“Is there news about Cola?” Jules asked.
“Yes, and Gabe got him out of the Gallo organization,” he said.
“I’m so happy that my brother was able to help,” Jules said.
“I am too. But Cola’s been brainwashed by the Gallos to think that I abandoned him. They convinced him that I left town and forgot all about him.”
“But that’s just not true,” Jules said, coming to his defense.
“Well, we know that, but Cola doesn’t. He thinks that I took off to save my own ass and protect you. I’m betting he thinks that I chose you over him and that’s got to hurt. I just need to talk to him. You know, help him to see the truth.”
“I’m sure that he’ll come around,” Zan agreed. Lucky nodded his head and signed. This was the part that he didn’t want to share. He hated that this next part might be able to destroy everything that the three of them had built these past months together at the cabin.
“Speaking of the truth,” Lucky continued, “your brother filled me in on one that affects the three of us.”
“What did he say?” Jules asked.
“Gabe told me that Zan was a part of the Gallo organization before he got into law enforcement, and I’m just wondering why that was left out of the explanation when you told us about working for the Commissioner’s office. Who are you really under cover for, Zan?” he asked.
“Is that true, Zan?” Jules asked.
“It is, but it’s not what you think. I really do work for the Commissioner’s office, but I used to be part of the Gallo organization. I was a stupid kid who got involved with them when I was just sixteen. I thought that I was big shit, and I found out almost too late that I was wrong—so wrong. I got out just after I turned twenty. I was supposed to make my first kill and I couldn’t do it. That’s when they put a hit out on me, and I took off. I hid away for years. I had to change my name and move to another town, but I had made my own mess and needed to take care of it. I did too. I had no family left, so I decided to take a chance and join the police academy. I was sure that they’d find out who I was and what I had done, but they never did. I went back to my former name and decided to put myself out in the world again. I took every assignment that I could get my hands on involving the mafia families in Chicago. I worked my way up the ranks and when I became a detective, I finally got the chance to go undercover. I had the look and already knew the lingo. The mafia families that I infiltrated thought of me as one of their own and I never had any problems—until I met Jules. That’s when I wanted to stop lying about who I am.”
“Is your name really Zan Santoro?” Lucky asked.
“Yes,” he said. “I went back to my real name when I joined the police academy.”
“Why not just tell us the whole story when you came clean about working for the Commissioner’s office?” Jules asked. “Why keep that part of your life a secret?”
“Because I wasn’t sure that you would still want me,” Zan said. “I saw how you struggled with wanting Lucky and I worried that knowing that both of us had been in the same family might turn you off. I didn’t want to put that on you. Plus, I was ashamed of my past. Maybe that’s why I’ve worked so hard to put it behind me. I’ve worked my ass off trying to bring down these other families over the years, but the Gallo family was the one that I really wanted, you know? They made me think that I was needed, useful even. After my mom died, I had no one and I guess they made me feel wanted. I needed that when I was sixteen, but I’m ashamed of it now.”
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, Zan,” Jules said. She turned to look at him, framing his face with her hands and all Lucky could do was stand there and watch them together. How could she forgive him so easily?
“You’re not mad that he’s been lying to us this whole time?” Lucky asked her.
She looked over at him as though he had lost his mind. “Of course, I’m not mad at him. He was just a kid and he’s more than made up for it.”
“Right, I’m not talking about him being a part of the Gallo organization. I’m talking about the fact that he didn’t tell us about it. He kept the truth from us, Jules. I thought that when we all started out, the only rule we had was that we’d be completely honest with each other. Did that change?”
“No, it didn’t,” Jules said, “but haven’t you ever done something that you felt ashamed of? I can’t fault Zan for not telling us about his past. I’m sure that there are things that you haven’t shared with us, and I’ll be fine with that too, Lucky. That’s what people do when they are in love.”
“Wait—you said that you love me,” Zan said.
“I did, and I do,” Jules said. “I love you too, Lucky. That won’t stop just because there is something in your past that I won’t like. I have a past too.” There was no way that Jules had done half of the shit that he had to do over the years. Lucky didn’t walk away from the family when they demanded that he make his first kill. No, he stuck around and finished the job. Maybe that’s why he was so mad—because Zan got out and he didn’t have that kind of luck. Sure, everyone called him Lucky, but he wasn’t. He followed orders and that was what had kept him alive all these years. Now, he was going to have to find a way to be okay with Zan’s good fortune or walk away from the only woman he had ever loved. Because he loved Jules, even if he wasn’t going to give her the words right now. No, he was going to put some much-needed distance between him and them and do some serious soul-searching. Then, he might find himself worthy of being able to tell Jules that he was in love with her too.
Zan
Zan knew Lucky well enough to know that he was going to take off and there would be nothing that he could do about it except be there for Jules. She was going to be his top priority, no matter if Lucky chose to forgive him or not for keeping the truth from them.
When he told them the truth about working for the Commissioner’s office, he never dreamed that keeping the truth about being a part of the Gallo organization, when he was just a kid, would come back to bite him in the ass. He should have known that Gabe would do some digging into his background once he found out that Zan was involved with his sister. And why wouldn’t he? Gabe was a good guy. Zan had the pleasure of meeting him a few times at the new Commissioner’s office. He would just want to keep Jules safe—just as he and Lucky wanted to.
“I can’t be here right now,” Lucky breathed.
“What?” Jules asked. “What the hell does that mean, Bruno?”
“I can’t be here; it means what it means. I need some time to think,” he said.
“What is there to think about?” Jules asked.