Page 59 of A Dream of Stars and Curses

‘Oh, Esta, I’m sorry. Is that where you were?’

I want to resist the urge to nod again, but the familiar motion feels safe. I may be lost for words, but this movement is easy enough that I can manage it without needing to think, and there’s some comfort in the repetition.

‘Yeah. Anyway, thanks for letting us stay. Hopefully we won’t take up your living room for long.’

Kate holds out her hand. ‘Unlock your phone. I’ll inform Bonnie.’

‘You don’t need to do that.’ But I’ve already swiped it unlocked before I finish the sentence.

‘Again, it’s no problem. You’ve been through a lot this morning. Cuddle your dog while I call your sister.’

New tears burn my eyes again, but I blink them away and do as she says.

‘What on Earth caused that fire?’ I mumble to myself. ‘Did you see anything?’

Lady whines again, and I throw my arms around her neck. I’ll never not be grateful that Kate got my dog out. Just the thought of her being trapped inside while the flames are closing in around her while she’s frantically scratching at the door for help is enough to make me cry into her.

I sit down next to her on the kerb, and Lady falls against me. I’m still stroking her neck, hoping it’ll calm us both, when a firefighter crosses the road to me.

‘Are you the owner of this house?’

‘One of them. My neighbour called you here. She’s just calling my sister. Did you find what caused this?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, ma’am, which tells me it was something small. Accidents like this happen all the time. Did you leave a candle burning, by chance?’

I start to shake my head but freeze mid-movement. He sees it as admittance.

‘Be more careful in the future. You got lucky this time. If your neighbour hadn’t called us when she did, you could have lost everything. Come talk to us when you’re ready to hear about the damage and what you can do next.’

Call my insurance, I imagine, but that’s not where my head is as he walks away and joins his colleagues. I didn’t leave a candle burning—I never do—but I did smudge the house this morning. Kate told me to always pay attention to any falling ashes in case there are embers inside. Did I do that? I don’t remember watching the carpet. Did some ashes fall onto the fabric? Is this fire my fault?

Kate returns and hands me the phone.

‘Bonnie didn’t pick up. I tried a few times, so she must be busy. Her phone is probably in a locker. I left her a message to call you, but if you to give me your phone when she calls back, I’ll handle it.’

I frown. ‘Then what am I supposed to do?’

‘You need time to process all this. Between your conversation with Leverett and now this, you need a moment to yourself. I can make you a relaxing tea, if you like. We can meditate together.’

‘I appreciate it,’ I say, ‘but I need to call our house insurance, I really should be the one to talk to Bonnie, and I need to not think about Leverett for a moment. I need—’ I breathe a shaky sigh and make myself take deep breaths until my voice feels even again. ‘Fine. You’re right, I need a moment. But I need to talk to those guys first. I’ll sit after that.’

My instinct is to wander over to Leverett’s and talk to him to feel better, but I guess that’s not an option anymore.

I feel drained when I approach the firefighters. Kate is right, it’s been a lot for one morning.

The firefighter I already spoke to tells me something about how obviously the door needs to be replaced, the carpet on the stairs will need replacing, someone will need to come out to make sure the stairs are still safe to use, that the ceiling directly above them isn’t about to crumble... Lots of things like that. I mostly take it all in while being very numb at the same time. I just hope my insurance can take care of it; I don’t think I have the energy to tackle much more.

Heh. Maybe it took an actual fire to smoke out the curse? I feel just defeated enough to joke about that.

The firefighter joins his colleagues in the truck, and I sink back down to the kerb. Lady trots up next to me and looks at me with big eyes.

‘I guess we’ll be staying with Aunty Kate for a few days, hm?’

She seemed positive that the door, at least, would be replaced quickly, but it sounds like everything else will take longer. I don’t know what we’d do without her. I could have stayed with Leverett, but, well...

I sigh and put my head into my hands. It seems like everything’s gone up in smoke, literally, but at least things aren’t as bad as my dream made them out to be. Our house is still... liveable? We can go back once some official person says it’s safe. Fuck. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to put in the effort to think of all the right words. I want to curl up under a thick blanket and shut out the world for a bit.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look up. Kate smiles at me.

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