Page 61 of Make Me Love You

“Actually, maybe it would be better if I take you home.”

“Take me home? Now? I thought I was staying with you the whole day. I think you were right. I didn’t have any idea what it’s like as a police officer, and a mayor should know more than that. At least have some understanding of what it’s all about.”

“Yeah. But I think you get it now. And I know you have a lot to do. I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

“Right,” she said uncertainly. “Well. Take me home, then, I guess.”

He knew he was being a jerk, but he couldn’t stop himself. Suddenly he couldn’t get away from her fast enough. He needed some time alone, to think. Or not think. He would really rather not think right now, actually.

He turned the radio on and was relieved to hear Maren Morris belting out “My Church.” A good song. A safe song. No star-crossed lovers here.

“You can listen to the radio while on duty?” Emma asked, sounding surprised.

“Sure. Police calls come through on their own speakers.”

“Oh.”

He hoped that would be the end of conversation, but he turned up the radio volume a little to make that clear. She didn’t take the hint.

“Hey, did you ever find out what happened to your mom?”

He shot her an incredulous look. “You’re really going to toss my mom into it with no warning? Jesus, Emma.”

“Sorry. I’ve been wondering about it, but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I figured this was as good a time as any.”

She was wrong about that. It wasn’t as good a time as any, though he couldn’t put his finger on why that was, exactly. He felt out of sorts. Anxious. Like he could use a long run to nowhere in particular, so long as it was far away from Emma. The last thing he wanted to do was talk about his damn mother.

But he wasn’t going to say any of that. He wasn’t going make this a bigger deal than it was, because God knew Emma was going to make a big deal about it if he let her.

“Yeah. I found her. A couple years ago, I looked her up. I had her social security number, and she hadn’t changed her name or anything, so it was easy. She hadn’t changed her first name, I mean. She’s out in California. Married. Two kids. Well, not kids anymore. The oldest is twenty-one. The younger one is nineteen.”

“Twenty-one...” Her voice trailed off as she puzzled through the math. “That means she was pregnant when she left.”

“Sure was. At least three months pregnant, unless he was a preemie.”

It hadn’t been hard to find their birthdates. Her social media accounts were shockingly open for a woman who had abandoned her family two decades ago. She sure didn’t seem like a woman harboring a guilty conscience. But maybe she didn’t feel guilt for those she left behind. Maybe she only felt relief.

He had thought about that final moment with his mom incessantly in the months after his discovery, reliving it over and over again in his mind. She had kissed his cheek, nearly lifted him off his feet in a hug, said I love you. He hadn’t known then that “I love you” really meant “goodbye forever,” and if her belly had protruded ever-so-slightly more than normal, he hadn’t noticed that, either. But maybe he should have. Maybe there had always been signs that she intended to leave, and he had been blind to all of them.

It had gotten bad enough that he had sought therapy in Asheville. That had helped, somewhat. He had stopped blaming himself. He had always known, on a logical level, that a seven-year-old boy wasn’t responsible for his parents’ bad choices, but knowing something and feeling the truth of it was two different things. The therapist helped him feel it.

But that didn’t change the fact that she had left him behind. He wasn’t worth keeping, not to her. And if your own damn mother didn’t think you were worth keeping, who the hell would?

“Did you talk to her?” Emma asked.

“There wasn’t anything I needed to say. I found the records, flew out to California to be sure it was really her. I saw her. She got her mail, a neighbor said hello. It was definitely her. So then I spent a day at the beach, went to the zoo, and came home.”

“You went to the zoo?”

“Sure. The San Diego Zoo. I heard it was worth checking out. The sea lions were pretty cool.”

“I...okay.” She seemed flabbergasted by this. “You made this trip by yourself?”

“I am an adult, Emma.”

“I know that. I just meant...” She bit her lip. “I wish I had been there with you. For you.”

“This was six years ago. You wouldn’t have come with me. It doesn’t matter. I handled it fine on my own.”

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