“Because those two months with Kate were worth all this pain. It didn’t work out, but it was worth it anyway. Now imagine what it’s gonna feel like when it does work out. Because love does, sometimes. If it’s worth the pain, then it’s worth trying again until you find the person it works with.”
I wasn’t sure if that made me feel better or not. “What if I only want it to work with her?”
Josh shrugged. “Then try again with Kate. Hell, man. You already know you can survive the pain of her leaving you. So why not?”
Sure, easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one feeling torn up into little pieces.
I had survived losing Kate once.
But I wasn’t sure I could survive losing her twice.
Chapter 26
Kate
What I wanted to do was get good and drunk. Maybe follow that up with singing sad love songs at the top of my lungs. Yell at the moon about the goddamn unfairness of it all. But I was a mom and the town sweetheart and everyone’s favorite widow, so I couldn’t do any of that. Instead, I went into robot mode, slapping on lipstick and pasting a smile on my face as though my heart weren’t irretrievably broken.
I had been looking forward to spending Halloween alone, a bowl of candy on the porch to avoid face-to-face interaction with trick-or-treaters, sobbing into a bowl of roasted vegetables. Because when your whole job revolved around sugar, veggies felt like the ultimate indulgence of self-care.
Alas, Jessica had insisted that we continue the tradition of joining our friends at Holiday House for Emma’s annual Halloween gathering. The last thing I wanted was to make Jessica worry about my romantic life, so I stuck a witch’s pointed hat on my head and off we went.
Suzie and Sam were already there with their costumed brood, along with Eli and Luke and Suzie’s neighbor, Nora.
“Finally!” Suzie hugged me hello. “Where’s Max?” She pulled back, getting a good look at my face, and her forehead furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong!” I forced a smile, cursing myself for not sending a group text instead of waiting to tell them in person. “We broke up, that’s all. He’s not coming.”
The room went silent.
And then, “He dumped you?” Luke’s words came out as a growl, and he looked just a little bit dangerous.
“No, he didn’t,” Jessica said. “Mom dumped him.”
I turned to my daughter. I had told Jessica straightaway, not wanting to cause any awkwardness at school, but I hadn’t given any details. Some relationships don’t work out, I had said and left it at that. “How do you know that?”
Jessica rolled her eyes. “It’s obvious. I see him at school, Mom. He looks…homeless. Scraggly. Like one of those mutts that wins ‘ugliest dog of the year.’” She sighed. “We thought about toilet-papering his house tonight, but honestly, my heart’s not in it. It would be like kicking a wounded puppy.”
Eli covered his ears. “I’m not hearing this.”
Jessica snorted. “Calm down, cop. It’s not like toilet-papering someone’s house is a crime.”
“Actually, it is.”
“Really?” Jessica’s eyes lit up. “Hmm.”
I stared at my daughter. “I don’t like your sudden enthusiasm for breaking the law. It does not bode well for me.”
Jessica laughed, patting me on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, Mom. Seriously, I think he’s suffered enough. His house is safe…for tonight anyway.”
The doorbell rang, and Jessica bounded forward. “That’s my friends. My phone is on and fully charged. I’ll be back in two hours. Bye, Mom.” She opened the door to girlish shrieks and disappeared into the night.
Luke and Eli exchanged a look.
“Maybe we should check in,” Luke said. “Make sure he’s okay. Scare off any teens with toilet paper.”
“Unless you don’t want us to?” Eli asked. “We’re on your side.”
“Even if you’re wrong,” Luke added, making me narrow my eyes.