nothing to spare. As part-time artist and full-time office worker, she’d scraped by. But now, she was living off prayers and generosity.

“Anything?” Jack asked as he came in the front door.

“Not really.”

He bumped through the hallway balancing a twenty-four pack of beer and two bottles of white wine.

“I’d do anything just to get my foot in the door.”

“Well, I’ve got just the thing to take your mind off it all. It’s office party time. We’ve decked out the boardroom and a few of us are chipping in for pizzas. There’s some of the old crowd there and neighbours too. Get your glad rags on, girl. It’s a cheap night out.”

“I don’t know. I’ve had enough of being paraded around parties feeling like a spare part.”

“Hey, I’m no Francis.” He put his hands on his hips and arched his eyebrow before he smiled gently. “There’s no pressure here, my love, other than to be yourself, drink some wine, and relax.”

Jack bounced with excitement, and she raised her eyebrows, matching his grin. She couldn’t resist him. Within twenty minutes, she’d tried on every outfit combination from her suitcase and was red-faced from the effort. Finally, in a half-arsed attempt to look snowy, she pulled on a white jumper over a pair of jeans. “How’s this?” She ventured onto the landing, and Jack looked up to her with a fondness that made her feel loved.

“Casual, wintry chic. Perfect. Just don’t drop pizza on that top; it’ll be a bugger to clean.”

She descended the stairs and Jack draped her winter coat around her shoulders.

“You’re a true gentleman.” She laughed over her shoulder, already feeling more relaxed about seeing new people.

At the bus stop around the corner, Elda dug into her pocket and produced a dry old lipstick. Peering into the plastic glazing, she tried to apply it.

Jack rubbed her cheek. “You look the part.”

She was glad to be back and grateful to be welcomed home by her best friend. But there was an emptiness growing, and she was terrified of not knowing what to do next. She’d upended life to work with Francis and then bolted back to where there was virtually nothing left of her old self. Now she had to pull herself and her life back together. Jack was right; she needed to call Charlie. She was the reason she’d come home, after all. The thought of explaining herself made her feel sick. Elda didn’t know where to start, but she knew one thing: Charlie had been the cause of every sleepless night she’d had since leaving for Paris.

Chapter Seventeen

Charlie loosened her grip on Joshua’s shoulder and the fizz bubbled through her. She grabbed another glass from a passing tray and tried to focus on the suit in front of her.

“And then, we struck gold,” the man said.

Charlie shrugged and turned to face the crowded room. She squinted, turning glittering dresses into disco balls, and ran her hand through her hair.How can I get out of this?

“All right, miss?” Joshua asked as he guided her away from the corporate lawyers she’d been stuck with. “There’s an after-party upstairs if you want to escape. Someone Nia knows in the offices.”

“Will there be booze?”

“I expect so. Pizza and beers, or something like that.”

“Yes. A million times, yes. If I have to listen to another old white man talking about money, I’m going to be sick.”

Joshua chuckled and grabbed their coats from the cloakroom.

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