Page 13 of The Awakened Wolf

“That’s not what you said when you were patting my belly and making gross insinuations about giving him more.”

The memory was seared into me, particularly the part where I’d later begged my father to intervene, and he’d agreed with Kiana that motherhood was the best choice for me. My wishes hadn’t mattered. My readiness hadn’t mattered. I hadn’t mattered.

She laughed. “It can all be true together, Elyse, even the parts you don’t like. You were of age. You needed to be matched before you were claimed. He might want more pups, he might not, but mating you with Blaze secured your future and this family’s in case anything happened to me.”

I stopped at this, my anger piling up behind my closed mouth. Kiana had a point. But that only made me angrier. “You say all that, but how do I even know it was you and not Damian? Tell me the truth. How much control did he have over you?”

She shrugged, her fingertips drumming on the arm of her chair. “I don’t know. Sometimes I’m not sure if he ever had any.”

I sucked in, searching her eyes for regret or guilt and saw none. “Did you know he was controlling our father?”

She held my gaze. “I wanted what I wanted. Damien wanted it too. So I never asked questions I didn’t want to know the answers to.”

“And you’re okay with that? Now that you have what you want—”

“Yes,” she snapped, rising from her chair. “I’m happy because it was the right thing for everyone. Can you imagine what would happen to this pack if it were led by someone so reckless and emotional that she’d mate without a ceremony?”

I shrank back like I’d been slapped, wanting to fight, but frozen by her judgment like I had been for most of my life. But at least in the past, my wolf would have pushed against my skin like a prison and begged me to let her loose.

Her silence now was deafening.

Little help here?

Why fight her? Don’t we all want the same thing?

I have no idea what I want.

Sebastian.

He’s gone.

Then nothing. I felt my wolf turn away, once, twice, three times, folding herself into a big furry ball in the back of my heart. Let her have it.

“Look, I’m sure it hurts to accept the truth, but you need me now, yes?” Kiana loomed over me, lifting my chin to look up at her face. Our face. I could run away like Jayla and Charlie wanted, but I could never escape the mirror.

It killed me, but I nodded, my tongue still sewn to the roof of my mouth with twin threads of hurt and doubt.

Kiana smiled, brushing her thumb over my chin as she let it go. “Then you are welcome to stay on one condition.”

“And what’s that?” I asked, listless.

“You can never challenge me. About anything. At all. Understood?”

“Sure. Fine. Understood.” I let my heavy head fall back against the sofa.

“Excellent. The first order of business will be finding a male willing to mate with a fallen female before word gets around. Our family stature and fortune will help, to be sure—”

NO. MUST WAIT FOR SEBASTIAN.

The force of her attempted explosion launched me to my human feet. Her animal rage was a pounding avalanche, running downhill to crush anything that stood between us and Sebastian. My fangs and claws burst out before I could stop them. Kiana’s eyes widened as she watched me writhe, wrestling to keep my wolf contained. With a final push of will, like slamming another arm-wrestler’s skin to the table, I forced my wolf back and melted onto the couch, panting like I had after the battle.

“You don’t understand,” I said. “Even thinking about a different mate causes me pain like…” I stopped, my breath slowing, and looked up at her again. “Remember when Father started letting the sparring teachers hurt us? Because we were healing like adults and needed to learn to withstand pain? The first time fangs ripped my flesh, the fire and tearing were so intense I thought I’d pass out.”

My sister’s eyes slid away but she nodded. It was the same for all shifters. Innocence lost. Yes, you healed. And it was a necessary lesson. But whatever part of you was still a pup dies the day adults are allowed to rip you apart for educational purposes.

“Well,” I said, “just being away from Sebastian this long is like that, like oxygen itself is painful without him.”

Once, letting these words leave my lips would have made me ill. I would have assumed it was a sign of weakness. But it was the truth. And for the moment that Sebastian and I had been together, happy and unbroken by the world around us, I knew it had made me stronger.

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