Page 72 of Don't Call Me Sweetheart

I eyeballed him doubtfully. “Are you? Because from where I’m sitting, you could have tried a little harder. You could have said something to keep me from making a mistake. Like, hey, Max, maybe don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

I wasn’t fooled by the casual-sounding question. I knew I was being set up. Josh wasn’t dumb. But right then, I was too raw and angry to care.

“Don’t fall in love with the woman you’re practice dating. Or maybe, don’t keep practice dating the woman you’re falling in love with.” I scrubbed a hand over my face, barely registering the scratchy stubble that had grown unchecked over the last three days. Patricia had given me a disapproving harumph at school today at my unkempt appearance and canceled my afternoon meeting with a parent.

Which would never have happened if Josh had done his fucking job.

“I’ve never been in love before, but you have. You knew it was like this. You should have told me I was making a mistake.” I jabbed a finger at the screen, wishing we were having this session in person so I could flick him on the forehead. Hard. “You could have stopped me, but you didn’t. And that’s on you.”

“Max.” For once, Josh didn’t look like he was holding back a joke. “You didn’t make a mistake. You fell in love.”

“Same thing,” I groused.

“Is it?” Josh studied me speculatively. “I guess you’ve always thought so.”

“Well, I was right. You know her dad warned me off? Told me I was bad for her image as the revered Widow of Hart’s Ridge. He’s a deciding vote on whether my contract at Piedmont gets renewed, and he doesn’t want me dating his daughter. And you know what? I didn’t even care. I still don’t care.”

I sat back. The corner of the laptop screen where my face reflected back at me looked just as bewildered as I felt. “If she called me right now and asked me to show up at her dead husband’s commemoration, I would do it, no matter what her dad said. I would ruin my life for her.”

“Yeah.” Josh spread his hands, almost apologetically. “That’s love.”

I glared. “Well, it sucks. It’s stupid. And it hurts. I spent my whole life avoiding this, and you know what? I was right.”

“There it is.”

“What?” I didn’t know why Josh looked like he expected applause, because I sure wasn’t going to give it to him. “There what is?”

“The point. You ran right into it.”

I furrowed my brow. “You want to explain that?”

“Absolutely, I do. So glad you asked.” Josh settled back in his chair and propped his legs up on the desk, crossing them at the ankle. “This is your worst fear come true. It’s happening. Right now. The thing you tried to save yourself from. You never allowed yourself to care this much about anyone. Not foster parents, not friends, not lovers. You held them all at a distance. Until Kate.”

“Thanks, Josh, but I’m fully aware I made a mistake,” I ground out. “I don’t need you to spell it out for me.”

“Do you really think Kate was a mistake?” Josh fixed his eyes on me. “Don’t answer yet. Think it through first. Would you take it all back to prevent this moment from happening right now?”

Of course I would. Because this fucking sucked. I felt scraped raw. If I could go back to September and erase these past two months—the kisses, the smiles, the laughs—

The way she smelled sweet like candy—

Her eyes glinting before she smacked my hand in a card game—

Her absolute refusal to let me dodge any kind of intimate moment—

Honey—

“No.” My voice cracked on the word, an echo of the crack in my heart. “No, I wouldn’t take it back.”

“Really?” Josh was alert now. “You’ve lived your entire life on the belief that nothing is worse than being rejected by someone you love. It was something to be avoided at all costs. But with Kate, you didn’t avoid it. You ran straight at it. And you’re telling me you wouldn’t change that? It was worth it?”

I shook my head slowly, feeling as though I were waking up from a dream. “It was worth it. She was worth it.”

“Congratulations, man. Your lizard brain really had you by the balls there for a while, making you think you couldn’t survive heartbreak.” Josh smiled wryly. “But look at you now, right in the throes of it all. Surviving.”

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “Yay for me. It still feels like shit. So, what’s the point?”

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