Page 45 of The Awakened Wolf

“The Alpha has every right to arrange a mating,” Atlas said, cutting me off. His voice was soft, but his tone firm.

“But—” I started to protest.

Evan took my hands and said, “I almost had to marry you tonight, honey. How about you let me and Atlas figure out how we feel about this?”

“I… uh, well… okay. That makes sense.” I sighed. “I still don’t think Kiana gets it that a true New World Order would include her not lording her power over everyone all the time.”

Sebastian put his arm around my shoulders. “Kiana is doing what Alphas are supposed to do, make decisions for the good of the pack. Even when they aren’t easy for individual pack members.” His gaze turned to Atlas, who kept staring at Evan, blushing, and then looking away. “And sometimes when they are, but those pack members might not have figured it out for themselves.”

“Well, I could never be an Alpha then,” I said wearily.

“Me neither,” Sebastian replied, squeezing me.

His eyes met mine and the elation of being beside him again washed over me, followed by a hollow ache. How could one day contain such joy and such pain? As if sensing my sorrow, his brow furrowed. He turned to Evan, his rugged features sliding backward in time until I could see the little boy that Yara saw, so unsure of who he was and where he belonged.

“Would you really have taken on my pup if I hadn’t returned?” Sebastian asked.

Evan took Sebastian by the shoulders and looked deep into my future pups’ father’s eyes. “I would have loved your child like my own.”

Sebastian’s cheeks hollowed with a wince, and he turned his head to watch the servants carry Max’s body from the room. “He knew from the beginning.”

I slid my arms around his waist, pressed my cheek against his broken heart. “And he loved you until the end.”

Chapter Seventeen

My wolf paced softly within me, more settled now than she’d been before when she’d had no idea where Sebastian was, but that wasn’t saying much. My human reflection in the steamy bathroom mirror showed our shared frustration. As I sat, a would-be incubator on house arrest while the shifters I cared about most in the world were out there risking capture and possibly worse.

Sebastian had been firm in his tender condescension toward my potentially delicate condition, but he was my mate, not my Alpha. I could have overruled him. My sister was a different story. Twice, I had refused to challenge her for the throne, and at some point, the simmering Alpha inside me had to accept that decision. Still, the irony wasn’t lost on me that the person who made me feel the most like nothing more than a walking womb turned out to be the person I’d shared our mother’s with.

Did we fight like this back then?

No. We must have been snuggled up like pups in a rug for no one to ever notice there were two of us in there. Rising from my vanity stool, I let my gaze settle on my midriff, not as muscled as Kiana’s, but no longer showing the tell-tale signs of my movie popcorn habit, after a month of intensive training with Evan. I didn’t feel like anything was happening in there, but everyone else’s certainty was starting to mess with my mind. What if I was? Now? With the world on fire?

Worried tears stung my eyes, and I marched into Kiana’s old bedroom, finally throwing myself down on a mattress like I’d been longing to for days. Something crunched beneath me, but not right beneath me, and I slid off the bed onto the floor and peered beneath. A sliver of paper peeked from a clean claw slice along the seam of the mattress. Intrigued, I pinched the corner and drew out the paper, realizing as I did, that I’d discovered an entire trove of tightly folded papers, each one addressed to…

Mother.

I slumped against the side of the bed in a puddle like the comforter beside me. There were hundreds of them, all were addressed to our mother in Kiana’s perfect, yet firm handwriting. Almost against my will, I slid my finger along the crease of the first and opened it. For a moment I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the guilt that came with snooping through my sister’s things.

Then an image of a box of my secret things, arriving at my quarters within the Plaza, torn to shreds, came roaring back to me, and I opened my eyes and started to read. I promised myself I wouldn’t tear the letters to shreds to alleviate the lingering sense of guilt as my sister poured her heart out.

Mother, I know it’s wrong of me to keep asking you for help since I killed you, but if you love Elyse, please send me the strength to keep going. I’m not sure I’m ready to be an Alpha but if it will keep Elyse safe, and Father, then I’ll do my duty.

I stopped, tears welling in my eyes. She’d accepted Damien’s bullshit about being an Alpha against her own desire… to protect me? Pulling another letter with a later date, my stomach turned as I read.

I’m so tired, Mother. The training is killing me. I break each day and then heal just so I can be broken again. It would be fine if the males respected what I was doing, but they just hate me. I wish that Elyse had been suited to be the Alpha Heir and I’d never been born. You’d have loved her better. Everyone else does.

They all say she’s like you—that it’s good I’m the Alpha because I’m built for it, and she’s not. No one’s ever said I’m like you. Anyway, thanks for listening. It’s not like I can tell Father. He grows weaker each year you’re gone. He misses you. I miss you.

And the next…

Ugh, how can anyone think I’d mate with one of these weak, jealous males? None of them respects me even when I kick their asses, so why would I want to bear their pups? Thank Leto, Damien has someone picked out for me. Not that I’m ready to have pups. Mother, how did you know you were ready? How did you do it without being terrified because the truth is, I’m afraid. I don’t deserve to be a mother.Not after what I did to you. How can I be a mother when I’ve never been allowed to be a female?

Goddess, help me, this was awful. I thumbed through a darkening trendline as the dates approached her mating ceremony.

Mother, if you get me out of this, I’ll devote my reign to you, to honoring Elyse and her pups.

If there is some way you can do something to stop this, Mother, please, I’m begging you.

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